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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

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User Topic: I humiliated myself in front of OW
♀ Member
Member # 39523
Default  Posted: 4:39 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As someone said earlier DNA test. Don't stress over anything you may say. OW is about to get a dose of reality. I hope your H keeps his NC throughout her pregnancy. Even if the baby is his, he is in no way obligated to pamper her. As a matter of fact he can cold shoulder her butt and be loving to the child.
I suspect he is starting to see and resent the negative impact she is having on his future as well as its affect on his relationship on your family.
Your statement just made him feel like a pos.

Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She may have heard a slightly different message. While I absolutely feel your humiliation, I can imagine what she actually "heard".

Thank you for taking care of him when I couldn't states clearly that she was simply a stand in, never the real thing.

too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 682 | Registered: Jan 2008
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone, so much. There is a lot of comfort in all that you have written.

This really stuck with me:

A possible reason for saying and even feeling like this on some level is about having a sense of control. It sounds counter intuitive, but maybe if somehow your 'not being a good wife' contributed to an environment that 'caused' him to be unfaithful. then if you are now a 'good wife' you can effect that outcome.

In a way I can see how a driver might have been to mark your territory.

I said a similar thing to my H. shortly after discovery. In my mind I thought "So AP watch out because now I am back in my groove"

We 'know' that their affairs are about them. That even having been the most attentive wife would not have changed that outcome. but it is a natural and understandable reaction to wish if we just did something differently it would never have happened.

On a level I wonder if you were letting her know that his infidelity wasn't about her. That he didn't 'choose' her. And in some sense you were right. His actions had nothing to do with her, other than that she was available. She may as well have been a mirror. Because his affair was all about him.

I'm so very sad - but I don't feel alone. Thank you.

Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 23
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