To say she played a big role in our R would be an over and at the same understatement.
She's been through her own hell (not A related) and has handled it with authenticity and grace. Where most people would have crumbled, she rose up and beyond. And she makes a mean margarita . I would have wanted to be friends with her even if mr unfound and I had never met.
On dday, she was among the first that I called. The reason I suppose was two fold. One, to out the A, and two, I needed someone to come get the kids before I confronted (in person) mr unfound. She was here in a flash. No questions asked. She did tell me that she would keep the kids for as long as I needed, she would support any decisions *I* made and told me she loved me.
A few days later, mr unfound went to talk to her and she LET. HIM. HAVE. IT. She had always said that she would always support us in our M, but if either one of us fucked up, she'd call us on it. She lived up to that promise. She assured him that she loved him, but was livid with him and would not take his side just because he was her son. He was in the wrong, period.
When I left a month or so later, she came to see me off. She cried with me and said she understood why I was leaving. Told me to take as much time as I needed and again, what ever I decided to do, she would support 100%.
When we started to R, she let us both know that she would not interfere or get involved unless it was requested..that she was always available to take the kids if/when we needed it. Again, she made good with those words. She never asked for details. Never brought up the subject unless it was to quietly, gently and privately ask "are you okay?".
She would just so happen to have a gift card to a restaurant for us when it seemed we needed a night out alone. She offered at least once a week to keep the kids for a couple of days under the rouse that she needed grandkid time. She kept it light and easy and comfortable when we were at her house, yet never acted as if nothing was wrong.
Over the years, she continues to be a silent, but ever present supporter of our R. A true friend of the M, and a great margarita maker .
Happy happy MIL.
Happy birthday to your MIL!
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
A wonderful story! God bless!!
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."
I knew ex-MIL and ex and all his ENORMUS family members since I was 16. I called her mom, even. Lost all of that family with the D. I was the one who kept the relationship with his family when we were married: arranging visits, going to showers, funerals, hospital visits, church.
I often wonder about his family and how they are. 14 years is a long time to care about people. Sad that is gone now……….
He saw his Mom's face 2 other times when he was meeting OW who was threatening to tell me if he stopped seeing her.
We were both very close to his Mom who passed over 5 years ago .
[This message edited by whattheh at 5:04 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]
Your relationship with your MIL is a beautiful thing. She sounds like a wonderful woman.
I considered my MIL a mother, we were extremely close. However, when LD cheated on me in 94, she didn't support me, she stuck by him. It hurt a lot but it taught me a huge lesson.
I still loved her and embraced our close relationship after LD and I sorted things out.
Didn't mean to t/j...just wanted you to know that I'm happy for you that you have this wonderful person in your life.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
Gotta love the life that we livin'
She sounds amazing
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
My MIL said WH didn't do anything wrong, blamed me for WH's A, lives in our neighborhood but has NEVER helped with our 4 kids, however has never hesitated to ask me to help her, & never hesitates to interfere & intrude with un-asked for advice. DEFINITELY NOT A FRIEND OF OUR MARRIAGE.
I am happy for you, unfound, that you have a MIL like that.
Happy Birthday to her.
I am indeed lucky to have her in my life and my M.
She had a wonderful birthday with family and friends. I'd been ruminating on her support for us all day and tried to give a little toast to her at the party thanking her. Of course the tears started up . In true MIL fashion, she ran up, hugged me tight and announced "excuse my DIL, she's is going through the change, give her a break and someone get her a drink!!!", then whispered "I love you, and thank you.. I know it hasn't been easy, but it's all okay now".
On a positive side, when my uncle divorced his wife several yards ago, his mother (my grandmother) told every one that she would be kind to anyone he married, but she loved his first wife like a daughter, and nothing would change that. I wish I had a MIL like that.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
In contrast, when I told my MIL, she got angry that the son she thought had it all together, didn't. She told me how she had hoped she had 'one normal son' but it was obvious she didn't. She also was worried that I'd kick him out and he'd want to live with her. She made it clear that wasn't an option. Since then, she doesn't ask any questions and keeps her distance. I guess as long as she's not inconvenienced then all is ok
I love my MIL too but when I told her she was quite supportive and shared that she too had gone through it but since the beginning she has disconnected and doesn't even acknowledge it happened anymore. She never asks me how I am doing, has never had a conversation with her son regarding the A, it's just a non-existent problem I guess. It breaks my heart!