Fast forward to today and we've been having problems since I found out he'd been sleeping with a coworker a few months ago. He'd cut off all contact from her; but after we'd gone on vacation, I saw on his phone that he had an email from her. I opened his phone and saw many emails dating back over a month. He's started talking to her again.
To add way more insult to injury, he left me here...Still on vacation...And said he needed alone time to think about what he wants for his life and everything. I agreed, knowing I needed time alone, too. I made him promise me that he was definitely going to be alone and not with her. Not sure why I even bothered to do that, because guess where he is??
So here I am, on the opposite coast from where he is. Alone. I've never felt so stupid in my life. He texted me this morning saying he misses me. I told him I know where he is and this is the last time he will ever hurt me like this.
I was willing to forgive him of everything he's done; I really do love him that much. ..But I can't tolerate the lies and deceit. We were best friends, told each other everything...And he does this to me.
I hate that I found this site, but I'm thankful that it's here so I have someone to talk to. I don't know what I want to do as far as my marriage goes, but I know that I don't want to talk to him or see his face for the foreseeable future. Words can't express the pain I'm in...
I found it really helpful to talk to some friends about what was happening to me. It helps so much to have someone on your side, that will help you through this. That could be a friend, family member, a counselor, a pastor.
In the meantime, take care of yourself physically. You need to do that so you can make rational decisions for yourself - at least as rational as possible in this situation. ((atoz))
I don't know anything more about your situation than what you've written here. I don't know if you have children, a job/career, a strong support system or if you will ever come to grips with the idea that you can love someone with all your heart but that does not mean they will love you enough to stop hurting you.
Forgiveness is a wonderful gift but you have to decide if giving it is worth what it will cost you, especially knowing that forgiving him in the past seems not to have stopped the behavior but perhaps instead reinforced it.
I do know that you must, must, must think of yourself first. There is no one that will look after your interests more successfully and consistently than you will. You have to take a good look at yourself, your husband and your relationship and decide if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life. You are his WIFE and he has left you on your vacation to be with another woman. Seriously, what kind of person does that?
Again, I am so, so, sorry that you have found yourself here but it's a good place to be when you're in this situation. Lots of wisdom, support, encouragement and care and concern. Take advantage of it. There's lots of good reading material, lots of opinions/advice about the issues that loom large once infidelity has become a part of your life. But most of all there is hope and stories of people who have had their hearts and lives stomped on in the worst way possible and were able to come out on the other side, happier, healthier and feeling very positive about themselves and their lives. You can be one of those people. Truly, you can.
[This message edited by meaniemouse at 8:19 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]
I understand what you are going through.
Take care of yourself, and just focus on breathing and getting through the tough moments.
Check out our healing library in the yellow box in the upper left corner of the page. There's lots of information about the physical and emotional fallout of all of this. Considering this isn't your first rodeo, it would be good for you to look into how to break free from this toxic relationship until he expresses true remorse and real work to change his ways.
Most importantly, know that you're going to be ok. This isn't your fault, and you don't have to stay if you don't want to.
We're here for you.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
A bit more background: we have no children and we're in our 30s.
you don't have to make any decisions about your life today, tomorrow or even next week, or month.. take this time to figure out what YOU want out of life.. think of YOU.. take care of YOU.. do things that make you feel good even when it seems impossible.
I couldn't have said it any better.
You will find lots of support here. Hang in there...