I totally got you were teasing me Oldcow18...sorry my response came across as a father to a daughter sort of way.
painpaingoaway...I feel this sorrow too. I am trying to deal with that with this new to me perspective. That is: We are not defined by our past, we are to look to the future and make each moment we have in the present count towards making that future the best it can be. Kind of developed that through reading the bible and how I think God views us all.
I realize this goes against how I operated in my life pre-A...and I still want that I was her first, she was my first...and were going to be onlies for life feeling back. But its not coming back...that is our past now. If I can make full peace with that and leave it alone (not rug sweep it, just realize nothing I could have done then would have protected it any better...and nothing I can do now can reverse it...so I accept it) I think it is highly probable that my life can be very fulfilling.
If I cant...I think it is highly probable that my life can be very fulfilling with another woman...or by myself. Though, as I do believe man was not meant to live by himself...and I think part of that is because by yourself you will never reach your full potential. There would be no reason to work outside your own comfort zone. When you are with someone you love...a healthy you will desire to work outside your comfort zone if you feel it will comfort your wife. By being with someone we have more of an opportunity NOT to be selfish. (doesn't mean you will make that decision, but at least you will have that choice).
God be with us all.