I think if the OM listens to you and agrees to stop the affair because of how it is destroying your marriage, [of course it could damage his reputation as well], then that would help tremendously. Tell him if you file you will need to name him as co-respondent in the divorce proceedings. That should give him something to occupy his mind.
Meanwhile demonstrate a degree of toughness in the face of your WW's disrespect and see an attorney. Tell your wife you are seeking primary custody of the children and intend to expose the affair to anyone who will listen.
You cannot nice your wife out her current mindset, she has to let go of this crazy infatuation herself. Meanwhile do not hang around and wait for her to get better; give her a taste of what she could lose. Go on the offensive and file.
I can't bring myself to share the full details. Too embarrassing.
Dude, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. The night I found out, I started weeping in the middle of a restaurant. My waitress (a complete stranger) asked me what was wrong, and I told her. It made it seem that much more true, which hurt, but was also a load off.
Since then, I tell everyone.
You're the one who needs support. Tell everyone. Fuck her if it makes her angry.
She went to her FIRST counseling session. She came back very stern, but calm, and told me in no uncertain terms that we were over... and that the therapist agreed it was probably for the best. She wants to get the process started for figuring out all the logistics of the whole thing. She claims there is zero relationship with the OM. She just hasn't had feelings for me forever. She admits her giant mistake and that she has huge personal issues to deal with, and she will continue to do counseling. She wants me to have open access to the children at all times, split everything down the middle, bla bla. She says the counselor has all of the insight for us on how to proceed, break it to the kids, etc (family therapist).
So, I'm in a bit of shock right now. I meet with the counselor tomorrow. Left a message with a very good divorce attorney.
Sometimes I wonder if this isn't how my husband feels about me, he just doesn't have the guts to say so. On the bright side? (I know, sorry). At least now you know for sure and you can start moving on with your life. Easier said than done, believe me I know. But we'll continue to be here for you if you need a sounding board throughout the process.
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
This is exactly how my M ended. I drafted up a fair D agreement, she signed it without even reading it, and I began the healing process.
Take her offer of an easy D, don't let a greedy D attorney make a fight where there isn't one (they will try it, it makes them $).
Head over to the D forum on here for advice as needed. Take care of yourself and your kids. I know you feel crushed right now, but I promise you it will get better. It'll be a roller coaster, but will get better in the long run.
My xWW said the same thing to me, and it really hurt. But my watching her actions and reflecting on the past, I learned it wasn't true. Take heart in that broken.
I'm sorry you find yourself here and are in such pain.
Tons of good advice here, lots of caring people.
For what it is, you couldnt be in a better place.
You really need to take care of you and the kiddies. Do the 180. Have you found it? Its in the healing library.
It took my husband months to come out of his fog. It may well be the same for your wife. You knows?
In the meantime, follow all this great advice you've been given and focus on your own healing.
Sending you strength,,,,,
Out her affair.
I am the mother of older children and only imo, but no matter how young the kids are an affair is not going to be easy. My son is 19 now 15 when it all began. He found out last year. Not good. So the sooner you can get through it either R or D is better for them, don't wait because you think if they are older it will be better.
I am so sorry for you. Post here much because the people her are wonderful and insightful. . . . HUgs
Your wife just keeps dropping bombs on you.
I know you are in shock and hurting right now.
What is coming out of her mouth is BS.
But if she is not willing to fight for her marriage then let her go.
She wants easy then give her easy.
Your wife is a selfish coward. And right now you need to look out for yourself and children.
Because your wife is not thinking of you or the kids but only herself.