Fast forward to now, after I found out. I told him immediately that we needed to separate and this was essentially the last straw. Instead of doing something drastic like selling the house though, we decided to do a trial separation for six months while we both do IC and hopefully MC as well.
Much of what I have read on the forum so far are people staying together in the same house to work things out. Are any of you posting in this forum in a separation where you think things might change between you (I.e Get back together) or when you separated was it essentially final and just the step towards divorce?
He's had encounters with escorts? That's just the ones you've found out about. What HAVEN'T you found out about?
This guy, to me, does not sound like someone who wants to be married. Honestly, I think you need to protect yourself, get a lawyer, file some paperwork. He can do a lot of damage to you as your "husband" during this separation. Financial, emotional, you name it.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
We're no longer together.
Doing up sep papers doesn't mean you HAVE to get divorced...but severing finances is a smart transaction business wise.
When my XH and I split, it was for good. But at first I just needed time to figure out what to do. So, I threw him out, which he was happy about because he could screw his tramp. He went and stayed at his brothers, who lives an hour north of us. His job is 40 min south of us. He moved up there, and continued to use my gas card to gas up the car. Cost a fortune! Never mind whatever money he was spending! So, I told him to come back, into the spare bedroom while we sorted out the finances. I immediately started splitting expenses up, so he would have to look after his own crap, and not be able to put me into a hole. In house sep was hell, but I worked on the money. End of July/beginning of August, I had enough of him ignoring the kids and I, sitting in his room skyping with the trash, so I told him he couldn't even bring that whore into my house on the computer. He moved out by mid August, by Sept 2 the sep agreement was done, and I had the house in my name only.
I would have loved, at one point, if he could have gotten his head out of unicorn fart land and become my husband again. But if I had waited, I would have lost the house and everything else. Remember, as long as you are still married and don't cut the finances, it's all marital debt. He can run stuff up, and although you may be able to get some of it back if you can prove he spent it in the whore, most of it will be considered Mdebt.
So unless with the trial, you control all the money, and he's staying somewhere that won't cost you a fortune, I say be very careful you don't compound the problem.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.