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Newest Member: PhoenixTake2 (45066)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Will swoon for decent treatment
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been w SO for 3 years and I am still impressed by little things he does. My father was an extremely self centered man and rarely showed me much consideration or thoughtfulness. My XH also could be very thoughtless, but it was so familiar I didn't think much of it. I mean it bummed me out when he took me out for valentines and then bitched about the expense but I didn't leave him then like I should have bec I was used to having my feelings ignored.

Now I am with a man who opens doors for me, who makes me tea in the morning. If I say I'm thirsty at his home there is a drink in my hand in 5 mins. When I expressed some sadness over a lowering of romance within a week he sent me a dozen roses and took me to a fancy restaurant I'd been wanting to go to for a year. This weekend he cooked a great meal for me and cleaned up, and when I tried to help he suggested I relax on the couch with a glass of delicious wine he bought for me.

He can't offer me a fancy lifestyle but I am almost giddy by these gestures of consideration he makes for me.

I really don't know if I am too easily pleased because of the long desert of male thoughtlessness I've crossed or if how happy this makes me is normal.

KWIM?

[This message edited by InnerLight at 4:56 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Speechless101
♀ Member
Member # 28812
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His actions show you his love! Very happy for you!


Me-29, F Divorced for three years now & enjoying rediscovering myself

Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2010
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He sounds like an amazing, wonderful person.

who makes me tea in the morning

This is priceless.

Posts: 35401 | Registered: Mar 2011
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you're too easily pleased. It sounds like your SO is treating you with basic human decency -- probably the way you treated your XWH but didn't get reciprocated to you.

My IC told me that when I was in a good relationship with a healthy man, I wouldn't even believe how much better it would be, and how little I accepted from XWH. It's so true, and I'm glad you found it!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:09 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17412 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's listening, he's speaking your love language. He sounds like a keeper.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2521 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
9.10.11
♂ Member
Member # 36336
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

InnerLight, I know exactly what you mean, btdt.

Be sure to show him how much you appreciate his care and love. It really makes a guy happy to know what he does is appreciated.

He sounds like a great guy, you deserve it.


Posts: 123 | Registered: Aug 2012
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so happy for you IL.

He sounds like a wonderful and thoughtful man and I am so glad you are happy. I don't think this means you are easily pleased. I think it means you understand and appreciate when someone treats you well and that is a good thing.

I am enjoying the same type of relationship right now. It is amazing what a difference it makes when your partner actually CARES how you feel or what you are thinking. I also appreciate it and I do tell him, because I also think it is important we don't take for granted the wonderful little things our partners do for us that make us feel good.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15241 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
WhiteWolfWinning
♀ Member
Member # 12475
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How wonderful for both of you: He treats you like the special person you are, and you notice him for the special person he is.
Wolf


Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply, Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God

Thank you, Lord, for the lightness of my burdens


Posts: 8233 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: midwest
better4me
♀ Member
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Note to self: do not settle for less than this)


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52
Divorced

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do let him know how happy he makes me feel, how successful he is with me and I see this makes him happy too.

Recently I made him a mini scrapbook about us, just a simple thing with two 3x3 envelopes stuck together so there is a front, an inner spread and the back. Inside the envelope slots are pieces of paper with a photo of us on either side, so altogether 8 photos and rubber stamped messages that say, 'You make me smile.' 'You make me happy.' and 'I freakin' love you.' No handwriting. He has it on his table. Yes, I know, it's so girly of me but it was fun to make and give.

He really doesn't have much money. A very old car. A small apartment with an uncomfortable couch. He works 2 jobs and is brilliant at what he does, it is just not a field that pays or offers security. And because he's working so much, he doesn't have time for going away, even for camping.

I also don't have a lot of financial security so when I worry about my future i admit to wondering if I should have found a man with more $. Sigh. Sad to admit this!

The decent treatment is worth a lot. Feeling happy with someone is worth a lot. Mostly I feel grateful for what we have together.

I pass by fancy homes and with fancy cars in the driveway and hope the couples inside are happy too.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also don't have a lot of financial security so when I worry about my future i admit to wondering if I should have found a man with more $. Sigh. Sad to admit this!
Yeah, I get this part because I'm in the same boat financially also. I do worry about my financial future. But I have been with guys where I was quite comfortable financially and it wasn't worth it to stay.

So far, this one is worth it.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15241 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 4:23 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Swoon, indeed! How lovely!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3607 | Registered: Oct 2011
SoHappyNow
♀ Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 6:48 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree: he's a keeper.


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus

***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Remarried 2/14/14


Posts: 2294 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for your affirmations that feeling so taken by such simple gestures of caring is not a sign of pathology! I've been through so much I can easily second guess myself.

He also takes my trash and recycling to his home sometimes since I have no garbage service.

If I some little consciousness raising or old-belief-clearing exercise I would like to share with him, he is game. One day we did TAT together (Tapas Acupressure Technique), another day we timed 15 minutes to walk around in nature and write down what our senses picked up and shared what we wrote. I am touched by his willingness.

We still do a weekly formal 'check-in'. In person with physical contact.

What's positive about the relationship.
What's positive in my life.
What worries me.
My hopes.
Plans.
Re-affirm the relationship.

We've been doing that for about 18 months.

OK I think I'll keep him.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 7:42 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
asurvivor
♂ Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My God...please tell me he forgets to put the toilet seat down.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 572 | Registered: Jun 2011
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mostly he remembers to put the seat down for me.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5834 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post. It's crazy that we ever accepted less from our prior relationships.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
gardenparty
Member
Member # 12050
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know exactly where you are coming from. The first time SO took out the garbage AND put the new bag in without being asked I almost started to cry. It was just so unexpected. Your fella sounds like a keeper for sure.


divorced!

Posts: 2688 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: newfoundland
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We still do a weekly formal 'check-in'. In person with physical contact.
I love that. Isn't it nice to have someone that cares so much about you and the relationship that they are actually willing to put some effort into it?

We also have a nightly ritual (started by him.) Every night, we each name one thing about our partner we are thankful about. It is my favorite game....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15241 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 25
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