Dr appt went well. Doc says everything looks very healthy but bloodwork is not in. She was sympathetic and non judgmental, also reassuring as I told her that I had given blood in March and that if anything had been found in the screening which they always do I would have had a call (that's how it works up here, not sure about elsewhere). She said I will have to go back for more tests in 3 months and again at 6 but I am hopeful that at least my health is intact (that I know of).
I knew the Trickle Truth was in full effect today, I just knew. I pressed more. I told him he HAD to tell me everything or else this will never have a hope of being R. He said the last one (he says this is the last one) was another man that he met once. No anal, no oral strictly masturbation, touching but not even kissing - no exchange of body fluid (thank god). He said that was the one he held back on because he thought it was the worst. The funny thing is, I was less hurt by that than the 3 other women. I think it's because in my sick way of thinking it's not a level playing field so to speak. He did it more out of curiosity and decided that it wasn't for him. I am "competing" against these other women.
And he finally admitted that about 6 months ago he contacted his first fling again via e-mail (something previously he had said he didn't do) and that he approached her for more hook ups but that she was married now and she didn't want to cheat on her husband! Now that's irony for you!
I wonder how long her marriage will last, considering she had no problem sleeping with a married man before. Wedding rings = whore magnet. These people are so devoid of any self worth that they think it's a challenge, a trophy for them to go after someone who is married; it makes them feel superior for a split second " I was able to get your husband into bed with me, he doesn't love you, he cheated, I win". WRONG. THE WS ALMOST NEVER LEAVES THEIR SPOUSE, as I am slowly finding out.
I know it's hard to believe shoemaven that a 2.5 year long affair was not emotional but it wasn't. I am slowly learning this. This was selfishness on the part of your WS, looking to fill a void with sex and a false sense of being wanted, to escape their "real" life for just a while because reality isn;t working for them. It's cheap and it fades fast, that just leaves them wanting more, and there is the endless cycle of adultery.
In my case I asked my WS why he ended it with his 2 year OW. He said that it was because she started wanting more than just the sex, she wanted a real relationship, and he didn't want to give that to her. Obviously that is not what he was looking for or he wouldn't have come home, he would have left me.
We had our first MC session today, it was somewhat productive and it felt good to hear someone say to me "it's not your fault". We have another appt next week; WS is supposed to start writing about his feelings. This is a really long process but I hope it's worth it. I think anyone that believes in their marriage vows "for better or worse" would have to do some serious soul searching if this ever happened to them - don't let people judge you "walk a mile in someone else's shoes" it's impossible to judge if you have never lived it... Would they try? Would they take a look at the time, commitment and all the good things before the A? I have a feeling that people who think they have good marriages actually would find out quickly that they don't if they were faced with what we are going through. ((Hugs))
