If he wasn't mine and I was watching him in the street I would probably think "yum" but he's not the man I physically knew and I honestly dont know why that bothers me so much. My friends all say it's because I think he'll cheat again and maybe they're right but that's not really ringing true. I put my arms around him and he's just not "him" anymore you know? It's getting to be a real issue as I'm physically turned off by him and am back to faking it - ugh! I've even tried telling myself that I'm being unfair as I'd expect him to still love and want me if I had an accident and lost a limb - that's how drastic the change in his physical appearance has been!
Has anyone else been through this? Any tips or advice please? We've worked too hard to stay together after the A, I can't lose him to a stupid diet regime! Thanx in advance x
Me BS 42
D-day January 14 2007
Definitely R, Married 15 years and counting
OW was a complete slapper and not worth my typing about her!
This is something many of us may carry STRONG feelings about and it doesn't shock me that you are having a strong reaction to this change. 70 lbs is a BIG change and maybe you're just adjusting? Maybe your h's last signifigant weight loss occured around the time of his A and you're triggering? Is he all preening about it and it's an attitude thing? Or, is it strictly his physical appearance you're reacting to? I guess I don't have any clarity for you . . . wish I did.
H and I both lost just before he cheated. Body image stuff can have such an impact on how we function and react, it's good you're aware and wondering about it anyway. Best wishes.
i edit frequently because i have to
I wish I had advice for you, but know you are not alone. I've been wondering if I would still feel this way if he hadn't had his A, but been afraid to even bring it up with anyone
Joined a gym, he does not want to go ever. Fix healthy meals, he snacks on junk food. It is his life problem that he blames his low esteem which lead to the A....yes, he takes full responsibility of the A. He does not want to make the eating habit changes to live...why should I work at R when he won't work to live? Cold hearted....not really. Just don't want to bury him
As far as not recognizing each other...I will tell you some day's I do not recognize myself in the mirror, sometimes I do not recognize him in a crowded room. He passed me bike riding a couple of weeks ago looking for me and didn't recognize me. We have each changed, but we feel different inside, so I am sure it shows outside.
I would ask if deep down, you are worried he might cheat or is cheating which is why it is turning you off? The fear of the why he is losing it may also bother you. I know during the beginning I looked at my H and didn't know him...how could he have done this to me?? If he had lost a lot of weight during the A or in the early days of R I would have been very suspicious and angry.
Have you talked to him about this at all?
Years ago I had GBP and lost over 200lbs, my then DH just couldn't handle it. He even tried to sabotage me to gain wieght back. He would not do counseling, he would not talk about with me. I just tell he viewed me different. It did cause the death of our marriage.
Talk to him, get MC/IC, if he had joined me we may still be married. This just exasperated our issues. We do remain friends now but who knows what would have happened.
I also lost many women friends who thought I was after their DHs. My weight changed not my morals but then again I was not a WW, so I can see how that might affect the trigger points.