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User Topic: AD's and healing?
dindy
♀ Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 4:15 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been taking Prozac for 5.5 months now and I have managed to reduce down to half the prescribed dose. I'm managing ok with this.

Yesterday I realised that I had forgotten to take my medication for two days and I felt really anxious, angry and on edge. What worries me is that one part of me feels that I need to take these to be able to function as I have two small children and my DD is only 16 months old and very hard work. Yet, part of me thinks I should stop taking them as surely these feelings need to come out and be dealt with? I feel that it is only going to take longer to heal but I have to be in a place where I can function properly as a single mother.

I was feeling really low the last two days, partly because my two children and I are visiting my brother in Scotland and before we visited him as a family unit. It is also my DD's first trip here so it makes me feel sad that she is never going to experience having her mummy and daddy together on a family holiday like my son has experienced.

But, it does make me angry as I still feel like I am constantly battling each day for survival and ex doesn't give a shit that I am having to take AD's to cope and is happily moving on without a care in the world.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
TheRealDeal
♀ Member
Member # 39560
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dindy)))

Yet, part of me thinks I should stop taking them as surely these feelings need to come out and be dealt with? I feel that it is only going to take longer to heal but I have to be in a place where I can function properly as a single mother.

in my own eyes I couldn't seem to move past the sadness/crying stage for weeks. I would be crying throughout the day at the drop of a hat; not just a few tears but great big huge gulping-for-air sobs that brought me to the floor at times.

I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. IC kept explaining it was part of the grief stage and was completely okay.

After several weeks he said that if I wanted to seek ADs, he would understand my need to do that but that I might be better off continuing through the grief process...truly feeling my feelings and letting it all out.

Well, I went to doctor, got the RX filled and thought to myself "here's the magic pill" that will help me. I had never taken AD before but I took them for 4 days.

I stopped for a few reasons:
1. a few side-effects kicked in immediately (couldn't sleep, shaking, increased heart rate).
2. ICs words kept replaying in my head..."feel your feelings"
3. I can now admit to being co-dependent. I started going to CODA meetings. My current situation dredged up really repressed memories and feelings from my fathers affair 28 years ago and what I had experienced back then. 4.I didn't want everything - current and past - to get "masked" by taking AD. I recognized I need to truly face it, feel it, deal with everything.
5. all that I read and all that I was told indicated I'd eventually move through the extreme grief stage.

everyone is different and taking AD is an extremely personal choice for doing what is best for you. I don't hold it against anyone who takes them because I do believe they are definitely necessary and valuable.

But for me I realized I needed to truly feel what I was feeling. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I was just going to break if I did. And it is a mixture of suppressed shit from many, many years ago with my parents plus also dealing with current situation. It's overwhelming.

But I am at least FEELING. And once I started doing that, I'm actually making progress on improving myself. It was a major breakthrough for me. Even my IC was pretty impressed with my recent appearance/attitude and for the first time ever I didn't reach for his tissues during my most recent session...no tears!

I wish you peace. trust yourself that you will make the best decision for yourself based on where you are with your personal-discovery


Me: 45, him: 54
together 18 years
DDay1 March 2013, Dday2 April 27, 2013, Dday3 June 1, 2013
We are in R and trying to make it
Never lose yourself trying to hang onto someone who doesn't care about losing you.

Posts: 249 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Northeast
plainpain
♀ Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I completely understand what you are saying. I am on AD's, and I made that choice for my kids. If it were just me, I would go full on into the grief, lie on the floor every day, throw things till I got it all 'out'. I can't afford to do that. I have to get out of bed every day, make breakfast, be a mother, and show kindness to their father as we work through this deep pain.

Maybe the anxiety you experienced was a withdrawl from the Prozac? I am on Zyban, and I feel like I am still fully feeling all of my emotions - I just have control of myself usually. Not always. I still cry, feel anxious, get angry... all of it. But I don't feel despair all the time, and I don't feel like killing myself, and I have clarity in my thinking. I am not worried that I am stuffing any feelings down... but I can control when and where I start screaming and pounding my fists at the sky.

If you don't feel like you're able to feel your feelings, maybe you could try a different AD? You should be able to feel... I agree, you can't heal if you can't deal with it head on.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 807 | Registered: Jul 2013
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was considering asking for something to help me through this, but was worried that it would just prolong/postpone what I have to go through anyway...so I haven't yet. There are days though that I wonder. I also have children to care for and a job, both are suffering from my inability to function fully on a daily basis. Some days better than others. I do think I'd like something to help me sleep. I wonder if I could just get some good regular sleep if the functioninig would improve without ADs. Idk. Will be watching this post for insight. Thanks for asking this question.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 4

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