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User Topic: Things that are Ruined for you
♀ Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So many things. It's so sad.

This coming week we're hosting the grandkids for their annual summer visit. We did this just prior to the A. We went to The Henry Ford with them and had (I thought) a great time. Now he wants to visit the Ford Factory Tour with the kids. It means driving by one of the affair Red Roof Inns in Ann Arbor. He and his AP shopped in the mall by the highway and ate in restaurants in that area.I must admit that I am terrified that it will trigger me in front of the grandchildren. We have discussed it and he feels nothing about going near there. His compartmentalization abilities are mind-boggling.

I know it's time for me to face these kinds of triggers but it's going to be tough.

Posts: 722 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ Member
Member # 32848
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My biggest dream of writing a book. I have started long time ago,and it was looking good.Now,my mind is blank. I dont think I will ever finish it. My paintings,I used to paint all the time,now I sit at my desk and cannot paint not one freakin picture,....Tuesdays,thats when they would meet at her house to screw each other. The next big thing is laundry. I know exactly that one morning before he went to work on wed. and put his underwear in the laundrybasket with my at that time infants clothing. Of course I did laundry that day,not knowing. So now all I think about is that great I washed her juices with our clothes,...Her last name,I jump everytime I hear it and see it,,its everywhere,...and now here is the worst of all,the woman across in the house from my. She looks just like OW. She also drives the same car as her. So living here is ruined for me for good. And honestly,the list is endless guys,...

Posts: 185 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Member
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Emotional- you hit the nail on the head! I used to love to read romance novels and watch marriage proposals on you tube. But I can't handle them now. And heaven forbid there are any weddings in our family. I will have to refuse to go.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I learned about the A on the morning of our Anniversary, and then, while we were 'reconciling', just before Xmas, she had me pick out some cuff links as a gift for her father, and then it ended up she gave them to the OM. Is that awesome or what!
But, despite the horribleness of all that, my WXS, inadvertantly, helped me to see that this can still be a beautiful world, with beautiful people all around. Thanks all on SI!

Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah I have to say that weddings and new young couples in love are ruined for me. I just don't believe in "Love" anymore. I know I can love someone, but I also know that the person I love may not always love me.

It's the thought of never having had experienced the 'love' that I have always desired. Pretty sad. I never got it from my father or from any of the men in my life.

I have chosen to love myself and that's what counts.

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm doing my best to reclaim these "tainted" areas of my life, but it's still hard. Here's the short version of my list:

Hawaii, where we got married on the beach
Disneyworld- where we vacationed together multiple times
Disneyland- where we vacationed with his five kids
80's hairband music- his fave
Anything with an Oregon Ducks logo. He developed a sudden interest in this college football team, foolishly I thought he was trying to bond with one of his sons, who had always been a fan of the Ducks. Turned out... OW is a fan. It had nothing to do with his son.
Jeep 4-door hardtop Wranglers. I never realized there are a freaking MILLION of these on the road until now.
The house I live in, where OW used to come hang out with a friend of ours she was dating.
My hot tub, which she's been in. Sucks because I could use the stress release.
My bed, which I also believe she has been in.
Pendleton Whiskey, which he never liked before but I found stashed in the bedroom after I'd been gone to visit my parents. (hence the list item just above this one...)

And of course, the inevitable ruination of:

My heart
My trust
My peace
My faith in other people
My future
My past
My present

All. In. Pieces.

But I am working, and trying, and gluing them back as best I can. I will not stay in pieces. I will not let him defeat me.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin

Posts: 912 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My birthday. I've tried hard now that I have connected the dots, but so far, I still hate the day I was born. This is the deepest wound, it cuts to the core of who I am and my existence.

Our college. MrH was a cop in our college after we graduated, before he got his current job. He met xOw1's H (also a cop) and I was getting my teaching cert during the A. The entire campus is filled with memories of them and the days after d-day.

Our past. Now that MrH has finally begun being honest, I realize our entire relationship was built on a facade he presented to me. I shared with him my emotional scars, not wanting to get into a relationship based on dishonesty. I was not rewarded with honesty from him.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11217 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

White gmc dual wheeled trucks.

My brother's birthday

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A couple more things:

I hate that my daughter has such low expectations of men because of her father and his actions.

I hate that my son is afraid of being like his dad.

I wish they had a father they could respect.

Divorced and beginning my new life.

2 Ddays and lots of TT

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken

Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@falling DS is so afraid of being like his dad, I've assured him that he is nothing like him. One.of my DD said she will never get married because she says she wouldnt trust her husband. Very sad to me
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As sad as these posts are, I too enjoy threads like this because I see that I'm not alone.

Someone else put it best (sorry, I wasn't paying attention to the name): I think my husband is ruined for me. I think that actually sums it up quite nicely.

I wouldn't say that they're ruined, but I was starting a couple new hobbies when my WH had his affair. I didn't have the energy/drive to practice them long enough to see if I like them/could be good at them. I am currently being ruthless, and getting rid of lots of stuff (in anticipation of moving to a small apartment), so I'm wondering if there's any point in keeping this stuff. Maybe the crochet hook, since it's so small.

Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner

Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
♀ Member
Member # 39170
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, I too was working on a book. I figured I'd never finish it, so I shredded it. I remember the plot though, so maybe i'll write it again when my kids are grown and away.

Me: BS (32)
Him: WH (31)
Married 3 years.
Confessed to PA April 21 2013.

DS (6), DS (18 months)

Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".

Status: Done like dinner

Posts: 277 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The frozen North, eh?
♂ Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bald headed men
One sexual position
Black Dodge trucks
Kids going back to school
Intersection where he'd pick her up
All the woods/forest near out house (because she doesn't know the location he took her)
One car show near house
Columbus Day (and three weeks before)

Not sure why BJs are on that list?

[This message edited by SecondHelping at 9:01 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]

D-Day 1: Feb 1990
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49, fWW 43 (Amibroken)
OP- Police Chief (Age 37)
M 25 Yrs, 3 Kids (17, 14, 11)
I initated the relationship at the Railway Tavern, she tried to end it at Scrap Tavern

Posts: 489 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Topic Posts: 53
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