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User Topic: Do the WWs ever abandon?
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That should say "Do the WWs ..." (sorry for the bad grammar)

It just kind of struck me tonight that I read about wayward men doing the lying, cheating, abandoning thing on this board all the time. That is what happened in my situation - never the possibility of R, complete abandonment. Are there WW that do that? Or are men just not posting about it?

[This message edited by kernel at 9:40 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4924 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, there are sadly many. SI has a disproportionate number of betrayed wives dealing with WH's. Not because women don't cheat, but probably because (due to culture, stigma, etc) are less likely to seek out public/group support. You will find more people dealing with WW's as you stay on here and post.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 9:46 PM, August 4th (Sunday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays - 1 was too many
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15250 | Registered: Jun 2006
quoththeraven1
♂ Member
Member # 35458
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Plenty of them, and growing quickly. We once had a double standard, a "boys will be boys" philosophy. It seems to have been been replaced with "boys will be boys, and now the girls will be too" philosophy. So now the sexes lie and cheat with pretty much equal frequency. Can't call that an improvement. I wish the men would have been held to a higher standard instead of the women lowering theirs.

I think that hurtbs is right about culture and stigma. For whatever reason, it seems somehow more humiliating for me as a man to admit that my wife prefers another man. But do I really know that's true? I guess I would have to experience it from a female perspective to know. I chalk it up to a fundamental difference between males and females, with their stronger tendency to work through problems by discussion. Or to put it another way, it took four years for me to even think that there might be a group with whom I could discuss these issues. Or maybe what you females have always suspected is true: you are much smarter than we are. Or maybe it's just me that's not so bright!


Posts: 166 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Appalachia
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think on this site, most of the men post on the forum I Can Relate under betrayed men.

But, they are welcome to post anywhere...


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1977 | Registered: Jan 2012
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know of a couple of guys here whose WW's abandoned them and their children. I cannot fathom anyone doing this, male or female.


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9662 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 4th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here! Here! *raises hand*

Posts: 1576 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the responses. I know that just as many women cheat as men. From reading on here, it just seems like they mostly try to R instead of abandoning the marriage and their BS. I think you're right - it's just not discussed on here, but it's happening.

homewrecked - I have read on the betrayed men thread. They also seem to be mostly on the R side of things. Reading there reminds me that there are plenty of good men in this world. They are amazing.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4924 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*fixed the title for you*


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36644 | Registered: Sep 2007
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My xWW cheated on me. She was unremorseful. We divorced. I have primary custody of the kids.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 921 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Baldeagle
♂ New Member
Member # 40194
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Indeed they do.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Aug 2013
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right here: WW cheated remorselessly, moved out leaving her two children, five and eight (I would call them "babies"), moved back in promising them she would never leave them again, then left again, leaving behind a doubly-shattered family.

I guess technically this would not be "abandonment" since we did trade back-and-forth, but it sure as hell feels like abandonment.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1573 | Registered: Dec 2012
wonderingbull
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Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A simple YEP will do from me...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5952 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
RyeBread
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Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally know a BH whose WW up and left him with 5 kids. Decided she wasn't going to pick the kids up from school one day and POOF!No warning no nothing. She found her soulmate and that was it.

For some reason I know of more WW's than WH's in the circle's I travel in.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1024 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My brother's wife left him while running around with a 19 yr old scumbag when she was 37. She left the kids too, who were teenagers at the time. She had absolutely no contact with her own kids for over 10 years, no Christmas cards, no gifts, no phone calls, did not attend their weddings, no nothing.

My brother was forced to get a divorce he didn't want. Well, anyway, this whore ex-SIL of mine has recently come back into the kids's lives, trying to act as if she did nothing wrong as far as I can see. The daughter, at least buys it to some extent, just happy to have her mom back in her life, no matter what. The stupid bitch told the kids that she married a "controlling abusive man" who would not let her have contact with them! (obviously not that first guy she was running with). It's such crap. She said that my brother was controlling and abusive, too, as part of her reason for wanting a D. For lack of a better word, my brother is a wimp and never put his foot down about anything the whole 20 years they were married.

But whether or not the new H was controlling and abusive, I don't know (now she is divorcing and that has something to do with why she has come back around). I don't buy for a second he could stop her from calling or contacting her children. And if there is any truth to this story he "forced" her to not contact them long before she married him (and she still married him? Was that forced as well?)

Oh, the real clincher is this: Turns out my brother was paying alimony WHILE she was married to somebody else. I'm not one to run to court over everything and I never even took my own ex to court, but I'd sure take that bitch to court just to make her face up to the horrible person she is. But my brother won't do it, even now that this new information has come out. I could continue the story but you'd need to sit for the complete soap opera episodes, and might want some popcorn...


Posts: 5684 | Registered: Apr 2006
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since starting my phd in infidelity, I have read about the exit affair. According to some authors, women are more likely to have them, and more likely to really be done with the marriage before starting the A. So they walk on or before d day.

Hugs to you. It all sucks.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1477 | Registered: Dec 2011
bob1965
♂ Member
Member # 33296
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've worked with two men with kids, that were abandoned by WWs.



Me: BH (47)
Her: fWWx2 (possible ONSs while drunk), lied about job, worked as a stripper (39)
Married: 14
Together: 19
Children: s 13, d 4, s 3


Who dares, wins


Posts: 143 | Registered: Sep 2011
pjkmkjm23
♂ Member
Member # 35778
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

raises hand *sheepishly*

Posts: 297 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Canada
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom left my dad for final OM.

My SIL left her family for OM...came back a year or so later. It was an online sexting A, they live on opposite sides of the country. Yet she left my bro and her girls.

My sister left my BIL for OM.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 3:25 PM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣


Posts: 10998 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Limbo
aesir
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We once had a double standard, a "boys will be boys" philosophy. It seems to have been been replaced with "boys will be boys, and now the girls will be too" philosophy. So now the sexes lie and cheat with pretty much equal frequency. Can't call that an improvement. I wish the men would have been held to a higher standard instead of the women lowering theirs.
We have raised the standard for women. Hypocrisy is no longer in fashion. Women have been cheating just as much as men for just as long, unless you think that all those cheating men in the past were gay.

Statistically, R is less likely to be possible with a WW than with a WH. A lot of this has to do with the difference in the nature of the justifications women use.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother abandoned my father, but cheating was not found -or told to us if it was. It was done wretchedly, in a few different reasons, because she fled to a siblings, so she told some of us but not me and not him to his face. Well...her next H cheated! She now seeks revenge on nearly ExH, even though it is quite similar.

Both Exit Affairs. It's my thought and a few counselors, that this term is used by cowards sometimes. In both cases, the abandoners could not face the abandonees and basically told us to "go fix yourself. I'm fine." NPD, that.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 21
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