I have been ignoring my H for the past few days, last night, I made supper and was slowly being decent to him. This morning, same thing, good morning etc. All day he has been a bit arrogant, distant. The game-playing. I know him too well. The more I give in the less he gives. Especially after an argument.
My whole inside is broken, confused. Not sure what to say, when to say it ... Walking on thin ice. I don't feel safe near him and I don't trust him. The man I so trusted and felt he would walk through fire for me, is not there. He is not there cause I do not see him. All these doubts, all the lies.
If I bring up the subject (the sluts) he says, that is enough, lets move on. I am stuck with these thoughts on my own.
This morning, I felt great. Going to live my life according to my desires. Not his. Going to get stronger, see things clearer and go from there. But once in awhile (mins here and there) I feel confused, hurt and betrayed).
Please go see a lawyer. Please make him suffer some consequences and take care of you. You deserve so much more. To be respected, to be loved, and to be happy you can have all of those things and not have him. You have to show him that, by actions not words. If he is willing to see it he may change of not then is he really worth having anyway?
If he isn't willing to seek IC or MC, then your next step is to speak to a lawyer to see what your rights are in your individual situation. Maybe doing that will shake him awake and make him realize that you are very serious about this!
Be strong, and I wish you the best of luck.
"One is not tempted by that he does not want."
I will tell you that I lived with a man who behaved much like yours. As long as I didn't rock the boat, things were fine. If I dutifully rug-swept, and had dinner ready, things were fine.
If I questioned him, expressed a negative feeling, had ANY expectation we would actually confront and deal with a problem, it flipped a switch. He became an icy, cruel bastard.
Even when he was ostensibly willingly and happily going along with the requirements for R--after an earlier infidelity was discovered YEARS after the fact--he was seething, and plotting, and gaining revenge. Yes, he felt entitled to REVENGE because I had the nerve to learn about his infidelities and hold him accountable----but only in the mildest of ways (because after all, "It was so LONG ago. Get over it!")
I hope you learn that you are living with a man who both wants to and is able to change.
You will never know,if you rug-sweep as he wants. You will never know if you don't hold his feet to the fire. You'll just....exist.
You are married to an emotionally abusive narcissist.
You have discovered his cheating and even that is not enough to make him want to change.
Your WH does not want to change. He wants to stay the same and will bully you until you capitulate.
This will be what the rest of your life looks like if you chose to stay. You will forever walk on eggshells around him. Now you see the abuse for what it really is, you will also start to despise him.
Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to leave this situation and start a new life where you can feel inner peace.