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Newest Member: spaceplease (45329)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: sorta vent: am I doing something wrong, here?
Loyalty2Liberty
♀ Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I welcome having men as friends. Not "friends". Not friends with benefits, just the way two streight people of the same gender are friends, but without being exclusive to just one gender.

Men seem to not comprihend this. They ask me out and when I say that I don't want to date, they argue with me, try to convince me to date, etc. I make it crystal clear.

I.
am.
not.
interested.

Doesn't improve matters. I eventually give up and decline to engage them in conversation ever again.

Is this some new dating culture thing the kids are doing these days? You know a girl wants you when she tells you no?


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
hurtfornow
♀ New Member
Member # 35757
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not to be harsh, but evidently, without any real knowledge of the friendship, it appears that if they try and convince you to date them, they are not friendship worthy.

How are you meeting/talking to these men if you are not wanting to date?


Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How about leaving out the word "friend," which is, clearly, open to different connotations...

Address only the topic at hand:
*Thanks for the dinner invite. I'm not dating now, but I'd love to grab a hamburger on Tuesday and split the bill.
*Thanks for the invite to come over and watch a movie. That's just a movie, right, nothing else?
*Thanks for the invitation to hang out. Can I bring a girlfriend along, too? Shall I bring a 6-pack or a bag of chips?

Keep it light.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Loyalty2Liberty
♀ Member
Member # 36714
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

People I meet hanging arround. Neighbors, store clerks, people using public transit at the same time as me, neighborhood block parties, volunteering, just making polite conversation.

Basicly, I go arround minding my business, but am not exceptionally unfriendly about it. This leads to conversing with people. I approach mostly women, but am approached by mostly men.

Most of these conversations go well. Conversations are had. Networking is done.

But it's when men show an interest in dating that things go down hill. I don't want to be friends with people who don't take no for an answer, but I get it often enough to wonder if I'm sending some kinda wrong signal.


me:BW
him:stbxWh


Posts: 236 | Registered: Sep 2012
hurtfornow
♀ New Member
Member # 35757
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe the "not unfriendly about it" is them reading into your actions. It could be that they see what they want and really do not care what your feelings/wants are, but just what they want.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 5

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