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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Poll of sorts: No remarriage after divorce
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know a lot of us (male and female and WS/BS) say we will never remarry after divorce, but you know anyone that never did? It's my opinion almost everyone says that, but eventually changes their minds. But I do know people that never remarried after divorce.

-My brother (BS)
-My father (BS/WS)
-My mother (BS/WS)
-X BIL (BS/WS)
-My X FIL (WS)
-a friend of mine's XH (divorced for non-infidelity reasons)

All of the above have been divorced for a least a DECADE and didn't change their mind so far at least.

I'm in the "never marry again" camp, but wondering how many people actually stick to that. Just curious...


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's see...

my godmother (BS)
a male colleague (unsure)
one of my closest GFs (non-infidelity)
one of XWH's cousins (non-infidelity)

Those are the only people I can think of who haven't remarried (all D for more than a decade). Everyone in my family who has gotten divorced is now remarried (same with XWH's family except for the one cousin), and any colleagues or other friends of mine have gotten remarried. I think the statistic says that 75% of people who divorce will remarry. I can believe that when I look at who I know. The single folk are definitely outnumbered.

I'm keeping an open mind, but I'm not inclined to get marry again.

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 4:36 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3575 | Registered: Oct 2011
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A supporter and dear friend of mine was left at the altar and though not married, she never took the chance again. It is 45 years later and she is content being "Ms".

My father is going on 15 years
and though with a GF, still cannot let himself trust. I think it depends on so many factors and personality is one that I think of in that list.


I've thought and said it also, but wonder if it's something we say under fire of the pain we suffer?

What I do know, is that if I ever let myself do that again, it would be in a very different way...no prenup probably, but many more separate things and different ways of being married.

I try to think that it is still a positive entity of life, but for right now even a relationship of the sort isn't even on the table...trust in the human race is too far gone for me.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
gma56
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Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My grandmother D in the 40s from my grandfather. Never remarried. He married OW and they were married for 30+ yrs.

FT's dad died and his mom remarried (short abusive marriage)and divorced. Never remarried.

It was 9 yrs after my 1st D before I remarried and was married 26 yrs the second marriage. I was fine being single.
I'm at 5 ys D/S and have no idea what the future will bring. I'll be fine either way. I just miss being a couple and sharing my day with someone. My marrriage wasn't great but we did share about our day with each other most of the time except towards the end when the affairs startd.

[This message edited by gma56 at 4:41 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20368 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
roughroadahead
♀ Member
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think everyone I know personally who has divorced, has remarried.

College friend (BW, remarried an asshat)
XMIL (BW, remarried after 20 years with same man)
XFIL (WS, remarried and D, remarried and D.....)
Uncle (non-infidelity D, remarried)
Aunt (BW, remarried)

I think I could be remarried one day. Eyes would certainly be wide open going in! I just wish I could skip the part where I have to date all the "frogs".


BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 728 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Crescita
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's less of a priority for me now, but is back on the table as a possibility.

The people I know who have remained unwed for an extended length of time are more anti relationship, than anti marriage.


Posts: 3343 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My sister, divorced about 20 years and never remarried, but it's just because she keeps picking the wrong guys to waste large portions of her life on. I know she wants to remarry.

I am up and down on whether I want to or not.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
mom of 2
♀ Member
Member # 11214
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies.

The people I know who have remained unwed for an extended length of time are more anti relationship, than anti marriage.

Interesting concept!


Me: BW
Divorced after 23 years of M thanks to XH's truth trickle.
Status: Recovering and healing. It's going to be a long hard road.

Update November 2013: It only took seven years but I finally turned a corner. :)


Posts: 13296 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: The suburbs of hell
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with Tryingagain74, I'm not inclined to marry again, although I keep an open mind. I can't envision myself married or even living with anyone, though. I can't even envision spending the night with someone, and I have a fairly vivid imagination. I can't even envision WANTING to.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those I know who never remarried:

great aunt(she's been a widow around 50 years)

great uncle(he's deceased now but was a widow for probably 40 years)

Both my grandmothers(near 30 years and 13 years)

These marriages all ended because their spouse died.

I've been D/S for 5 years. I say I will never get married again or live with anyone. If the right person came along I might change my mind but so far that hasn't happened.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4751 | Registered: Feb 2008
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me. I remarried. See where I am now.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
debbysbaby
♀ Member
Member # 32962
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am 8 years out from D. No desire to marry. Looking less likely as the years go by. I see no good reason for it. I'm done having kids...to me the biggest reason to seal your relationship with a written contract.


-betrayed almost my whole almost 15 yr marriage
-divorced since 2004

Posts: 860 | Registered: Aug 2011
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Almost everyone I know remarried after D.

The only exception (so far) is my Uncle. But he remarried after D#1, but it did take 10 years. He was married for 10 yers and after that divorce, swore off dating and marriage. I don't know if infidelity was involved in either case. Not sure if he dates or not. He is super private.

Me, I haven't sworn off remarriage. However, it's not a priority for me.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 10:09 PM, August 5th (Monday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15318 | Registered: Jun 2006
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been D for 5 years. At the time, I swore that I would never re- marry, but now, I think I would like to have someone in my life on a more permanent basis.

Maybe not marriage, but long term cohabitation..... I'll have to give this some thought.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7557 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been D for 5 years. At the time, I swore that I would never re- marry, but now, I think I would like to have someone in my life on a more permanent basis.

Maybe not marriage, but long term cohabitation..... I'll have to give this some thought.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7557 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of my friends that D'd are fairly recently D, so no remarriages yet, though one is now living with and has a baby with her bf. The other good gf refuses to get M again so far, says she doesn't even want to live with someone till her kids are grown -- she's been with her bf for 2 years and they still live separately. We'll see! My cousin D'd after an early and fairly short M, and just recently remarried nearly 20 years later. No one else in the family has D'd -- I caused quite the scandal. Thank goodness said cousin got married under even more "scandalous" circumstances so she took the heat off. I thanked her profusely.

I am open to M again, but I don't need it and it would take a lot given the financial complexities -- I now own my own home, have 3 kids, and once I finish my degree will be making good money. So tying myself financially will be the hurdle for me, not the relationship aspect.

OMG you know what I forgot! Both my ex-ILs never remarried, after D'ing when my ex was 9 or so. Have been divorced now far longer than they were married. Neither has even had a long term relationship since that I know of. I didn't even think of them. How funny!

[This message edited by peacelovetea at 2:45 AM, August 6th (Tuesday)]


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
ExposedNiblet
♀ Member
Member # 30803
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been divorced over a year now. I will most definitely be one of those folks who never remarry.

And that's okay with me.


Divorced
Me ($39.95 plus S & H)
DS1(17), DS2(15)

Enjoying this chapter in my life.
Learning that being alone does not mean being lonely.
Discovering that where I've been is not as important as where I'm going.


Posts: 355 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Right Here, Canada
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom never re-married. My parents D was over 20 years ago for non infidelity reasons. She us happy and has no desire to be married or in a relationship. She said she didn't date initially because my sister and I were in our teens and would not have been very accepting of her bringing someone new in. Then she said she grew to really like her independence and didn't want to bother with it.

She is 71 and has traveled all over the world. She has a ton of friends that she travels with. She is very active and looks fantastic for her age. She said she does not miss having a man farting in her bed.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 878 | Registered: Mar 2013
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, August 5th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I personally don't have strong feelings one way or the other. I would like to find a long term relationship one day, but it doesn't necessarily have to be marriage.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 878 | Registered: Mar 2013
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

STBX's parents divorced when he was young and both went on to remarry and have been with their partner for 30+ years. No infidelity involved.

My Aunty's first marriage ended in divorce due to infidelity and she remarried a few years later to my uncle and were married for 39 years (until he passed).

Interesting poll results. I haven't given it much thought but I think I am still open to marriage.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2146 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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