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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trigger when things go well
wanttofeelwhole
♀ Member
Member # 31830
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had a fabulous weekend but I find I trigger terribly when I begin to feel "safe". When there's tension I feel as though no matter what ill be fine. But when I feel things are going really well I'm waiting for the axe to fall. I have never been a pessimist. Now I feel nervous when things are good. Anyone else feel this way or have advice?


Sorry I don't edit the typos
Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.-Unknown
For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.-Bo Bennett
Memory is a complicated thing, a rel

Posts: 786 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Sliding down the backside of the rainbow
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you aren't letting yourself enjoy the good times. I do that.

Reminds mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SPugT-rJzUe of Merle


Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

that didn't work.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SPugT-rJzU

Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
Teach8
♀ Member
Member # 36521
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely do this too. Its fear for me. Afraid even after this long I might find something new, afraid if I let myself be happy he might hurt me again. I'm trying to just stay present in the moment and I tell my wh when it happens. I guess we can't help but try to protect ourselves from this pain again...and of course, if we aren't really happy then we aren't risking anything. That's why you feel ok when things are tense...nothing is on the line, there is nothing to lose. Try to stay in that moment of happiness and let yourself feel it...the longer you let those feelings of happiness stay...maybe you will start to feel safe feeling that way. Jeez...I don't know if I made any sense right now...but I knew what I wanted to say. :)


Me: BW. Him: WH. Dday: 4/26/12. TT until 8/15/12 LTA 7 years. Trying to R

Posts: 509 | Registered: Aug 2012
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I triggered for the 1st time last night...after 2 glorious days of family time, memories, smiling, random act of affection.

I'm guarded. I know there's more to come...just like I've "known" all this time that something was going on...


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's totally me. When things are going well, I remember how happy I was before, and how deceived I was. I don't trust the 'happy'... I am waiting for him to drop another bomb on me. My body physically feels it. I am afraid to be happy, because it means that he can hurt me again.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 3:44 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get that too, I think part of it is the fear of being vulnerable. When I am pissed and angry I feel a sort power and control, when I am happy and have tender feelings towards fWH then I feel vulnerable... leads to triggering and then I get angry again and feel more in control... an endless stupid cycle...


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 987 | Registered: Oct 2012
wanttofeelwhole
♀ Member
Member # 31830
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone. It's strange, he works harder than ever to prove he's the man I once believed in. He knew I was very ready to leave. I guess subconsciously I was doing a 180. I won't argue or change anymore. It either works or it doesn't. It worked very well this weekend. It was a little scary.


Sorry I don't edit the typos
Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.-Unknown
For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.-Bo Bennett
Memory is a complicated thing, a rel

Posts: 786 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Sliding down the backside of the rainbow
Topic Posts: 8

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