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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Lost
MovingForward88
♀ New Member
Member # 40237
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sick of being the stupid one for just loving my H they way a wife should when you get married. We are a military family and have gone threw many things in our realtionship but this last thing has killed me inside. I caught him talking to a women while he was in school he told me It wasn't what I thought and they made up a story about what was going on I left it alone but when we got to our next duty station everything fell apart he finally told me that he was talking to another women and that was it ... I always knew there was something more but he made me feel like I was crazy. Finally a couple of weeks ago he laid it all out on the table that he slept with her and it just happened I still think there is more to the story. I'm not sure if I want to be with him anymore but still love him (but I don't think I'm in love with him) he keeps telling me that he has changed and that he wants to work things out but I'm not sure what I want anymore . How do we go on after all the lies

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013
canteat
♀ Member
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YOU ARE NOT STUPID!! Just a loving wife who just got blindsided! I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. You do not have to make ANY decisions right now. You have been dealt a heavy blow and are in shock.You have a lot to think about and he has a lot to PROVE.

Fair warning, you are probably right that there is more to the story. WS lie and try to diminish what happened. The truth usually comes out slowly (called TT-trickle truth) And it sucks!

There is a lot of information here in the healing library and on the forums. Read, read, read. You will see that there is a "road map" of sorts, things that must happen in order to put the pieces back together. Everyone's story is different but there are some basic things that need to be addressed for everyone. Getting the truth, NC, transparancy, rebuilding trust etc.

Right now, take care of yourself. Don't worry about making any decisions. Try to eat, get some sleep and give yourself time to get used to the fact that things are different now. You will get through this. You have strength in yourself that you don't even know exists. *hugs*


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 150 | Registered: Jun 2013
DollheartDead
♀ New Member
Member # 40234
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not stupid - you trusted him and he betrayed that trust. There are so many of us it makes me sick. I hope you can work it out if that's what you want. I don't know what I am going to do yet as the wounds are still raw. Hugs


DDay # 1, Aug 7, 2013
DDay #2, Oct 30, 2013
Married(if you can call it that):12 years in November
Together since 1998, thought I knew him
"You can try to suck me dry, but there's nothing left to suck"

Posts: 15 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are not stupid, I loved my husband as you described when he started his A. Funny thing, I thought he felt that way about me. It is hard to heal, it is hard to recover from the lies. I don't think they realize the pain they cause and the time they rip from our lives. So much crumbles immediately.

The good thing is you do not have to make a decision now. You have time to watch him, watch his actions and make decisions based on that. You can give yourself a timeline (I did) to make a decision by or you can leave it open. It is ok to try and later decide it was a dealbreaker. Or you can decide it is a deal breaker now. I love my husband, but I do not feel the giddy love that I had for him for 26 years. Now, it is a different love. I do not think the other one will ever come back, but I don't know that it would with anyone.

Right now, take care of yourself, eat, drink and get some rest. Take things slowly, read the website and post often. We are here for you. Welcome to SI.


Me-50 BS
Him 57-WS
Married 30 yrs, together 33
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1442 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
whattheh
♀ Member
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, August 8th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way about being a faithful spouse. But it doesn' t make us stupid. I had a tough time struggling with the way this violated my moral code. Plus I lost respect for my hubby. I hated what he did but I still love him which is why I chose to go for R.

I read on one website that saying not in love but still love is often based on fear?

[This message edited by whattheh at 8:42 PM, August 8th (Thursday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 cheated after 32 years of M with CL moneygrubbing whore
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
MovingForward88
♀ New Member
Member # 40237
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone... I'm just trying to figure out where i want to go with this ... Some days I just want to leave and than others I think we can work it out but it's hard when I also have to think about my 3 little one and how they are feeling. I have never been the type to show my kids that my husband and I are fighting but it's been hard to put a smile on my face for them :(

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013
MovingForward88
♀ New Member
Member # 40237
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone... I'm just trying to figure out where i want to go with this ... Some days I just want to leave and than others I think we can work it out but it's hard when I also have to think about my 3 little one and how they are feeling. I have never been the type to show my kids that my husband and I are fighting but it's been hard to put a smile on my face for them :(

Posts: 6 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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