Okay, so we are not doing very well at all. Tensions are high...my wife is as quick to anger...almost to the point of rage as quickly as I am.
To date, I can't say I have seen real remorse. We have the book How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair...partially applied by my wife. She seems more interested in doing her individual journey then marraige work...say this because of the types of books she reads and her actions towards me and our marriage. But we had a hostile conversation about how important continuing MC was to her...she was fighting hard for it.
Kicker is her actions speak to individual work...her words to marital work. A month and a half ago I suggested stepping away from MC for a while...let us continue our work in IC and then see where that leads us. I still have anger issues and trigger hard about every 4 days...which is better then every hour.
I still ask similar and identical questions sometimes. We are 11 months out. I still rage occasionally. We have been in counseling once a week for almost 11 months now. I try to use "I" statements during our talks. I try to check my assumptions by asking her about them. She more or less doesnt get fully on board with the "I" statement thing and says that "checking assumptions" doesnt always mean talking to her (meaning I should have enough knowledge to answer some of them myself).
Is this normal? Ideas on how to get past this?
We are also at different stages along our spiritual path...appears to be becoming an issue between us.
Add to this the fact that her sister early on told her to "put her relationship with the OM aside so that she can concentrate on her marriage" (this was BEFORE I knew about the affair). To be fair..the sister did not know how deeply invested my wife was with the OM at that time...she was under the impression they were "just friends". Of course, NOW my wife and I have new wisdom...and there really can't be "just friends". But her FOO are very much instilled in her sister too...just like my FOO are part of my brothers too.
BIG driver now? My girls start back to school on Thursday...this is where my wife and OM would connect...drop respective kids off and meet. Pre-A I would occasionally ask to come into work late or leave early so I could have the pleasure of taking or picking up my girls. We bought a house that is 2 blocks from the school so that we could walk them to school. My wifes AP insists on parking along the street between our home and the school.
Thanks to the SI members that think I am a compassionate, thoughtful guy who has evolved...but I am not Zen enough to see her AP and not act like a Silver back gorilla and "protect" my family. That leaves me angry at myself.
We are also just about 2 weeks out from my 1 year anti-versary.
Anyone got one of those light sticks they use in Men In Black that are used to erase memories?
This is part of Gods plan. And I have free will. I just wish I didnt have so much free will...wish my path was more clear.
Mercy in mystery....right?