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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What are you afraid of
Undone1
♀ Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In terms of my letting go and forgiveness, I am trying to figure out what I am afraid of....

that he will do it again?
that I won't know if he does?
that I will have wished I would have left?

What are others afaid of that gets in your way of reconcilliation?


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
AML04
♀ Member
Member # 39682
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That he will stay and think about her anyway.


Me-BS Him-WH DS 5/12
T-13 M-9
DDay 5/26/13, TT through ???
2.5 yr EA w/co-worker, PA 12/12 to 4/13.
Hopeful for R

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: MA
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The illusion of progress.

That any change on his part is temporary or imagined and that I'm caught in complete delusion.

That all this effort and pain is for nothing.


Posts: 289 | Registered: Apr 2013
5674emt
♀ Member
Member # 40012
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That my unhappiness will make WH look elsewhere for companionship.

That I will lose the desire to continue fighting for my M.


BS 53
WH 44
M 14 years at time of DD
2 young daughters
DD 12-8-12
OW=Xfriend
A-3 YEARS and her husband was an accomplice.
In R, IC, & MC Since 1 week after DD. On the mend with the help of God, Friends and Family.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Central FL
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That he's still lying to me, and I'm the naive girl who believes him.

That he doesn't really love me the way I deserve


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 731 | Registered: Jul 2013
3kids30years
♀ Member
Member # 38879
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of the above -

Unfortunately.


BS (Faithful) - 53
WH (Not so much)- 54
DDay - 3/2/13 - 2:07pm
2+year EA/PA at least I think so - he isn't telling.

3 great kids :)

Married almost 30 years and here I am. Heartbroken.
Trying to make it thru each day. 4/14 - Still trying.


Posts: 175 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Nor Cal
Audrina
♀ Member
Member # 31522
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know what?
I was thinking what to answer but I just realized that...
I don't think I am afraid anymore.

Because I am a survivor and that if he EVER strayed again, I would hand him his shoes.
Just knowing that, empowers me.


Me (betrayed): 35
Him:45


Posts: 251 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Canada
Stillhurt123
♀ Member
Member # 35216
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with Audrina...I'm not afraid at all anymore.

Things happen, crazy things happen...but these last couple of years have been so tough...just so tough on me, my kids etc.

This is MY life, MINE...and only I can choose how to spend it.

I'm able to see past this...he does it again, yep it will hurt like an SOB, but hey in reality, it's his loss and it will hurt him more...I have my plan...step by step of how I will leave. It will be quick, like a bandaid and I will survive.

I will not forgive my FWH...nope, I can't. I can accept it, move forward, move beyond. I won't forgive him, I won't forget it. It's in my past, part of our history, it has made us who we are today for better or worse...

Now, keep in mind, my eyes are wide open...I am no fool, we are doing great, he has appeared honest, but I won't put anything past him and I probably never will. I still check his phone once in a while, still check his email, FB etc once in a while. It is something that I will do until I die because it makes me feel better. But I'm not 'afraid' of him doing it again.... I will deal with it if it comes up.


Married for 10 yrs, together 15
Me, BW - 37
Him, fWH- 40
3 kids
D-Day; Dec 13, 2011, TT and lies and lies and lies and lies
Back in R

Posts: 400 | Registered: Apr 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm afraid of never finding peace again....


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 47
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."


Posts: 3624 | Registered: Dec 2010
Conflicted1
♀ Member
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wasting more of my life.


Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wasting more of my life.

Ditto and what Audrina and Stillhurt said.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:41 PM, August 9th (Friday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
In R
"If it can be destroyed by the truth, it deserves to be destroyed by the truth." -Carl Sagan

Posts: 2248 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that he will open a door to her in guise of the "kids"

that I won't know if he does it again

that I will never stop the spontaneous tears that hit still

that I won't ever have a more than a week I don't think - How could he do this to me? to us?


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 926 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
DancinOnThinIce
♀ New Member
Member # 29873
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That this is just a lull in the storm. Ultimately that this is the best it will ever be. It's not. I was happiest about 5 years before the shit hit the fan. Of all the things, this was the third time. And honestly it was the last I'll ever accept. I never thought I was unworthy until I want a divorce came out of his mouth. I'll never think I'm worthy of his attention again. He's too often proven I'm not. He truly proved it by letting this one teach him that all the things I told him were important were. He planned her proposal. He never did that with me. I've never felt worthy and I probably won't ever.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW
Kids: 3 DD
D Day: 9/23/10
Status: R

I've never been good at sharing. ~ me


Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: dancinonthinice
sparklezombie
♀ Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That he's lying, not remorseful and will never stop. That I'm wasting my life with someone who doesn't respect me.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
Married 11.5 years
Two false R's.
Status: R, I guess. Trying to find the path of least regret...

Posts: 219 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
huRtZ413
♀ Member
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im afraid i wont have my shit together if and when he does it again....

I want to get through dental hygiene school and get big pay! if i can finish school before it all goes down hill that would be the idea time being ill be just out on the hunt for a high paying job that me and my girls will be fine and not need child support or any effort on his part .


and also that he does it again ....
i want to be married because i love him and for the kids and because im in the middle of trying to establish myself and i want to see where this all goes


-so him leaving, or doing it again!
-me trying to support two little girls with very little money and no credit history .
- me not loving him anymore



me_BW
him_WH


I'M ON THE FENCE



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
CLRhope4her
♀ Member
Member # 37243
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He stays because he should love me

He wishes he could go because he does love her

Someday he'll leave and my daughter will be partially raised by OW

I'll be sad forever


BW- Me 35 & WH- Him 38
OW- My BFF for 25 years
DDay- 6/28/12 Final truth- 7/28/12
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.”

Posts: 175 | Registered: Oct 2012
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a sad thread :/


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 47
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace."


Posts: 3624 | Registered: Dec 2010
standinghere
♂ Member
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, August 9th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think I am afraid anymore.

Whoever said this hit it on the head.

I went through hell on earth once, I'm not doing it again, not even partially, no day hikes, no approaches to it, no virtual reality trips, no nothing.

One of my greatest fears was of losing my wife, because I not only love her but I value her companionship greatly.

I had a wife before, who I felt the same way about, who left me over new-found religious convictions that I didn't share, and that was just awful. But it was understandable, after all who can compare themselves to God? It's pretty easy to understand someone leaving you for God.

However, tread to the infidelity aspect again, either emotionally or physically doesn't matter, and I'm done that very day.

That was the worst experience of my life, hands down. I'm not being compared to any other man, or woman, (or God for that matter), again, by anyone that I love, and putting up with it for even a shake of time. Start comparing and I start vanishing.


BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 892 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Walking
♀ Member
Member # 40102
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are not in true reconciliation, we are in not divorcing limbo, at least today.

my fears:
that my WH is settling for me, rather wanting to be with me. That financial issues are what is tying us together.

That ultimately our family will break up because he will never be remorseful and I will never forget.

I'll never feel like me again, I feel hollow.

[This message edited by Walking at 5:23 AM, August 10th (Saturday)]


Posts: 57 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Midwest
Flatlined123
♀ Member
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 5:32 AM, August 10th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stillhurt, you said it best.

I am afraid of looking back and realizing I lived my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. It may never happen, but he has set the stage for me to think that way.

Im afraid of living my life afraid.


Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 9-09, but I didn't feelTRUE R started until 12-09 when the fog really lifted due to a medical condition with me.
Every day gets a little better.

Posts: 582 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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