Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: Greg (45364)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Do it and apologize later
♂ New Member
Member # 39545
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I divorced my wife several months after my dday and I believe I did the right thing because of my dad.

'Do it and apologize later' was my dads way of life. At least once a year he would get caught somehow, spend a week on the couch, get the silent treatment from my mom and then voilą ! like magic all would be forgiven and The Little House on the Prairie would be back to normal. I'm sure my mom did it for the kids, but how much was that hurting her ?

When I found out my wife had an affair, it was the cruelest painful thing anyone could have done to me, and I don't know how my mom put up with a lifetime of those experiences. And I wasn't about to find out. Maybe the next woman I give my heart to won't take that responsibility so casually. I can only hope.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Florida
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So all you women, back off. I know his words could sway you, but he's taken. Can you believe this prized, gift to all women, golden, super husband is all mine? Yep, yay for me?

Yes, I keep thinking "sorry ladies, he's taken!". This was a joke in our marriage for many years.
I have so many follow up comments I could make on this post, but it's not even necessary because we're all thinking the same things. I suspect we would all be great friends IRL.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller

Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40209
DOH!  Posted: 4:41 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do all WH have the same handbook of replies? If it meant nothing why did you lie about it? If it meant nothing why did you do it over and over? If she meant nothing why text and call her all day and everyday from 7am to 11pm? "We are just friends?""We just did it once?" on and on and on

Posts: 67 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: CA
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Makes me sick. Just makes me sick. Almost everything posted applies to me as well. And.... I have a few to add. Don't we all????

[This message edited by StillLivin at 6:10 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
♀ Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do have to say that the replies for this topic made me tear up, swear, smile, and even laugh, so thank you.

We are not alone. We are beautiful/handsome, strong, and hilarious people!

We can do this. We will do this.

Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 492 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes they are surely all delusional.

the line I've gotten is "she was a convenience"

WTF? what does that even effing mean??

he broke our relationship into a million pieces because it was convenient she fell onto his penis multiple times?

its just incredible what type of crap falls out of their mouths. I should have a VAR somewhere nearby to record him every time he speaks; he'll surely deny ever having said that. but I wrote it down verbatim in my journal the day he said that line to me because I was speechless.

Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
♀ Member
Member # 32122
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The title of this thread instantly made
Me think of the saying

"it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is for permission".

I often wonder what makes my wh want to be with me now. He had many other "test drives" so to speak...why settle back to the old model when he had all the new ones...

Posts: 3120 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Canada
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because lesson #1 in all of this is that I am completely disposable and completely replaceable.

Yep, that is what his actions said to me.

Every time he says she didn't mean anything, that it meant nothing to him, I die a little inside.

How can they not see they are saying We meant less than nothing to them...

The alternative? That they did this to us because We meant less to them than she did.

And it all boils down to the fact that he didn't care what it would do to me.

Now he has a wife that doesn't love him like I used to love him, doesn't trust him, and will never forgive him. I hope his little secret sexual ecapade was worth it to him.

Hope it was worth it, because I will NEVER feel the same way about him.

I don't choose to destroy my own life further. It is going to hurt either way - it might as well hurt with him here, I guess.

^^^This is basically why I am staying--to keep the family together, with the least hardship to all involved.

Sometimes I want to kick him out, just so he can spend the rest of his life knowing that he had everything, and that he threw it away. That he trashed his life, my life, his children's lives. I want him to FEEL that inside, like a physical pain, the way I feel it inside.

2 yrs 3 mos out, & it is my first thought when I wake up every morning.

It is hard that all the onus is now on us. We are the ones that are supposed to forgive, we are the ones that are supposed to figure out a way to move forward, we are the ones that have to "pretend" life is grand in front of our kids. It does suck. We didn't choose this, but now we bear the weight.

But, the alternative also sucks. There really are no good choices.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:22 PM, August 12th (Monday)]

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.