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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I be concerned about OM?
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So OM befriended a friend of my FWW on facebook. She's moving now (used to work with him)and is going to work where my W works. He's never been friends with her on FB till now. To keep tabs and see if she'll say anything about my W?

Question:
Should I warn my W?
Should I talk to my W's friend?

Or am I over reacting?


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
unfound
♀ Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't "warn" your W, talk with her about it. Form a plan for if there needs to be any action taken due to inappropriateness or meddling.

I wouldn't involve the friend at all. Your lives are none of her business (unless she is a friend of the M and knows the history).

Main thing is to work out what you will do with your W.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Talk to your wife, ignore him until he becomes too blatant, then be that sleeping dog that LEAPS INTO THE AIR WITH FOAM ON HIS TEETH AND SAYS I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING HAND IF YOU TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN YOU RANCID DRIBBLING FUCK CAKE. Then ignore him again. I mean don't actually bite him or anything, it's a metaphor.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7476 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...then be that sleeping dog that LEAPS INTO THE AIR WITH FOAM ON HIS TEETH AND SAYS I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING HAND IF YOU TRY THAT SHIT AGAIN YOU RANCID DRIBBLING FUCK CAKE.

That ranks as one of the best insults I've heard.

Seriously, agreeing with what has already been said. Talk to your W. Explain your fears and come up with a plan of action together.

[This message edited by HeartInADustpan at 6:28 PM, August 7th (Wednesday)]


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Red  Posted: 6:45 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing,

Please remember that this is the Reconciliation Forum and post accordingly.

Thank you.


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, August 7th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7476 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Angry  Posted: 9:04 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I discussed it with my W. She got pissed and told me she preferred not to know. Pissed because when she hangs with her friends, she will be very self conscious about any tagging, photos..etc. It's obvious he's wanting to see what's going on with my W's life.

What pisses me off is that I can't stop it. I can't do much about it. It's a very subtle way of Mr. OM to keep up with my W's life. Even though she has blocked him on FB. If I'd ask him, he'd deny it, but how can you trust a friend that was caught messing with your W? Wish I could tell his BS. I WISH!!!!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Evil  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing - LOL. Thank you! Well said, good idea.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why doesn't your wife block OM? It will be as though the two of them do not exist to each other on FB.

Or get rid of FB all together. There is no value in it and nobody would suffer if it were gone...


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

karmahappens - She did block him. But he friended her friends from work. So if they snap a photo and post, he'll see. She doesn't want to explain to friends.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotcha. sorry.

I would have to say good-bye to the social media until I was in a very comfortable position.

It made me feel so unsafe initially.

If she keeps it I would have to say you just need to keep communication open. You can't follow him around to see who he is following to see her ...KWIM? It becomes crazy-making

Creepy if he is really doing it to watch her.

[This message edited by karmahappens at 9:17 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Shocked  Posted: 9:20 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

karmahappens - from what I've heard he's a lurker. Yes, I can't keep track of all the activity he does and frankly I don't want to. It's best my W and I have a united front. I just HATE that he'll see her photos online. I HATE IT!

What this tells me is that he still has feelings for her. What a goon! His W should look after his FB activity more.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Angry  Posted: 10:24 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has made me SO UPSET today that I'm triggering like mad. HUH...anxiety!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His W should look after his FB activity more

Maybe she should get an anonymous tip as to what he is up to...and as for seeing photos of your wife, can you make a rule that her friends don't tag her unless you are in the photo with her?


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4002 | Registered: Dec 2011
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred - yeah, but sometimes they go out all girls. I get what you're saying and you're right. We just didn't want to make a bigger deal about it with her friends.

As far as an anonymous tip, how does one do this? Any ideas?


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wondering if I should tell her friends. The idea of an anonymous tip to his BS is not a bad idea, but I'd like it to where it CAN'T BE TRACED.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brother, you are obsessing about this too much. You are giving this guy too much power.

I just HATE that he'll see her photos online. I HATE IT!

Why? He's seen a lot more than that, and those aren't anything anyone else can't see. For all you know he could have printed her face on a body pillow, filled it with that magical cologne from CVS and snuggle it every night.

The important thing is that your wife doesn't care and keeps him blocked, and that you do the same. So long as he is not invading your life, don't give him an in by caring about what he does.

Definitely tell his BW, but do it so she knows he is still sniffing around - I'm assuming you'd want her to inform you if your wife was doing the same.

eta:

I wouldn't bother telling her friends because that involves people who don't need to be involved, IMO.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 3:07 PM, August 9th (Friday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7476 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StillGoing - Thank you. You're right.

I just don't know about telling his BS ya know. I haven't spoken to her since last year. Don't wanna shake things up without a serious cause. But he is sniffing around alright.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Needless to say, this little happening shook us up this weekend. Took a few steps back, but it was for the better.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since most of us here agree that it's a WS brokenness that causes infidelity and not the presence or availability or an AP... Then maybe, just maybe, the problem is not OM's proximity, but rather her behaviour, as in going out without you, or Facebook in general?

Could you demand that she give up those 2 things, that are clearly bothering you, as requirements for R?


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 51
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

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