Friends do not disrespect each other's marriage! Friends do NOT take advantage of each other at their weakest! Friends don't take a friend's wife! Friends do NOT give themselves freedom to do sexual things with your WIFE! So the friendship is OVER.
However, revenge is not a good thing. His wife knows now and all hell has come over him. He has to live with the fact that he violated another home and his own. His name is spit on here (even though my W's name is spat at over there but that's okay with me).
Deleting him from our lives has been therapeutic for us. He lost 2 friends that will never have any respect for him EVER again! If I see him I'd call him a dumb ass bitch! Can't even control yourself with your friend's wife. Wow...freak'n JERK!
But I regress cause wrong for wrong will not solve anything.
Given the CA is in a teaching position at a post-secondary institution, do any of you think it's appropriate that I notify his employer?
I don't know the guidelines of the school but most only prohibit co-workers/staff or students. If you wife was neither I doubt it would be grounds for dismissal.
The school's code of conduct may be on their website.
Just a thought. Is he married?
I did in fact sort of take up the suggestions to work out some anger and the revenge fantasy. I did military pull-ups until my collarbone felt like it was going to crack. Then jumped rope for 35 minutes. Then BEAT THE LIVING FUCK out of the old speed bag the gym has in the corner. No body bag to punch. My knuckles are badly bruised today, but strangely, I don't much care.
I went through the I want to cut the bitch phase, and the I want an apology phase, now all I want is pain and loneliness for her (although my stalking thus far has only shown that she's as happy as ever planning a 2nd honeymoon with her BS.)
She did send an apology which said basically, "I'm sorry, there is no excuse for what I did but when my marriage was hurting I turned to your husband because you never really loved him. If you had loved him you would have never treated him so badly. I hope that you someday see what a wonderful man he is and can give him what he needs. And I hope that we can once again be friends. My family misses yours." Fuck that. You don't know my life, you don't know my husband, you are not my friend and will never be again.
Feels good to vent that. It is nice to have a place like SI where I can. It is hard to tell those in real life the true extent of the pain infidelity causes.
her actions and selfishness have contributed to instability in my family.
Either way, karma is a bitch. They'll get theirs in due time. That I have no doubt.
Yes, I have had many ideas, but realize none may come to fruition. The OW is 23 and she caught her dad online having A with other women and hasn't spoken to him in 5 years. I have thoughts about contacting her mom, since she is a BS, and let her know that her daughter is now an OW.
The mature person in me, says the OW is a messed up kid with father issues, but on the flip side when my husband showed an interest her within 48 hours, she invited him over to her apartment, she had him sign up for a google account so they could chat at night, picked out a theme song for them, called herself his mistress and sent him a picture that had a caption that "I am away from home and I miss my mistress more than I miss my wife." All within 48 hours - I think I would have been a little hesitent as it really was an affair that lasted 5 days total from the first contact to the PA. My idiot husband didn't see ANY red flags and just thought she was really into him. She completely greased the runway.
The other dilemma is that when I randomly asked about her, one of the coworkers told me that she has her "hooks" into a manager (not my WH)....what the hell. I want to "out" the affair, but I don't know if I am emotionally ready. Sorry, I have many tangents here...
[This message edited by ILINIA at 8:43 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]
And if MCOW ever pops back into our lives, I will follow through.
Oh and just an aside if your WS has an iPhone, it's very possible all those deleted SMS attachments are really still on the phone. It's a bug that they only recently fixed but it doesn't get rid of the old stuff. I wish I could bleach my eyes to get rid of those images.
I've never known such deep hate until OW. She came into my home, stalked me, left me things to find and made it personal.
I took the high road partially because she was too mentally unstable to antagonize without risking my family's safety. Bunny boiler she was.
I also drew pictures which were satirical (I didn't even mind when my fWH laughed at them.) And I used our fridge and dry erase marker to vent on. No kids in house and windex removes. I nearly went insane the first few months.
[This message edited by whattheh at 8:27 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]
I also stay in touch with her husband from time to time. We have a pact together that if our marriage fell apart we would contact the other to warn them. I no longer feel this will happen to my own marriage but I doubt he will ever feel safe. She was the one who aggressively went after my hubby, she offered herself up. Yes my hubby finally fell but she was the initiator of the line crossing suggestion.
I know this woman thinks of me often and it finally puts a smile on my face to know she can't have what she wants anymore!
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
I know exactly how you feel.
I felt the same way when I discovered my wife was seeing a guy that we had met 2 months before.
Unfortunately, her guy, even though we're both 44, is 6'3", a firefighter, ex-military and as my wife pointed out when I went ballistic on D-Day and threatened to go and 'see him' about it:
"by all means go and confront him...he's not a violent guy and he might let you take the first swing, but he'd put you out with one punch"
That kind of stops you dead in your tracks...and you have to think about how to try and end the affair / reconcilliate in other ways.
8 months on, I'm still trying.
There are consequences for bad behavior, we all know this.
This would simply be one of the bad consequences he'd have to deal with. Too bad, suck it up, old man. Maybe it would teach him to think TWICE before acting like such a selfish pig again in the future.
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.