D-day-True D-Day 1 week ago
(Sorry if this is long- I need to get my story out as Im too ashamed and hurt to discuss with family and friends right now)
So, I am 25 weeks pregnant. I noticed two months ago that my WH was retreating away from me. I was bothered but thought it was related to pregnancy because he acted similar during the last pregnancy. We have been married for 9 years and together for 17. To my knowledge, we have never had any infidelity before. However, over the last 3 weeks something felt worse. I caught my WH in a lie when he has always been honest with me. We have two homes and we go back and forth on weekends. He has businesses in the city at one home. He was working late on a Friday in his office. He texted me late and said he was too tired and was going to stay in that city overnight to get some sleep. When I woke up, I had to go to work, so I decided to see if he had already left and was on his way home. If not, I would have to call the babysitter. I checked the security at the other house, which will let me know if he had left the house already. Well it showed that no one had been in that house for over a week.
We have find my friend apps on our phone so we wont worry if someone is running late.. I work a job that has lots of emergencies and can be hard to reach..
So I looked at find my friend and he was at a home I did not recognize. I called him 3 time in a row until he answered and he was in the car saying that he was on his way home. He reiterated that he stayed in the other house. I did not bust him at that point that I knew he didn't stay at our house. In the past I have known him to be someone to tell the truth no matter how difficult. I felt that he would within the week tell me what was up. It never happened.
A week went by and his birthday came. We went to dinner and once we got home he fell asleep. We always have sex on special occasions. The next day, I couldn't handle it and I searched his phone while he was in the shower getting ready for work. There were several texts from women I didn't know..flirting at best but nothing terribly incriminating to me.
I confronted him with this and the knowledge that he didn't stay in our other home. He states that the women in the phones are people he met at a strip club that he really only goes mainly to talk with the man bartender who gives him good advice. He stated that he the night in question he stayed with a guy friend after deciding to go to this strip club at the last minute.
I took it in, but it made no sense to me. Why would he lie about staying at a guy friend's house.
Fast forward a week later, I discovered a new prescription written for him from a friend of ours. It is unusual for me not to know about any new medicines he might be taken. This prescription was obtained 3 days after he stayed at his "friends" house. I also found a receipt for women's underwear.
I confronted him with this and he admitted to a ONS blow job with a stripper who he had bought the items for her birthday. The medication was precautionary.
At this point, I didn't know what to think, how to feel. He promised there was no relationship and nothing besides this.
Fast forward to Saturday. Since I found this out, I had been using the friend finder app constantly (because I've lost trust completely). All of a sudden while talking to him when he was near the strip club, his location was suddenly not available. By Saturday, it had been over a week of this. He states he turned it off, because he felt like I was looking over his shoulder.
Anyway, on Saturday, I read his text messages again and became truly devastated. There was a message he sent to a woman apologizing for the condom breaking when they had sex and making sure that she didn't feel violated. ( The event didn't sound recent, just the apology).
My world crumbled. He then admitted to a ONS (with the above woman after getting drunk), the BJ and an EA lasting 6 weeks with 3 sexual encounters ( all of them from the strip club).
He wants to try to get to R and promised not to contact the woman with the EA. He erased their numbers. However, the EA women texted him last night and based on phone records, hes responding. When discussed he lied to me. He says she text and he didn't know who it was so responded who is it? Except that after the texts, I know he called her and text again later.
I know he didn't see her and the fried app is still on, but I don't know if I can take it if he continues to lie and talk to her. Prior to yesterday, it had more than a week since they spoke.
Moreover, my WH struggles with depression and has always refused treatment. We are to start MC this week, but when I suggested IC for both of us, he flipped. He feels guilty for what is happening to our family. He exhibited signs of self pity over bringing us to need IC. I think he is suicidal especially with thoughts that he may have injured our unborn child and that by having this A he has limited time with his toddler daughter.
I still love him. Not sure what to do. I am afraid that he will be unwilling to do the hard work and will hurt himself physically instead. I am not sure I am strong enough to lose him this way especially while pregnant. I feel like I should try to curb my feelings, so I dont' push him over the edge, but I really can't. I am experiencing too much self doubt, hurt and loneliness to pretend everything is okay.
I need help