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Newest Member: whatdoido21 (45321)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Getting better - reconnection with past
Averyhurtgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a few more months until the divorce is finalized. Its been more than a year since DD and separation.

This summer I had the opportunity to reconnect with an old flame who I met before my BS. We reconnected at a friends wedding we were both at.
He lives in another state. I could tell that he was staring at me and looking at me off an on. He also told a friend that he was really upset that my husband cheated on me. We had a chance to talk and we talked for several hours about life and random stuff. It seemed like the conversation was going well. He gave me a book to read as well.

He is such an easy going person to talk to and we have a lot in common. He is a really caring guy towards his family and I really like his humor.

He told me to email him if I have any questions. He also said that he may email me about my career etc. He did mention that he does not like email and prefers to just talk to people in person or on phone.

However, when I came back home, I emailed him after one week. I emailed him about the book. I could see that he opened the email one week after I sent it. However, it's been one months since I sent the email and still no reply. I could see that he has been on face book since then because he added new friends.

His friend asked me if I was interested in him. I asked his friend what he thought of me. And he said that he told him that he's in grauduate school and I am going through a divorce so he's not sure how it would all work out. I told the friend that I am not ready to have a conversation about marriage since I am not divorced yet and that I still have to see if any guy would be a good father for my son.

I am wondering if he is even interested in me now. He seemed interested in me but then I did not hear back from him once I left the state. Also, I know he is in graduate school and busy. I am not sure if he found someone etc.

I also said wrong things when I saw him; I told him that I wanted to figure myself out before I commit to someone. I said I want to live live right now, travel, etc before i get into a committed relationship. But the that wasnt the complete truth. I was just trying to play hard to get and show that I am confident. I dont know if this worked against me.

I also want to wait until the divorce is finalized before I get serious with someone. But it's killing me because I do like this person and I do not know if hes interested, I got mixed messages so far. Should i assume he isnt interested.


Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you would be wise to pursue the path of working on you before adding dating into the mix. I also think vetting people as potential step parents to your son is putting the cart before the horse. Why not take the time to heal, travel and so on?

As far as this guy is concerned, he is not interested. It doesn't matter why, he is just not. Move on with your life, heal and grow. Investing in yourself always pays off.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29659 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Cat said and:

I also said wrong things when I saw him; I told him that I wanted to figure myself out before I commit to someone. I said I want to live live right now, travel, etc before i get into a committed relationship. But the that wasnt the complete truth. I was just trying to play hard to get and show that I am confident. I dont know if this worked against me.

Fwiw, even before I was ready to date when asked the questions that would lead to answer like you gave here, my stock answer was "I loved being married. I liked being a wife and enjoyed every aspect that being a wife entailed. I hope to have the opportunity to marry again in the future. I am clear that it wasn't marriage that was wrong for me but that rather I disastrously made the wrong choice. I am clear that there's nothing wrong with men, but rather the man I married was (insert your fave insult here). " Or some variation of this.

It's important to be true to yourself. If you do want to be married again, no harm in saying so. And like Cat said, if you work on yourself, and filling your life with things you enjoy, you'll be in a situation where a potential suitor will have to make an effort to date you but not because you're game playing but rather because you have a life.

(((averyhurtgirl)))


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3119 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
Averyhurtgirl
♀ New Member
Member # 37762
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your responses. I feel like I have worked on myself a good deal and am continuing to work on myself. Have been in intensive therapy and working on all aspects of my life.

I really like the response that cat woman gave to tell guys, it really describes my thoughts perfectly:

"I really enjoyed marriage, there are many things I miss about being married, I liked being a wife, having a companion to be emotionally and physically intimate with. Its the most intimate relationship one can have. Yes, he wasnt he right guy for me but someday when I do get married to the right guy I know things will be worth it."

I want to hear from guys, why would a guy seem like he is interested, express his interest when she emails him he does not respond back. He did not say he was interested to me but seemed interested. Btw, I had hurt his guy once when I married my BS and left him hanging. I got pressured into marrying my BS.

Would he be that busy with graduate school that he couldn't even respond? I wonder if he would respond once his finals are over and he comes back home this month. And even if he does email or respond, I am not sure I want to talk to someone who did not care to respond to my email for a month.


Posts: 49 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Oregan
Topic Posts: 4

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