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Newest Member: chewiejax (45435)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anyone else in this boat?
♂ New Member
Member # 17064
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Terrible situation - my mother was declared cured after 5yrs and then hot spots appeared at her throat - and died within 6 mos. Bread cancer is pure evil.

here is the deal - you have to protect the family and family assets. OM is not family and given the chance - quick divorce and remarriage - he has control of her share.

Listen to Stronger8 -

My god, what a sad situation your in. My .02 cents in all of this is that she, MIL and OM are attempting a legal maneuver to ensure that her interest in the business does not default to you. As her legal heir once she passes her ownership becomes yours. This is a very underhanded thing to do and I would not give them the satisfaction. While I'm sorry your children are losing their mother. Im very appalled at the selfish behavior going on here. And if I were you I'd fight the D tooth and nail as your WW does not have much time left. After her passing I'd make sure OM and your MIL stand tall before the man. I'd make sure MIL is not around my children to influence them with her devious behaviors. And I'd also make sure OM bought me out of the business for top dollar. Or if money is not an issue I'd force the closure of said business.

= he picked up and you need an atty yday my friend. You cant do anything about her past decisions but you can damn sure stop her actions now. MIL can go to hell. You are her spouse = Your kids mother will need everything owed to them.

You may need to have a chat with OM and get him to back off or find out his intentions.

Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2007
♂ Member
Member # 33446
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is an incredible story. I feel terrible for you and your kids. I agree with the posters who suggest you seek legal advice. Now is the time your wife should be "making things right" and she seems that making things right mean stepping away from you...and even her children. I'm not sure her motives are clear or the AP motives are clear. Does this business have significant value? Could he actually be protecting his wealth or is his concern for WW legit? These are hard to answer for sure.

Married 25
Her WS - 48
Me BH - 50
3 Kids
DDay 8/25/11 - learned of multiple instances with other man which has spanned early and late in our marriage

Posts: 93 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: VA
♀ New Member
Member # 40246
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to send you a hug. And ask you as best you can take care of yourself right now, reach out and get support for you and the kids. I'm sorry your wife thinks this is a time for selfishness, and that is the legacy she wants to leave behind. Love your kids and yourself. Hang in there.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Aug 2013
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dam ! Sorry you are here and I wish I had some great answer but I agree somewhat with broken bill. All relationships have problems and battles and yours sounds like it was a very stressful one but in my opinion nothing warrants infidelity. Cancer or not ! Cheating was a choice that had nothing to do with her being sick. I don't want to sound insensitive and I am sorry she is sick . Let's take her being sick out of the equation for a minute . If she cheated with no remorse for years and told you she loved someone else more than you how would you handle it if she was not sick ? Just a thought. It sounds like you have and are being very supportive and loving in this difficult time which is really hard so give yourself some credit for that . I don't think you should worry so much about what others think focus on you and kids. If her life ending wish is to have her cake and eat it too than give it to her but not without protecting yourself and not without outing the affair fully. Sorry you are here and wish I could help. Good luck

"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 690 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From a medical professional perspective you need to do a few things if you haven't already.

1. Get your intermitent FMLA forms from YOUR employer, and get them filled out pronto. For care of a family member. This allows you to take time off when you need to care for her without concern of loosing your job.

2. Is she still competent? If so get it documented by a Dr. Then make sure you have the forms filled out and ready for her signature (probably means a trip to the attorney's office) to get all her assests placed into a trust, or that you get them upon her death. This protects you and the kiddos. This of course includes any 401k's, life insurance policies etc. Also have a health directive filled out, ONLY if she has made you her primary decision maker. If not then DO NOT do it. Legally your are married, and decisions fall to you for her health care, if she doesn't have a health directive stating otherwise.

3. Talk to the Dr's about palliative medicine. This is a highly underused method of healthcare that will give you some extra support. She knows she is terminal, you know she is not curable. Change the focus from get well to get quality from the time left. (Not quite the same as hospice, as you will still do things like go to the hospital if needed etc). Insurance helps with this, and you will get some Home Care help, that will be a huge support for you as her health declines, and when it's time to transition to hospice it will be seemless.

As I see it, I don't think this is something that you are going to resolve, or find peace with. This just a plain shitty thing to have happen to you. I would not agree to D. I would also strongly recommend that you and OM have a long conversation about him destroying your family, and ask for a cease and desist immediately. He may not agree, as they both feel they are in lurrrve. IF that is the case, then I would make damn sure that he has limited access to her as she declines in health. I'm sure Mr fantasyland, unicorns and rainbows isn't prepared to wipe her rear, feed her, and provide care to her if he isn't getting anything out of it.

Your wife has made her choices, and has her own deamons to deal with, just know that her choices are just that her choices. There is nothing that you could do/ or could have done that would have prevented this.

((((and strength)))

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8738 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 25
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