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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Having a hard day
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, just a brief summary of my story:
I am 35 weeks pregnant with DD #2, 5 weeks ago H told me he wanted a divorce but would stick around until the baby was born. Shocked the hell out of me. I knew we had some problems but nothing that would lead to this, especially while expecting a baby! He said he wasn't in love with me anymore and that we both deserve to be happy. I checked phone records and see hundreds of texts with a girl he works with, he denies everything and says they are just friends. One night I catch him sleeping at her house. He still denies everything but I asked him to leave, so he is now living with her. Still just friends, but he thinks he loves her.

I keep going back and forth, not knowing what to believe. He truly is the last person I would expect to cheat, so I have a hard time not believing him when he says there is nothing going on. But I also feel like if nothing has happened yet, it will happen soon and then I truly will lose him forever. He seems so detached from me, so unconcerned about the situation he has put me in, and that is not like him at all. Some days I just want to scream, accept reality that he most likely is in love with this new girl and try to move on, but other days I just want to be as sweet as can be and try to make him wake up and realize what he is walking away from. I don't know what to do....


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should also add that he seems totally uninterested in R. I have begged him to try MC but his mind seems so made up. There were no warning signs leading up to this and I feel helpless. I feel so jealous of all these WS's that apologize and want to try to R, mine just stopped caring about me all together.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Pregnantandsad)), my heart aches for you. I, too, am due in September and just found out my H has been cheating.

I'm going to be blunt here - your WH is full of shit. Something has happened already, he is having an affair. Even if it hasn't yet gotten physical (although I'd be willing to bet it has) it is an emotional affair and that is just as much a betrayal of you and your marriage.

Please be kind to yourself, I know how difficult this is right now. I think being in denial is completely normal at this point. This is the man you planned on spending the rest life, why would you ever think he could do something so horrible?

As far as not wanting to R, his head is up his ass right now. I believe this is what the veterans around here call the fog and would suggest you respond with the 180. There is more info about it in the healing library.

Please take care of yourself. Seek out IC and the advice of an attorney. Again, I'm so sorry you have to suffer through this.

[This message edited by Fireflies at 11:51 AM, August 8th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
Fireflies
♀ Member
Member # 40210
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should clarify to say seek out the advice of an attorney re child support.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Go your way,
I'll take the long way 'round,
I'll find my own way down,
As I should.

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Grr Argh
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PNS, you know and I know that he's in an affair. He isn't just sleeping over there because his OW is "just friends." He's doing a hell of a lot more than sleeping there. I'm sorry.

This is going to be hard, very hard, But you need to stop thinking of him and you. You need to be come Momma Bear and think about your children. First off, call you doctor right now and tell him that your husband had an affair and you have to assume he had unprotected sex with a stranger. You need to be seen and tested. There are STDs that will harm your baby. You need to be check out immediately and treated, if necessary. Yes, your WH exposed both you AND your unborn child to disease. Just remember this fact any time that you are tempted to be weak.

Next, get to an attourney ASAP and file for spousal support (SS) and child support (CS). Channel that inner Momma Bear again and make sure that your children and you are taken care of. I guarantee he is not thinking about your welfare because, well, he's in luuuurve with a ho who is going to soak him for every cent she can get and possibly get knocked up as well. And immediately file for CS for her child who will then be in front of YOUR children for support. So get it done now and get it done quickly. You can always rescend the orders if you want to later on. But right now, he has his head up his hiney and all he can see in that black hole is his bright-n-shiny new lover. Protect yourself, protect your children.

Next, implement the 180 and institute NC (no contact) for him except for working out child visitation and finances. Nothing else. No chit chat, no have a nice day, no I want you back, no go to hells, nada, nothing. He want's to act like a single guy, treat him like one.

(((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4857 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did go and get tested last week, heard back from the doctor on Tuesday that everything was clear, thank goodness.

I have spoke with an atty and got all the forms I need, I just still can't believe we are about to go through with all of this. One month ago I thought everything was fine

I think I would die if he got OW pregnant.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
BrighterFuture
♀ Member
Member # 38914
Default  Posted: 2:15 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 35 weeks pregnant too. Due in September. The thing is whether or not he's having an affair is not the issue eventhough his behavior proves that he is, he wants divorce and has no remorse. Focus on you and your kids, not him. It's very hard but surround yourself with people who care about you.

Hugs and strength.


Me:30
Him:31
D-day:2/24/13 (I was 10 weeks pregnant at the time and DS was 15 months)
Status: Parted ways!

"If only I can fight just a little longer, I know it's gonna make me stronger" Jamie Grace-Holding on.


Posts: 348 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Ohio
Smokehouse
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear pregnantandsad, so sorry for you having to be on this site. The 180 is perfect for your situation. You have to think of yourself and the kids. Born and unborn. The stress could be harmful to u and ur unborn.

You need to read and retread about the 180. This will give you back confidence and the power you need.

I feel so sad for you. There are many in your situation, which is especially sad in of itself. Take back control of yourself and your life. Be strong and do what needs to be done. His words are hurtful and uncaring.

It sounds like you know what needs to be done and have at least started the process, but, still holding out hope. Not saying it couldn't happen, but, moving forward is the best thing right now. Good luck.

BS - 49
WW - 33
SD - 10
Heartbroken - 07/21/13
In R - so far so good.


Posts: 162 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
pregnantandsad
♀ Member
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the replies. I am in IC and trying very hard to remain stress free for me & my kids sake. I am going to re-read the 180 today and try my hardest to stick with it. I know I need to stay strong and stop thinking about him, it's just so much easier said than done, you know? Everytime I feel a little better, I get a picture of them in my mind and feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. Please tell me that gets better at some point.


M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Whatdoido333
♀ Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does get better and it will get better. Focus on your and your babies. It's his loss. For a woman to get involved with a married man is disgusting, for a woman to get involved with a married man whose wife is pregnant, absolute trash.

Take care of yourself....get a good L and get every last penny from him for you and your kids that you can.


Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 10

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