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User Topic: Why be OP? Why engage in an A?
♂ Member
Member # 20647
Default  Posted: 3:24 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I can say is they are broken. Broken people look for broken ways to heal their brokeness. SO they cheat and for 5 minutes they forget about being broken and feel good

This is perfect, describes my WW and her OM's perfectly. Too lazy and addicted to do the work to heal so they stay broken and medicate their pain with illicit sex.

1Sa 22:23 (NIV) - "Stay with me; don't be afraid; the man who is seeking your life is seeking mine also. You will be safe with me."

Posts: 681 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: 2nd Place
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not at a point in my recovery that I can answer this with any sense of maturity.

Because she's an effing biatch who gets her feelings of self-worth from being able to entice a man's attention and affection away from his wife and family.

And because he has a self-serving ego who thinks the world should just cater to his every whim without any consideration of the amount of work it takes to grow a genuine relationship...or the deep level of pain caused by his actions.

That is all.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
♀ Member
Member # 29816
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH has mommy issues, which in turn made him selfish and strong overtures of entitlement, mixed in with a sick need for hero worship because really he had severe, well hidden insecurities.

^^^^^^This. Exactly. XH, or all for his bravado, is horribly insecure, and demands constant reassurance that he's awesome. Even when what he does is half assed at best most of the time, he wants to be told he's awesome. Now, I have very high standards, I'll even go so far as to say unrealistic sometimes. But I hold myself to that standard to stay competitive in the world. XH thinks that just his presence in a room should be applauded. So yeah, healthy dose of insecurity and narcissism, combined with my unwillingness to settle for what I consider half assed effort (and not being good at the ego stroke) created the perfect storm for OW to enter the picture.

He really sold her the goods too. Boo hoo, I'm an artist and my wife doesn't understand me, I'm so amazing, all I want is her to love me, nothing I ever do is good enough, I provide for her and its still not good enough, blah blah blah. The reality was 1) we made equal amounts of money throughout our entire marriage, 2) the house we live in is my SISTERS; I'm pretty sure he made it sound like his, 3) he's an alcoholic, not an artist.

Anyway, she bought it hook, line, ad sinker. And since she was a hs GF who hadn't "gotten over" the relationship (that's what she told me), and who was unemployed with no education, I'm sure my husband (the version of himself he showed her) looked like hitting the jackpot. She basically thought he'd leave me and DD, and she'd step into the bizarro version of my life that wasnt even close to reality. XH has since told me that she thought he was "taking her places."

He actually did have her come here where she lived with him and his roommate. From all accounts, it was an epic failure. He continued to go out and get hammered, smoked (in front of the baby, (yes she brought OC to live in a house with 3 guys who all about no standards). But she got what she deserved. When I found out she was here, I served him with papers restricting his visitation to basically nothing. I refused to have my DD around her, and he knew that (and luckily, he never took DD around her, I believe that much). Anyway, he used that as a catalyst to have her on the next plane, and that was that.

So, my belief is that AP's have their own motivations for getting involved, all of them self-serving. OW didnt give a shit that my husband already had a family that just might have something to say about him leaving us; she wanted my life, and decided to go for it. After I served XH with the custody papers, he said he was very upset. Her response was, well you've got us now. That is the level of delusion you're dealing with with an AP. yes, I think it's about them being broken, but more than that, I think it's selfishness and emotional immaturity. I want something, don't care who has to sacrifice to get it. It's a 6 year old's mentality where Santa and the tooth Fairy bring money and gifts. In the AP's world, even though a married man or woman is clearly a made up character, they don't care because they're getting the physical and emotional payoff.

[This message edited by webmistress at 10:24 AM, August 11th (Sunday)]

Me: BW-42
Ex-WH: 34
Married: 6 years
DDay #1: 10/5/10, one week before our daughters 4th birthday
D official 2/23/11
DDay#2: 10/20/12, after 8 months of false R
OW: Delusional, stupid whore; OC officially XH's
In R

Posts: 1355 | Registered: Oct 2010
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love all the books that tell us (BS's) not to try to analyze our WS's because it is very upsetting to them

Waa-Waa! A little discomfort over this is the LEAST that they deserve.

We are desperate to know WHY WHY WHY and at least my WH isn't very introspective. He would rather just be done with the whole "affair" topic of conversation. So naturally, I'm left with this same question. Why would you want to do this???

Posts: 631 | Registered: Sep 2012
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:41 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This thread brought to mind something my bro in laws ow said. My sisters ws was was a good looking arrogant cheater. His ow went after him with s vengeance, very bold, told ppl she was. Her very words were " my husband cheated on me and I was a faithful wife who treated him like a king. Being good got me nowhere, so I will fuck whoever I want and I don't care if he's married or not"
After the pain I've felt, I would NEVER inflict it on another so her reasoning really baffled me.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5171 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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