This coming week we're hosting the grandkids for their annual summer visit. We did this just prior to the A. We went to The Henry Ford with them and had (I thought) a great time. Now he wants to visit the Ford Factory Tour with the kids. It means driving by one of the affair Red Roof Inns in Ann Arbor. He and his AP shopped in the mall by the highway and ate in restaurants in that area.I must admit that I am terrified that it will trigger me in front of the grandchildren. We have discussed it and he feels nothing about going near there. His compartmentalization abilities are mind-boggling.
I know it's time for me to face these kinds of triggers but it's going to be tough.
It's the thought of never having had experienced the 'love' that I have always desired. Pretty sad. I never got it from my father or from any of the men in my life.
I have chosen to love myself and that's what counts.
Hawaii, where we got married on the beach Disneyworld- where we vacationed together multiple times Disneyland- where we vacationed with his five kids 80's hairband music- his fave Anything with an Oregon Ducks logo. He developed a sudden interest in this college football team, foolishly I thought he was trying to bond with one of his sons, who had always been a fan of the Ducks. Turned out... OW is a fan. It had nothing to do with his son. Jeep 4-door hardtop Wranglers. I never realized there are a freaking MILLION of these on the road until now. The house I live in, where OW used to come hang out with a friend of ours she was dating. My hot tub, which she's been in. Sucks because I could use the stress release. My bed, which I also believe she has been in. Pendleton Whiskey, which he never liked before but I found stashed in the bedroom after I'd been gone to visit my parents. (hence the list item just above this one...)
And of course, the inevitable ruination of:
My heart My trust My peace My faith in other people My future My past My present
All. In. Pieces.
But I am working, and trying, and gluing them back as best I can. I will not stay in pieces. I will not let him defeat me.
"You've always had the power, my dear.You just had to learn it for yourself." Glinda, Wizard of Oz
Our college. MrH was a cop in our college after we graduated, before he got his current job. He met xOw1's H (also a cop) and I was getting my teaching cert during the A. The entire campus is filled with memories of them and the days after d-day.
Our past. Now that MrH has finally begun being honest, I realize our entire relationship was built on a facade he presented to me. I shared with him my emotional scars, not wanting to get into a relationship based on dishonesty. I was not rewarded with honesty from him.
❣Your soulmate is the person who helps grow your soul into a better being rather than tearing it down❣
My brother's birthday
I hate that my daughter has such low expectations of men because of her father and his actions.
I hate that my son is afraid of being like his dad.
I wish they had a father they could respect.
2 Ddays and lots of TT divorcing
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
Someone else put it best (sorry, I wasn't paying attention to the name): I think my husband is ruined for me. I think that actually sums it up quite nicely.
I wouldn't say that they're ruined, but I was starting a couple new hobbies when my WH had his affair. I didn't have the energy/drive to practice them long enough to see if I like them/could be good at them. I am currently being ruthless, and getting rid of lots of stuff (in anticipation of moving to a small apartment), so I'm wondering if there's any point in keeping this stuff. Maybe the crochet hook, since it's so small.
DS (6), DS (18 months)
Aug 30 2013 He gives me back his ring with an ultimatum: "Get over it or get out".
Status: Done like dinner
Not sure why BJs are on that list?
[This message edited by SecondHelping at 9:01 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]
