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Newest Member: StillHurtingHer (45319)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Caught Him Drinking!! After 100 Days. :(
♀ Member
Member # 36587
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you my best wishes. I'm sorry to read about the position you're in. I hope you find the strength to make the decision that is right for you and your family. ((((Libertyrocks))))

Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Checking in to see how you are doing.

BS 40
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2628 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39774
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him drinking is unaaceptable and if he wanted to drink he needs to get the fuck out of here.

Maybe something truly drastic, a true consequence.

You can your children leave for a few days, express to him (letter form, written) that you are leaving because he broken his promise, his sobriety and how this is affecting you and your family and your relationship.

Is he in AA? Has a sponsor?

I am 26(Bgf). He is 36 (Wbf).
On Again, Off Again - 10 years.
Not Married. No Kids.
D-Day: Too many to list/ remember.
Trying to Reconcile.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: San Francisco
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you're in this spot.


You might read up on 'Drama Triangle'. IIRC, Karpman came up with his model after observing a lot of alcoholism, and then he realized it had a wider application. In any case, reading might help you stay firm with your consequences.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10339 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can understand that drinking would be a deal-breaker for you, living with an active alcoholic is hell

I see drinking and cheating as separate, both equally lousy coping skills or acting out, if you wish.

My fWH is a "recovered" alcoholic with over 12 years sober when he had his A. Sobriety does not guarantee fidelity.

If it was "just a slip" and he's willing to "get back on the wagon" and he does have a sponsor and is doing (or will do step work), then his slip may not be that much of threat to your R.

I hope you're well. Have you done any reading on co-dependence? This might be a good time to implement the 180 (if he's around) or use it as a guide on how to take care of yourself right now.

Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.

Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ Member
Member # 28554
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH had an issue with drinking and it caused a lot of problems between us. It took a medical issue and us ridding the house of alcohol before he removed his head from his ass.

We were "lucky" in the medical issue, I don't think he would have stopped without it.

Me: BW 34 Him: WH 36
Married 10
Dday #1 5/15/10 claimed EA/just friends
#2 9/20/10 (admitted to kiss w/ same OW
#3 11/29/10 admitted to a lot more

Posts: 3981 | Registered: May 2010
Topic Posts: 26
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