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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wife does not want to reconcile, sees this as way out
♂ New Member
Member # 40245
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for the continued feedback. Sorry I have not replied sooner.

I doubt there is a good time to discover these things but my timing is probably the worst. I first confronted my wife a week and half before my parents came over to visit us (I am from the UK originally). I finally found out the full extent (the sex) of her affair on the night we went to a shore town for a week. So the past week has been me, my wife, the kids and my parents living in a condo together. Tense to say the least.

Things have gotten so strained and she has made it clear there is no hope of a reconciliation, so I am in get out mode right now. I am trying to be smart about it and I want to maximize my outcome. I am gonna setup an appointment with a lawyer on Monday. I have an initial consulation with a therapist of my own on Tuesday.

I am gonna go to the therapist with her on Thursday. I figure I have nothing to lose and I want to figure out what the hell she has been saying and what the therapist has been saying in response.

Someone suggetsed telling everyone about the affair, her colleagues, family etc. I am really tempted to do this but it feels chidlish and petty. It would give me short term pleasure but I dont see how it benefits me in the long run. I am also reluctant to harm the relationship with my kids mother. I guess if someone can give me a good reason why this would benefit me, I would be all ears!

Posts: 32 | Registered: Aug 2013
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Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its not about being vindictive. Rather, about bringing the affair out of the fantasy and secrecy and into the light. Once the reality of exposure sets in, the happy Lela rainbow kitty land rarely lasts. Suddenly things aren't as pretty as fantasy land and it helps to bring them out of the fog.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ScaredDad, as SBaker just said, "outing" the WS really isn't about being petty. Its common for many BS being so caught up in the insanity that this betrayal brings, that we somehow want to protect the WS or rationalize what they have done. Its a blaming game, period. You did NOT deserve this, and you don't owe your WW anything! I held on to my WW crappy secret for months longer than I should have. So in a way I was validating my moron WW, and prolonging the eventual outcome.
She may get her act together, or maybe not, but she sure as hell won't as long as she is still on Fantasy Island. Spread the word!

Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Topic Posts: 23
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