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User Topic: Want to forgive and try, but I don't know if R is possible
Sunwoo22
♂ New Member
Member # 40278
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So d-day was this past Friday, and I confronted her about it as she was getting ready to head out. She tried to play it off like I was paranoid, but I had some proof (she signed up for two hookup sites, made a Google voice number, and I actually heard a voicemail from the guy she was going to see that night). I didn't bust out specifics, but let her go, stupidly hoping that she might actually go to that mom's night out meeting that she said she was going to. What tipped me off in the first place was whe n she told me she needed to get something from the car, and after being gone for a long time, I saw her talking on the phone. When she came in, I asked her who she was talking to, and she mumbled something about the location of the mom's group meeting changing. Then I noticed she hadn't gotten anything back from the car. Women I asked her about that, She really started stumbling. It was pretty obvious, so I started snooping around to see what was up on email and stuff. I found registration for two affair sites, and searches about affairs and whether or not they're healthy for a relationship. I saw searches for an airport hotel, and I even heard the voicemail for the OM about whether or not things were going to go ahead. Later that night, I tried texting her to see when she was coming back, but didn't get anything until she was on her way back home. I'd used the gps on her phone to confirm where she was, and lo and behold she was at the hotel.
The next morning, I tried to talk to her about it, but she brushed it off like before. She did however tell me that even if she did what I said she did, it was because I had never done the things she had asked me to do in the past.
Okay, a bit of backstory here, I'm not a good husband. I'm a bit lazy and not the most emotional. My wife's asked me repeatedly to spend more time with her, and that I need to fulfill her emotional needs better. In the past, I wrote it off as her needing more time with girlfriends. She doesn't really have that many to speak of. Within the past few years, she's threatened divorce over my shortcomings, and I've tried shaping up, but I have a problem with following through. I'd be a better husband for a few weeks, maybe a few months, but eventually lapse back into a dispassionate husband. We've got two kids, one 5 and the other almost 2, so the chances to be better in the passion department are a bit slim. Lately though, I'd thought we had hit a smooth patch, less fighting, less sniping about each other about mistakes, etc.
So Saturday evening, I tried to talk to her about it again, still got more denials, and some gaslighting, but when I started listing off some of the specifics, she said she didn't want to talk about it. I tried to talk to her about making some lasting change on my part but she said (and in hindsight rightfully so) that he'd heard it before and she didn't think I would make the changes last. That evening I spent time trying to snuggle with her, albeit awkwardly, since she wasn't really ask that interested in it. The next morning, things are somewhat normal, so I talk to her and let her know about how much I know and how I knew it. She starts crying, so I hold her and tell her I know why she did what she did, and I don't want to lose her. I apologize for the way I've been and I tell her that I WILL change, that I know what she's wanted, and that I'll do what it takes to make it right. Reading the posts here give me hope that we can make things work for R, so for me, this is the final stand on my side to fix things. She won't come out and fully disclose what went down, and she's put a password on her phone since Friday before she left. She doesn't seem open to doing a NC call or email. Basically at this point she says she needs to see change and she needs time to think about things before she can talk to me about it. I've told her I want to know if I go through with what she wants and she gets a better husband, I want to know that it's going to be over with OM. She won't commit to that, and she won't let me see her emails or chat messages. I'm wondering if I'm pressing her too hard, but I worry if that week of giving her time will give her time to cover her tracks and lawyer up. Something that bothers me about this week is when I saw the search history and emails, she was looking up real estate listings and talking to a realtor about buying property for roughly the amount that we have in savings. Should I be freaking out about this, or is it just coincidence?
I know nothing will ever be the same, but I still love my wife and I want there to be stability with the kids. Do you guys think R is possible at this point, or should I start getting used to the reality of a long hard divorce?

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
toomanyregrets
♂ Member
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you had to join us.

No matter what you've done or not done, your WW cheating on you is wrong. You may be to blame for problems in your M, but her A is NOT your fault.
You don't fix a M by cheating. It only makes thing worse. From now on whenever your WW goes out, you'll always be wondering if it's to meet the OM or maybe someone else. Your trust in her is gone.
You need to get a lawyer and find out your rights in case she does use your joint savings to set up her own place.

[This message edited by toomanyregrets at 7:40 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 485 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First thing you need to do is gather up all your financial papers and get to a lawyer. You don't need to file - you just need information on what you can do to protect yourself before she takes you to the cleaners. You already know she's making plans. If it were me, I would take half the money in savings and put it in an account with only your name. You can always move it back later if things change.

The affair is not your fault. So she was unhappy in the marriage - how is an affair supposed to help things? She is rationalizing her immoral behavior and blameshifting. It's all your fault that she's off screwing other men?!?! Fuck that noise.

Please read in the Healing Library and scroll down through the pages of Just Found Out to read about the 180. You need to concentrate on protecting yourself and your kids because she is only thinking about herself.

You will never be able to "nice" her back into the marriage. If you do some more reading here, you will find that it never works. She's manipulating you like crazy to keep you trying to please her while she is out fucking other men. That is called cake-eating. Think about how that makes you feel. You deserve better. Close the bakery.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5329 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Sunwoo22,

Most important thing, her affair is not about you, or what you did or did not do. It is about her trying to meet some internal need in the worst possible way.

The short answer to your question is that R is not possible at this point. That does not mean the alternative is D, only that R is not possible as things currently exist.

She won't come out and fully disclose ...snip...she's put a password on her phone ...snip... doesn't seem open to doing a NC call...

You cannot R alone, it takes two. She is not interested in R if she wants to keep her privacy and contact with the OM.

...she says she needs to see change and she needs time to think about things before she can talk.

This is just ploy to keep her options open and avoid facing her mess.

She has you taking responsibility for her advertising for friendship with men, and then meeting to fuck. None of that was your doing. You did not place the advertisements. You did not hide flirting conversations and planning from your spouse. You did not go to a hotel to have sex with an OP. She did.

It is fine for you to own your part of the problem in the M, but be clear that HER A is not your issue. It is hers. You may have failed in doing your part to keep the fires of romance and friendship alive in your M, but she threw a grenade into your relationship and is blaming you for being injured.

Keep reading and posting here on SI. It really does help. Look at the healing library (yellow box upper left of screen). The books Not Just Friends by Glass and Sexual Detours by Hines are good explanations of the A dynamic and how to recover from an A.

Should I be freaking out about this, or is it just coincidence?

You W left the M and is not expressing an interest in returning. She made her decision. You cannot make her act or believe the way you want. All that you can do is watch out and take care of yourself and your children. It would be good to talk with an attorney or two to understand what your rights are and how separation and divorce would work if it comes to that. Do what you can to secure your financial resources. The attorney can advise you, it is common advice on SI to put half of the joint money somewhere safe. Consider making an appointment with an individual counselor (IC) for support it working through your emotions and goal clarification about your M as you work through this.

There is nothing that you can do to fix your M at this point.

All that you can do is take steps to protect yourself and your children. Work on healing yourself from the huge injury your WW has inflicted on you emotionally. Keep eating and drinking water, watch the alcohol intake. Exercise is a better way to work off anger and frustrations. Consider coming to visit the Betrayed Men thread in the I Can Relate forum.


LTA FBS 54
dday 10.5.09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4140 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
womaninflux
♀ Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, recognize that nothing your did/did not do is responsible for her decision to cheat. Yes, it may have been a factor in the marital environment, but you were there, too, and did not cheat. People should not turn outside of the relationship to solve problems within the relationship. Period.

Second, I agree you should consult with an attorney.

Lastly, it's too raw for both of you right now to make a decision one way or another about R. If you want to change, change for yourself, not as a last ditch effort to right the marriage ship. If you don't recognize some of the reasons why you were emotionally distant, etc. in this marriage, you will carry it over to your next relationship. It's just that simple.

You need to work on your own stuff vs. being dependent on what is going on with her, what she is thinking, etc. It can't be an "If/Then" equation if it's going to work. That is part of the 180 as well.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
happyman64
♂ Member
Member # 33212
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunwoo

You should ask yourself if your wife took your nuts out with her when she went to see the OM.

You cannot nice someone back into a marriage.

While you might be responsible for a part of the marriage filing you are not responsible for your wife turning to hookups with strangers to console herself.

She needs help. You need help.

But nicing her back wont help.

What you should do is file for D. It shows her you mean what you say. That you will not be married to her and share with another man.

At the same time if you know you have been lacking then get professional help to improve yourself for you. Not her.

Now move in the right direction and read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy".

It will open your eyes.

HM


Posts: 906 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: New York
kansas1968
♀ Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen to all of these wise folks who are posting you. No matter what kind of a husband you are or were, there is absolutely no excuse for cheating. Tattoo that on your arm if you need to, to remember it. NO EXCUSE.
She had other options. She could have filed for divorce and should have done so before she even thought about starting a relationship. She is in the fog right now, so nothing you can do will talk her out of it.
Start the 180, see an attorney, and let her know you did so. Tell her you know there were problems, but that marriages don't include three people so you are stepping aside.
That is all you can do at this point.
A divorce may result, but if there is any love left in her for you, it may shake her enought to turn around and want to work on the marriage.
So, so, sorry. It is the worst pain, but you can get through it.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1320 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
mandan66
♂ Member
Member # 40075
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunwoo,
I'll chime in with what all others are saying; its all spot on. Your scenario is all too common, sadly. So, TODAY, you need to start getting the ducks in a row, and without telling her, or telling anyone who might let her know.
You are too early in this process to start thinking about reconciliation, much less forgiveness. That can come later, if its meant to be. First things first: your kids and yourself.
You have friends here, and we are here for you. As many of us can attest to, you will survive this, as crazy and scary as it seems right now. Hang in there. Attorney, 180, and No Nice Guy. Live it! It works.


Me: 47; WW: 48
2 DS: 9, 14
M:18--T:19
DDay: Jan/13
Divorced and Done!--7/13

Posts: 121 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: KS
Sunwoo22
♂ New Member
Member # 40278
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, based off of the responses I'm seeing from you guys, I think I should add a few points to the situation. She has asked me repeatedly to improve my relationship with her and it has escalated from some cold nights, to fighting and probably within the past few times she has talked very seriously about marriage counseling and divorce. It may be defending her, but I need to stress that she was asking me and begging me to be a better partner. In hindsight, the escalation was steady and I brushed it off. The thing that makes me think that the realtor emails may be a coincidence is that before she registered with the affair sites, we did talk to a financial advisor about what to do with some money we had received from some family business. By no means am I saying that she's a saint. I have no rose colored glasses on about what may or may not have taken place that night. For all I'm concerned, it was amazing for her.
She's not the most tech savvy, so I'm hoping that the registration may have been the first point in her going W. On her way out, I did look into her eyes and asked her not to do this. She just replied "what are you talking about, I'm going out". I'm hoping that this may have helped give her a moment of pause and some guilt to slow momentum of the fog. Something that makes me think that R could be possible is that last night, I tried to be the better husband and do the things she wanted, and from asking her about how I was doing, she said it was what she wanted. Maybe this is forward progress, I don't know. I believe this is change for both of us, since she's wanted it, and objectively the attention and romance is something that most marriages should have. But I am working on getting a MC this week.
Would it change your collective opinions if she did give me full access to her email and chat stuff? If she closed out her accounts too? I figure that I could press for that in a few days or so, to grant her the time she asked for, all the meanwhile being a better husband. If that hypothetically happens, does it change the dynamic of what's going to be? I guess the prudent thing would to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, but my heart and gut tell me to try and stick it out.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
Sunwoo22
♂ New Member
Member # 40278
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, based off of the responses I'm seeing from you guys, I think I should add a few points to the situation. She has asked me repeatedly to improve my relationship with her and it has escalated from some cold nights, to fighting and probably within the past few times she has talked very seriously about marriage counseling and divorce. It may be defending her, but I need to stress that she was asking me and begging me to be a better partner. In hindsight, the escalation was steady and I brushed it off. The thing that makes me think that the realtor emails may be a coincidence is that before she registered with the affair sites, we did talk to a financial advisor about what to do with some money we had received from some family business. By no means am I saying that she's a saint. I have no rose colored glasses on about what may or may not have taken place that night. For all I'm concerned, it was amazing for her.
She's not the most tech savvy, so I'm hoping that the registration may have been the first point in her going W. On her way out, I did look into her eyes and asked her not to do this. She just replied "what are you talking about, I'm going out". I'm hoping that this may have helped give her a moment of pause and some guilt to slow momentum of the fog. Something that makes me think that R could be possible is that last night, I tried to be the better husband and do the things she wanted, and from asking her about how I was doing, she said it was what she wanted. Maybe this is forward progress, I don't know. I believe this is change for both of us, since she's wanted it, and objectively the attention and romance is something that most marriages should have. But I am working on getting a MC this week.
Would it change your collective opinions if she did give me full access to her email and chat stuff? If she closed out her accounts too? I figure that I could press for that in a few days or so, to grant her the time she asked for, all the meanwhile being a better husband. If that hypothetically happens, does it change the dynamic of what's going to be? I guess the prudent thing would to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, but my heart and gut tell me to try and stick it out.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sunwoo22,

I appreciate your ownership of your issues in the M. The problem for you and your WW is that no matter how "nice" a husband you become now, you will be competing with a new love with all the head over heels, cotten candy and unicorn feelings. She will be comparing how she feels with you, with all the baggage of the relationship and the negatives that she has focused on, compared to her feelings with OM where he says what she wants to hear, there is no baggage, and she sees in him what she wants to see.

Either she knows OM well, has developed feelings for him, or she does not know OM well, but projects on to him her ideal man. Either way, she has sealed the deal with him, and has an invested interest in proving she was justified in having sex with another man while married.

I re-read my original post and would not change any advice. The only difference I might make down the road is if she sends a NC letter you approve (see healing library for suggestions), and becomes transparent as you describe giving you passwords, access to accounts, etc. then going straight to MC as opposed to IC for both first may work in your situation.

She says she needs to see change, byut your need to see change is more immeadiate. She needs to quit flirting, chatting, and having sex with OM before work can occur on the M. If she maintains you need to change, then she will consider dropping OM, you might as well start towards D.

Remember, D takes a long time even when people try to rush it. Nothing says that you cannot stop D proceedings if she does a 180 and decides to work with you on the M.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 4:28 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


LTA FBS 54
dday 10.5.09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4140 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
MediumRare
♂ Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude... I don't know how to put this, but you're really going the WRONG direction and setting yourself up for more heartbreak, sorrow and likely a lot of itchy rashes and open sores while you're forced to eat shit sandwiches.

Please stop and try to look at things rationally- because while being a husband and father focused on work and the kids, you didn't stop by Hallmark to buy her a card enough times per month for her standards, so she gets to go jump on some other guy's dick and lie about it to you and her family...

Please.. PLEASE read this as many times as necessary for it to sink in. There is never ANY excuse for cheating. And her deception, lies and now trying to tell you that her sucking some other man's DICK while wearing YOUR WEDDING RING is going to continue until the hard working Dad (i.e. you) works his ass off even more to be "Perfect Husband V2.0" before she can consider NC and R??????!?!?!

Dude- plastic bag treatment. Kick the CHEATING WHORE (sorry man, that is what she is right now FUCKING other men in hotels while MARRIED to you) to the road, head straight to a lawyer, FILE for divorce (even if you don't plan to, this will show you mean BUSINESS), protect the kids, and blow this affair up to the open if she doesn't immediately dump this guy and go NC + R.

You can't "love" her back into the relationship. In fact, if you try you'll only lose more of your marriage than you have already.

Good luck!


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 721 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
HurtsBad
♂ Member
Member # 20687
Content  Posted: 5:13 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is so hard to read your post. I was you, five years ago.

When I found out and confronted, she asked for a few days to think over things. After a few days, she listed several of my flaws and said she wanted D.

Over the next several weeks, I worked hard to make the changes she'd talked about. I thought things were much better. We did things together (non physical things, anyway), and I enjoyed being with her more than I had in a long time.

But then I asked her if she was still seeing OM. Her answer, or rather, non-answer, devastated me. I can't say she lied, because in all those weeks, I hadn't asked.

It took me over a year to figure out that she wasn't coming back. D was final two years after D day.

Please listen to what everyone is saying. You can't nice her back. I sincerely hope that someday you can R--that was my most earnest desire--but it must be BOTH of you.

Also know that, however it turns out, it DOES get better.


Good judgment comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgment.

Posts: 605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: the best place in the Whole Wide World!
brainless twit
♀ Member
Member # 12085
Default  Posted: 1:30 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm posting as a BS who tried to R both before and since getting divorced.

After the first A, I tried like mad to be everything he said I wasn't. I owned my flaws and mistakes and worked my butt off to correct them. I became this fake, Martha Stewart wannabe version of myself because I thought it would change things.

If you've read very many posts here at all, you probably know what happened. He continued seeing the OW. He lied over and over. He destroyed my self-esteem and it still hasn't recovered. I have no respect for myself, especially for giving him another chance after that A ended, only to find myself back in this exact situation.

Don't end up where I am. Do not do all the work to change yourself when she is entrenched in her behavior and isn't doing anything to fix her own issues. It's hard to look back and see all your attempts to be better and do better, all for nothing. I'm with everyone else here - there isn't room for 3 people in a marriage. Period.


"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

D-Day 8/7/06
Divorced 12/14/09
R Began 5/21/11
D-Day #2 7/9/13 (OW #2 is OW #1's first cousin)
Limbo? I don't even know if that's what this is.


Posts: 1541 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Kentucky
Sunwoo22
♂ New Member
Member # 40278
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, January 7th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a long time since I was here, but I figured I'd give an update on where things were. First, I want to apologize to all of you posting since my heart didn't want me to do the things all of you suggested. I have a stupid flaw in myself that wants me to give an offender every chance to turn it around. Since last August, I've been on an emotional blitz, some days feeling like things may actually work out and someday have the possibility to be a whole family again, but there are other times when I snoop and find out stuff I already knew in my gut, then I hit some really deep lows. I'd be lying if I didn't say suicide wasn't on my mind at some point every day of my life now.
So to recap, I convinced her to do NC with the original guy, after finding out multiple times that she was still texting and messaging him. We did some IC and MC, and I did get the feeling that she's lost and doesn't know what she wants anymore. I'm guessing that this is the fog. She kept telling me that she was sorry for hurting me and that if I'd just let her go it'd all stop. I was so afraid of losing her and the marriage. I'm still afraid of what all of this will mean for the kids. I was the poster child for how not to do the 180. I'd threaten to hurt myself if she didn't wake up and fix things, and there were more than a few times where I'd have a knife by my neck, or I'd be seconds away from crashing my car, when I'd see an image in my head of my son bawling his eyes out when he understands what happened to dad. This was the only thing that brought me back from the edge. I mistakenly thought this worked because she said that she'd stay in the marriage to prevent me from hurting myself. I never really gave any thought as to what this really meant, I was just happy that she wasn't saying that she was going to divorce me anymore. I tried to improve myself and really give IC a good shot, but she was still distant. In November, I found out that she made an OKCupid profile, and a broke down again. This time I tried to be more composed about it, and asked her to stop the self destructive behavior and kill the account. Believe it or not, she actually did. I verified it with a fake account. This December, we went on a trip to Hong Kong to visit her family, and I figured that this would be a great opportunity to show a better side of me, and since we were out of the country, it'd give her space from the emotional affairs. Well, as much as I tried, nothing I did was even close to making her happy. I should have seen the signs, but I just tried keeping on and being a better husband and father while I was over there. When we got back to the states, I caught her emailing some guy and just about had a breakdown in the Chicago airport. When we finally got home, I confronted her about the email and she admitted that it was some guy she met on OKCupid. Yeah, she shut down the account, but still kept in contact with those scumbags.
We just recently separated, and I'm living with my brother. She's got the kids at my home and I come by to help put them to bed and take them to the babysitter's in the morning. My brother's trying to keep me on the 180. Right after D-Day, I believed her in thinking that I brought her to the affair. I thought that I was going to do everything to work at the marriage and with enough effort, bring her back to seeing what was right about us. It took a lot of convincing, but my friends and family have me seeing that she's abusing me and not facing the realities of what she's doing to herself and everyone around her. Some of my friends who insisted that I stick to the marriage because of their religious perspective have started telling me that I need to get away from her because if I keep at it, I won't be able to take much more and may actually hurt myself. I thought that if I worked at it hard enough, I'd win her back. Hell, I'd still give my right arm to get my solid marriage back. It's taken tons of pain and gallons of tears, but I can only meet her halfway. If she's not willing to stop running away and come to the middle, nothing's going to work. I know she may never come back, and she may never know how much she destroyed in her quest to "find herself", but the act of carrying on with life for my kids is so fucking hard since she's always going to be in their lives. I find myself wishing that the kids would suddenly stop existing, so I could break away from her scott free. I still find myself hoping from time to time that I would get run over by a car or something so that I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt of hurting my kids and putting more burden on my family.
Right now I'm working on not breaking down in tears every time I'm alone, and it's hard. All I have to keep me going these days is knowing how hurt they'll be if I off myself and the fear that if I let my wife raise my kids, they're going to learn the behavior that she displays day in and day out. No one should have to feel that kind of rejection and constant pain. No one.
I'm probably going to get a consultation with a lawyer this week about what to legally do from here on out. I'm guessing dissolution is probably the cheapest solution out there, but I've lost the will to fight her anymore. I guess that's what I get for not doing the right thing in the beginning. I've used my all my energy and sanity grasping for something that I never really could hold on to. The sad thing is that even though my heart wants her back, I don't know if I can ever trust her enough to let her back in. A lot of smarter people are telling me that I'll be stronger after the dust settles from all of this. I see it a different way, after all of the pain and abuse, I don't think I'll be stronger, just more calloused.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 15

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