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User Topic: Do you think they obsess over us the way we do about them?
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well the name BTW...I will admit to lurking on a site for ow. Right after DD and before I found SI, I went on one to see how the ow tick. I'd have to say, it didn't seem like they did. You know how we
get destroyed with sudden insecurities about ourselves? Well they think they are #1 and these poor guys have to go home at night to be with their bitchy wives and whining kids, while they dream about them. The ones who had been dumped, oh yes they obsessed. I'm afraid some of our ws paint a pretty ugly picture of us.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5133 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ Member
Member # 37797
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put some fake details on my old FB page trying to limit contacts (didn't work) but OW got my fake birthday there and every year has a local business put birthday wishes up on their sign for me. Still makes references to me/WH on her FB. Still thinks I'm the only reason he didn't stay with her, and can't get past the fact that she lost a man.

Me: BW 50's
Him: WH 60ish
Married all my adult life
LTA, in limbo re: R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Eastern seaboard
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do yes in a way. I think she thought she was super hot stuff and can't wonder why anyone wouldn't want her. But of course it's all about her.

Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".

Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have come to know that both OW2 (8yrs) and OW3 (1 yr) left their BHs thinking they could snare my FWH.

So me, yes, I pray they do think about me
I pray every night that the arrogant remorseless bitches lie alone in their cold and lonely beds and cry over losing my FWH and regret leaving their BHs.

They did everything they could to get my FWH.

I hope they cry every day for the rest of their lives for their lost love.

I hope they have the most awful mind movies about us in bed together or their BHs with new partners.

Poor pathetic OW. Sometimes I (almost) feel sorry for her (then I remember I hate her and she should die a firey death.)

A firey death is too good. A firey hell suits me better

But then I am a vindictive bitch

Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I doubt the OW with whom my fWH (wow, did I just type that?!?!) had his A thinks about me at all. She is really limited in ability to think about much other than the next concert or party with her high school friends (she is 40!!!)

I didn't think about her much until a couple of weeks ago and then I was pretty "twitchy". The more I found about her, either the less his A made sense or the less R made sense. Finally talked with fWH a couple of days ago and he said "of course she isn't anything like you!" They shared a love of music and during a period of great depression, she was "there for him" but after three months and he started to really know her, he realized how stupid he was being.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 612 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
♀ Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW stalked me before i even knew about the A and after.
Between her following me around, online stalking, pinterest, facebook and god knows what else i would safely say yes.
At one point she was more obsessed with me than she was with my WH.

him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a pretty strong feeling she does obsess over me. She did everything in her power to make my DH leave me for her. She honestly thinks she is hot shit. For a while, she was showing up wherever we would be and would make sure we seen her. She knows that we walk with the band in every parade, she is at every parade, sitting were she is sure we will see her. If she sees me out without him, she will flip me off. She has blocked me, him and my kids on FB. But I have a pretty good feeling that she unblocks us when she wants to see what we are doing and then reblocks us. Do I really care anymore? Nope! I figure let her obsess, maybe it will drive her completely crazy. I know what she is. My Dh now knows what she is. He fully understands what she did, the lies she told him, how she played him. Yeah, every once in a while I will check out her adult kids FB, hoping for a pic of her to be there. There has never been anything. They post pics of them with their dad and stepmom, but never her. I only want a pic for dart practice. Or as I have said before....

"I took up photography because it is the only legal way I can shoot people and cut off their heads!"

Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I admit I was totally obsessed with her in the beginning. She is 20 year younger and attractive. It was the self esteem/threat I felt. She seemed to be obsessed with H. I used to refer to her as aggressive. Now, I see how twisted she is. She tried to get his attention every second. Even with me on his arm. She had no boundaries. crossed the line. ANd she too thought of herself as perfect. I cant help but think she would obsess still. I wonder how long she continued without me knowing? I believe she now has moved on to several other men. SHe keeps losing her jobs. she has had 5 jobs in 5 years. That tells me alot. My final conclusion of her is that she has daddy issues, and she wants money. She hates to work. So, alot of it is obsessing, but over her needs. Not love.

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 951 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS says that OW filed stalking charges against him as revenge when she found out he was with me, and that I was their main source of arguments. So I'm guessing she thought about me. But, she's a bitch because she tried to break us up.

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1206 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post

[This message edited by Lonelygirl10 at 8:51 AM, August 9th (Friday)]

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1206 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely. OW stalked me online during the A and after. The most recent confirmation I have is March she was still creeping on me.

I do make a point of posting happy life photos publicly to Facebook that would piss her off (yes she is blocked, but we all know, and I dearly hope, all she has to do is make up another fake acct and she can see public posts); Pinterest items that she can interpret wrong; etc.

MOW is a serial cheat. Basically has issues about getting drunk and acting out sexually with married men. Her BH wouldn't touch her (I think they were supposedly in R from her last known rodeo) and she had my WH and at least one other guy she was recording amateur porn videos for and sending to them.

At some point a few months before Dday she decided that WH would be her next patsy/bankroll and separated from her BH with the intent of marrying WH.

She's pushing 50, perimenopausal and putting back on all the weight she had lap banding and tummy/skin tucks to remove. I hope she spends the rest of her life insecure over her weight, alone and regretting what she did to her BH and me and obsessing over my life.

(FYI, I am not putting down overweight people. I just happen to know that her weight is one of her biggest insecurities and considering how insecure she has made me, I'd like her to suffer more)

Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 895 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I know she is obsessed over us still being together. She outed the A to me when WH#2 wouldn't leave me for her on both DDay'2. I also know she is jealous that I am prettier than her and have a college degree and make more money (all out of her mouth as to why he hadn't left me for her). She is still trying to break NC, so I know she is still after my husband, so I know she is obsessed with us being together. On DDay#1 she had the gall to ask me if he was sleeping with me and if we were having sex (guess he told her he wasn't). Of course I refused to answer any of her questions about our sex life or our marriage. I hope she goes to bed crying every night for the fiance she lost because he was married (yes, he gave her an engagement ring to shut her up). She acted like he was hers and I was the one standing in the way of their happiness. If only she knew what I put up with because he is an alcoholic and drinks himself into a stupor on a daily basis. I have even ask him to leave and he refuses to go.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will admit to some time spent wondering if OW is pleased with herself for winning away a married man from his young family.

He lied to her in huge ways and still does, from my small understanding, if I let anyone tell me.

I've wondered how an OW feels when they "win" and know there are kids involved whose lives they helped to wreck. Even if there are circumstances we don't know, even if they say "go figure it out and then come back" and the WS does return, still, a family and many lives were ruined.

It's about the only thing I would ever consider saying to her, but it's passive and hopefully will be more fleeting than it is currently, in down times.

This OW is apparently a mother also and I used to wonder what kind. I don't too much, anymore.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ Member
Member # 36409
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sure she thought about me. I know she talked bad about me many times and wanted my WH to leave me for her. She thought she was hot shit. I thought so too. A big pile of steaming hot shit.

Me BS (35)
Him WH (38)
2 Children - 9 & 1 years
DDay #1 Sept 2011
DDay #2 Nov 2011
In R

I feel angry but not homocidal; this may be progress.

Posts: 51 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 37645
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think she's more obsessed with me than I was with her. She's still rearing her ugly head after 9 months. I think she's up to 17 FB profiles & 6 email addresses now. She keeps sending me information that I already know thinking this will be the piece that causes me to leave him. She's pissed he told me everything. She's pissed he was given an open door to walk out of directly to her & he begged me to let him stay & be the husband I deserved. She hated him telling her in his NC email that she was the biggest mistake of his life & he was committed to me & repairing the damage he had done to his family & our marriage. She's attempted contact with him a couple times to threaten to sue him (even posing as an attorney that doesn't exist) to recoup the money she spent coming to our state to screw my H with no response from him (yes he tells & shows me immediately). Her primary focus since DD has been on me. Jealous much? She's a special kind of crazy

BW (me) - 47
WH (him) - 39
DDay - 10/22/2012 (worst day of my life)

Learning to breathe again - one day at a time

Posts: 235 | Registered: Nov 2012
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I totally understand where you are coming from but I have come to the conclusion that it's a waste of energy. People who engage in affairs - as a WS or as OW/OM - are selfish, self centered people. Not going to invest the energy I need to reserve for healing on someone like that. That's not giving them a pass, either.

Want to add that after talking with a longtime close friend of mine who engaged in a year long affair with a married man with a young child over ten years ago, I can tell you they pretty much don't think about anyone except themselves and their married affair partner. They have to compartmentalize otherwise they might feel guilty. There is also a certain sense of entitlement that has to be present as well as someone who is at their core damaged in some way. Someone who needs validation, or needs to feel powerful in some way to overcome their insecurity.

[This message edited by womaninflux at 2:03 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She thought she was hot shit. I thought so too. A big pile of steaming hot shit.

This made me

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if you would call it an obsession but OW wants me as dead as I want her. Thanks for that.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2242 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of them certainly do. A good number of those who "win" (i.e. marry following divorce) the wayward spouse end up taking on an unnerving number of similar characteristics - hair cuts, vehicles, nicknames, etc. to the BS.

I guess I've always assumed that those OPs who obsess do so in a way that is possessive of the WS, or competitive if that makes sense.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13798 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ Member
Member # 20547
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How she met FWH was hearing about him (and his awful spouse, ME) through a mutual friend.

She was stalking both of our social networking profiles before we even knew who she was.

Over 6 years later, she finds me on every social networking site she can.

New Year's even as we were celebrating and watching the ball drop, she was on Pinterest repinning my pins.

This does not go for all of them. Some just "want who/what they want" and do not care.

But for some, like my FWH's OW, it is VERY much about competing with the BS.

BS- me.
FWS- him.
DDay 6/07 (immediately separated)
RDay 8/07
OC born 3/08
OC Adopted 2014


Posts: 2312 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: PNW
Topic Posts: 45
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