Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I know the AP
♀ Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know the OW but have stalked her online. I found a H.S. picture of her. I printed it off and sent it to her with a note telling her why I thought she was ugly, her small beady eyes, her long potato face, her big nose... If I saw her in person I would probably go to jail for assault. I don't trust myself. I wrote her another note detailing the sex acts she did with my husband. He gave me details, said she giggled during sex and was loud and it was annoying, had small boobs and was very squishy (no muscle tone), a weird butt... Yes, I did. I wanted to creep her out. I went through the entire affair to her on paper according to him. No reply as of yet. I doubt she will, the coward.

BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I too know the AP (OM). We were friends for years. Now I can put 2&2 together and see how he always liked my W. But he was married with kids and we were too. In fact, I can look back now in hindsight and see he was jealous. Yet we were friends and had great conversations about mutual interests.

Friends do not disrespect each other's marriage! Friends do NOT take advantage of each other at their weakest! Friends don't take a friend's wife! Friends do NOT give themselves freedom to do sexual things with your WIFE! So the friendship is OVER.

However, revenge is not a good thing. His wife knows now and all hell has come over him. He has to live with the fact that he violated another home and his own. His name is spit on here (even though my W's name is spat at over there but that's okay with me).

Deleting him from our lives has been therapeutic for us. He lost 2 friends that will never have any respect for him EVER again! If I see him I'd call him a dumb ass bitch! Can't even control yourself with your friend's wife. Wow...freak'n JERK!

But I regress cause wrong for wrong will not solve anything.

BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 12:21 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?

I don't know the guidelines of the school but most only prohibit co-workers/staff or students. If you wife was neither I doubt it would be grounds for dismissal.

The school's code of conduct may be on their website.

Just a thought. Is he married?

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1182 | Registered: Apr 2013
♂ Member
Member # 39830
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.

I did in fact sort of take up the suggestions to work out some anger and the revenge fantasy. I did military pull-ups until my collarbone felt like it was going to crack. Then jumped rope for 35 minutes. Then BEAT THE LIVING FUCK out of the old speed bag the gym has in the corner. No body bag to punch. My knuckles are badly bruised today, but strangely, I don't much care.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vancouver, Canada
♀ Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing the AP is its own little circle of hell. The OW in our case was a friend for 25 years, one who roomed with me in college, set me up with my WH, was the MOH at our wedding and then when she wasn't getting what she needed from her husband, decided to go after mine. Not once but twice during the course of my marriage all the while keeping up our friendship so she could find things to use against me with him.

I went through the I want to cut the bitch phase, and the I want an apology phase, now all I want is pain and loneliness for her (although my stalking thus far has only shown that she's as happy as ever planning a 2nd honeymoon with her BS.)

She did send an apology which said basically, "I'm sorry, there is no excuse for what I did but when my marriage was hurting I turned to your husband because you never really loved him. If you had loved him you would have never treated him so badly. I hope that you someday see what a wonderful man he is and can give him what he needs. And I hope that we can once again be friends. My family misses yours." Fuck that. You don't know my life, you don't know my husband, you are not my friend and will never be again.

Feels good to vent that. It is nice to have a place like SI where I can. It is hard to tell those in real life the true extent of the pain infidelity causes.

Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing that got me thru the first few months after Dday, was fantasizing about various revenge plots on OW.
One of my favorite revenge fantasies is paying for a billboard , right near the entrance of where WH & OW work, with a photo of OW on it & the following: “Loves to spread her legs for married men.”

her actions and selfishness have contributed to instability in my family.

Yes, I get angry enough when I think about what she did to me, but I really lose it when I think about what she did to my kids. And, although she had never met me, she HAD met my kids, & she didn't care what it would do to them.

Either way, karma is a bitch. They'll get theirs in due time. That I have no doubt.

I so hope this is true.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ahh, it is so good to hear what others are saying!

Yes, I have had many ideas, but realize none may come to fruition. The OW is 23 and she caught her dad online having A with other women and hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. I have thoughts about contacting her mom, since she is a BS, and let her know that her daughter is now an OW.

The mature person in me, says the OW is a messed up kid with father issues, but on the flip side when my husband showed an interest her within 48 hours, she invited him over to her apartment, she had him sign up for a google account so they could chat at night, picked out a theme song for them, called herself his mistress and sent him a picture that had a caption that "I am away from home and I miss my mistress more than I miss my wife." All within 48 hours - I think I would have been a little hesitent as it really was an affair that lasted 5 days total from the first contact to the PA. My idiot husband didn't see ANY red flags and just thought she was really into him. She completely greased the runway.

The other dilemma is that when I randomly asked about her, one of the coworkers told me that she has her "hooks" into a manager (not my WH)....what the hell. I want to "out" the affair, but I don't know if I am emotionally ready. Sorry, I have many tangents here...

[This message edited by ILINIA at 8:43 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]

Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My revenge fantasy involves outing the MCOW to her horrible cold hearted mother who will crush the MCOW in her own special way should she ever learn the truth. I have it all planned out...

And if MCOW ever pops back into our lives, I will follow through.

DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW is a co-worker of WH. They were "friends". We helped her out with her "photography" business by having her take our sons newborn photos and 6 mos family photos.
I have revenge fantasies as well. I would love to post all the "photography" I found in my H's iPhone backup on her FB photography page. Wonder how many likes she'd get for those??

Oh and just an aside if your WS has an iPhone, it's very possible all those deleted SMS attachments are really still on the phone. It's a bug that they only recently fixed but it doesn't get rid of the old stuff. I wish I could bleach my eyes to get rid of those images.

Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
Met 2000, Married 2004
DDay 5/26/13, TT through 8/13
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13
Hopeful for R

Posts: 875 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had revenge fantasies and wrote a letter to a school superintendent (she was school employee) which I never sent. I wanted him to know of her stalking and sending videos of herself working with school kids to a man she met on Craigslist.

I've never known such deep hate until OW. She came into my home, stalked me, left me things to find and made it personal.

I took the high road partially because she was too mentally unstable to antagonize without risking my family's safety. Bunny boiler she was.

I also drew pictures which were satirical (I didn't even mind when my fWH laughed at them.) And I used our fridge and dry erase marker to vent on. No kids in house and windex removes. I nearly went insane the first few months.

[This message edited by whattheh at 8:27 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]

BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 563 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have actually had a long texting session with my OW. Even though she felt she had done nothing wrong and was horribly upset that "I was taking away her very best friend in the whole wide world" I was able to just pound her on every issue and speak my mind 100% to her. Even if she didn't get it at the time, maybe now she has re-read what I wrote and some of it has sunk in.

I also stay in touch with her husband from time to time. We have a pact together that if our marriage fell apart we would contact the other to warn them. I no longer feel this will happen to my own marriage but I doubt he will ever feel safe. She was the one who aggressively went after my hubby, she offered herself up. Yes my hubby finally fell but she was the initiator of the line crossing suggestion.

I know this woman thinks of me often and it finally puts a smile on my face to know she can't have what she wants anymore!

Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!

Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
♂ New Member
Member # 38588
Default  Posted: 4:35 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I know exactly how you feel.
I felt the same way when I discovered my wife was seeing a guy that we had met 2 months before.
Unfortunately, her guy, even though we're both 44, is 6'3", a firefighter, ex-military and as my wife pointed out when I went ballistic on D-Day and threatened to go and 'see him' about it:
"by all means go and confront him...he's not a violent guy and he might let you take the first swing, but he'd put you out with one punch"

That kind of stops you dead in your tracks...and you have to think about how to try and end the affair / reconcilliate in other ways.

8 months on, I'm still trying.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: UK
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Arable, I see absolutely nothing wrong in letting his employer what a dirty old letch he is. Why keep his secret for him?

There are consequences for bad behavior, we all know this.

This would simply be one of the bad consequences he'd have to deal with. Too bad, suck it up, old man. Maybe it would teach him to think TWICE before acting like such a selfish pig again in the future.

Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1805 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Roses 303 -
We have similar stories, although OW and I were only friends for about 5 years, but our families were very close. Looking back I see signs that I should have seen before, but she "confessed" to fWH that she had been attracted to him for basically our whole friendship. She had a list of "dozens" of things she had noticed about him and his wonderfulness.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.

Posts: 2055 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.