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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He called for auth on MC
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He told me today that he is waiting on auth from ins for us to start MC.

I guess this is a start in right direction.

I'm nervous about MC. I know I need to be honest and so does he and sometimes it is just so brutal to hear some things.

How do you just listen and hear what is being said w/out getting upset/pissed?

We haven't even started MC yet and I'm worrying about this already.

UGH


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you just listen and hear what is being said w/out getting upset/pissed?
You listen to what's being said but you shouldn't have to hold back your feelings!

You're going to get upset and/or pissed. That's okay! You have to feel it to heal it.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37751 | Registered: Sep 2007
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC functions as a safe place to say things you wouldn't say on your couch at home. It can be painful and uncomfortable, and we always left feeling worse than we did when we arrived. Like physical therapy - it hurts and you limp out but you are further along in your healing for having gone. I used to take a Xanax before we went. Good luck, and remember that getting upset is Ok and expected. And a couple times I got really, really pissed, and that was ok too. The drive home can be tense too.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 638 | Registered: May 2013
Lostinthismess
♀ Member
Member # 39210
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our marriage counseling sessions have been the opposite for us. We usually leave on good terms, laughing and more relaxed. It's when it's been more than a week because of fwh's work schedule that everything goes to shit. The first month for us seemed more of a get to know you and where the marriage stands type deal. That's with individual sessions for both of us in the mix. Just be honest. Say what your thinking and work through it out loud with someone who can help you. We went through three mc's before we found one we thought was worth continuing with. So if you don't think they're any good don't be discouraged. Try someone else.

[This message edited by Lostinthismess at 10:36 PM, August 11th (Sunday)]


Dday- 4/4/13
fwh- harrypotter
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'

Posts: 330 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Ca
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What AN said.

Also, in the end, the truth hurts a lot less than lies - but you know that, I think.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10166 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
sparklezombie
♀ Member
Member # 40095
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely say what's on your mind and don't hold back. But also start to practice at home the things you talk about.


BS: Me
WH: Husband
One daughter - 22 months
Married 11.5 years
2.5 false R's.
Status: Divorcing.
You can't pick up a turd by the clean end. Time to flush the toilet.

Posts: 251 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard
heathenchristian
♀ Member
Member # 40060
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for the advice. Our 1st session is in 2wks. A little nervous.

I've been reading some self help books and there's bit of information that I feel like we may not make it.

Then on the other hand other stuff makes me think we can.

So damn confused.


If you don't want me at my worst, maybe I won't need you at my best.
DDAY 1 - not sure but it was July, Aug or Sept 2010 (supposed bj from hooker)
DDAY 2 - 7-22-2013 she was the made up hooker

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: IL
Topic Posts: 7

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