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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: getting the "f"
gettingthere2013
♀ Member
Member # 38232
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm at a point now where I'm uncomfortable referring to my husband as WH when posting. R is going well,after a bumpy first several weeks.The work he's doing in IC and MC as well as our daily life floors me-the same man who was dumbass enough to risk our "us" is now busting tail to be worthy of me and the life we share.

I know everyone is different,but when did you give your WS the "f" in front of the "W"...and why?


Me:BW(42)
Him:WH(40)
Kids: Seven...yes,you read that right,and yes-we do know what causes them :)
Dday#1 1/29/2013(ONS with coworker)
Dday#2 4/8/2013(6 month LD PA with coworker,over for six months at time of discovery)
Heading for S.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: South
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm interested in the answers as I've never-ever referred to Mr Lucky as a WS.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never put a w in front of the H, so had no need for an f.

Posts: 1010 | Registered: Jan 2013
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A while back someone posted about this and it resonated with me. They thought labels were problematic and not helpful in R. I think the label really kept me stuck even though her actions were right. I only use the WS or WW when needed for clarity. Otherwise she is my W.


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jul 2011
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm too lazy to type an F?

But seriously... I'm 95% sure he's an F but damned if I ever let my guard down. Them's the breaks. Sorry babe.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1051 | Registered: Aug 2012
FeelingSoMuch
♂ Member
Member # 38814
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not yet using an "f" but the thought of working toward my WW earning that "f" is motivating for both of us.

She'll get the "f" when I feel that I can trust her again. (or as close to 100 per cent trust as is possible after an LTA).

I guess everyone's different.


Me: BH
Her: WW
Together since 2001, married since 2007.
D-day: Feb. 20, 2013.
Broke NC: 2 phone calls since
Today: In MC and IC, attempting R.
It got easier: They no longer work together.

Posts: 508 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Canada
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been giving my husband the capitol F since we started R two years ago. I figured when I completely forgave him I would take it away. I don't know if I am there yet but maybe I can make it a small f


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1594 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Texas
VD2012
♂ Member
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I initially used WS when I first joined for clarity's sake and assumed etiquette, then quickly adopted fWS, but I realized I'm not really up to labelling my wife beyond what she is. Which is she's my wife, regardless of anything else. So that's what I call her. Don't even use her SI name to refer to her, she's just my wife. As she should be.

I get how labels and descriptors are relevant and important to some folks but for myself it isn't how I work. I'm not prone to labelling things and it doesn't serve a purpose for me.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH has certainly earned it (the f) but he will never, ever get it. He will forever be a WH.

I see it like this:
I gave birth to 2 children that call me Mom. If, for whatever reason, they decided to walk out of my life and never see me again I would still be a Mom...I would not be a fMom.

Sadly, if he didn't want the degrading title, he should never have done the degrading deed.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2094 | Registered: Nov 2011
nekorb
♀ Member
Member # 40306
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have chosen not to use the "WH" for my husband. I feel like it jus constantly reinforces a negative emotion.

He is my husband. I love him. I am grateful that I can separate the person from his actions. I want to reconcile. Therefore, I must support and maintain a respectful and loving attitude toward him no matter what.

That is a choice I am making for myself.

Remember the saying: un forgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.


Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have


Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take h


Posts: 1732 | Registered: Aug 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've almost always referred to my W as 'W' or 'my W' in posts, but in my profile, I made her fWS when I was really convinced she wouldn't cheat again.

In some respects it was a big deal. In retrospect, 'not cheating again' is such a small part of R that the 'f' may really be a minor detail....


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I used the fwh title for awhile...since he was so immediately sorry and remorseful. I truly just think of him as my H now. We love each other more than anything and we together are weathering this storm. It is so much better two years later. Most days I feel happy, hopeful, and more and more normal.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 296 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

well...she's a former WW.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unless the "f" stands for EFFING Wayward Husband, he's not getting an f anytime soon No where near trusting him. I hope one day I will feel he deserves the f for "former".


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
lostworld
♀ Member
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in the same boat as many others; use something other than "H" for clarity only. He's still what he always was, my husband.


Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
R'd
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 809 | Registered: Apr 2008
Topic Posts: 15

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