Your footprint on this world is undeniable. I know sometimes things happen that shake us up, but I know you will find your footing again and realize what a remarkable and kind person you are and how many lives (and generations, as was mentioned) you have left your footprint on.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
Its' funny, the other day I was on my morning walk and one of our neighbors joined me (I had to slow wayyyyyy down since he's in his late 70's) and we were chatting about all sorts of things and some how got on the subject of dying.
I told him that I'm not afraid of actually dying...its the process leading up to it that I'm scared of. So I always like to make sure the house is clean and organized because if I die suddenly I don't want anyone to think I was a bad housekeeper
He put his arm around me and said "dear DS, once you're gone the only thing that will matter is how much the ones left behind will always love you and miss you" then he hugged me and lit a cigarette
I suppose he's right along with all of you...I really shouldn't focus so much on what people will think of me but more of how they will remember me
[This message edited by SI Staff at 2:54 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
What happened yesterday and the events that unfolded really made me start to question my life and what I'm actually doing here.
We all have moments like this in one form or another, but in the grand scheme of things, unless you're planning on coming back as a ghost to haunt us, I don't think you have to worry about what anyone thought of you because IMO, when you're gone, you're gone. That's why funerals are for those left behind, not the departed.
(Have I fully depressed you yet? )
Beyond all that, in you I see a person who lives life to the fullest, has a true appreciation for the arts and people in general (even the ornery ones), and someone who stands up for the little guy. You champion other people’s causes, businesses and successes. As if that wasn’t enough, you’re a fab fur baby mommy, kick-ass decorator and you really know your wines. Seriously! What’s not to love?
All that said, I have often used Emerson’s “Success” as a measurement to life. Here you are – Enjoy!
Ralph Waldo Emerson
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
Edited to fix erratic spacing.
[This message edited by ajsmom at 3:53 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
has a true appreciation for the arts and people in general (even the ornery ones),
Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.
But do any of you feel the need to leave some sort of footprint behind?
Maybe I'm strange, but I don't, really. However, I'm more than a decade older than you, DS, have had a couple of health scares recently, and what I DO find now is that:
"...at my back I always hear
Time's wingèd chariot hurrying near"
I am increasingly aware of the fact that I may not have many years left. Every month, it seems that yet another of my teenage heroes bites the dust and it's rather frightening. For I reflect upon all the things - large and small - that I intended to do in life, but have yet to get around to. And I have to accept the realization that now I probably never will achieve them. And I find THAT extremely depressing.
I tend to mark the time by garbage collections! As I gather things up and wheel the trashcans out, I often reflect on the fact that yet another week in my life has passed by in what seems like mere minutes. I really, really want to stop the clock, so that I can catch up with my dreams of yesteryear.
Although I am proud of some parts of my life, I know that if I'd put my mind to it, I could have achieved many more of the list of things I planned to do in my youth and have added to each year. But I've spent long years putting most of them on hold until later, when Life was less busy and I had more time.
And now, as the years accelerate in their passing, I realize that I have postponed them for too long. And THAT is what I absolutely regret.
One of my schoolfriends was a Catholic. I remember her telling me that one should pray in the morning, in case one died during the day, and again at night, in case one died during the night. I was very struck by this! And if I had my time over again, I think I would try to be far less of a procrastinator and force myself to work on anything I really wanted to achieve in life right now, rather than waiting until I had enough spare time and opportunity to do it really well. Because one day, usually unexpectedly, there will be no more time, or, indeed, opportunity.
I'm sorry - this is probably not in the least comforting. Apart from the fact that most people here are fortunate enough to have far more years to work on their goals than do I!
But as for that life footprint, DS, can you not see that with SI, you are creating footprints, both professional AND personal, of which Bigfoot himself would be unbelievably envious?!
Professionally, by creating and maintaining the web site itself. And personally, by making vast numbers of people's lives far happier than they'd have been without it. With this place, you're saving many a marriage; making it possible for those damaged by cheating to heal; giving those who are being ill-used to see that and go on to far happier lives; giving those who think there is no hope the strength to go on, or to escape their torment.... the list goes on and on. And don't forget that the aforementioned giant footprint needs space not only for the 40,000 plus members. But for all thee children of members, too! If enabling so many people to be happy isn't a personal achievement, then heaven help lesser mortals like me!
[This message edited by Cally60 at 4:13 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
I agree with the others. I think the biggest footprint is the impression you leave with the people that know and love you. Like me
Maybe just take a good stock of your priorities, the things that are really truly important to you, and make sure you are directing way more energy at them than anything else? I think that's the best way to feel like our lives mattered. Don't focus on the proverbial crab grass I guess. Enrich your friendships, spend your time with your loved ones, ask your neighbours to tell you more about their history. Just stuff that matters.
ETA) I was watching my dad and my son stand and fish off the dock at the cottage last week and thought .. THIS. This is what matters. I am just going to try and *be* in those moments. It's helping.
[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:11 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
Together 33 years
6-5-06 Day of Reckoning
"The acquired inability to escape"
I completely understand now why so many people turn to you for comfort...you have no idea how much better I feel because of you all, right now
AJ...you're not going to believe this, but that was one of my mothers favorites of Ralph Waldo Emerson. In fact, when MH was designing her memorial card for her funeral, I was tossed between that one and another favorite of hers by Maya Angelou...it was about sitting still on a park bench and observing nature...I chose that one because of my mothers love of all creatures
Anyway...I do feel better because all of you. You lifted me up I'm still upset about yesterday as it was quite a scare but I have a better perspective and grip on how I can keep my life going in the direction I want it to.
Thank you again to all that took the time to help me...I really appreciate it. Your kindness I will hold close to my heart
I didn't read all the replies, but gosh you and everyone of us has a great footprint to leave behind whether we realize it or not. You stated yourself all the things you are proud of and look at the community you and MH created here. I've been here for 12 years and its still going strong!! What an accomplishment. There is no other board like this one, with such caring people.
Maybe you can start a video journal of everything you did and want to say so that you can leave it with a friend or relative to share with generations to come. Maybe that will be sort of signature stamp you can put on tape.
Very thought provoking DS.
[This message edited by click4it at 4:39 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]
Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?
As someone else said, you and MH took a painful, devastating experience, turned it around and helped literally tens of *thousands* of people. I don't think too many people can say that. You and MH have created something as unique as the Mona Lida or a newborn baby. That's something to be proud of and will definately leave a large footprint.
All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.
It's in not just big exposed acts, but small, fleeting ones.
A kind word, a smile, acknowledgment of another human being or life.
Of course I hope my own footprint is left on my children and their children and their children...but to think that long term out can be overwhelming for me. So I do what I can, in the now, in the moment and hope that my legacy is is just that: a brief moment that may be gone in the blink of an eye, or one that continues on, either passed on from me or through me.
"be kinder than necessary..."
I'm sure your 70 year old neighbor has little DH footprints that he carries with him. That in of itself is quite a nice legacy .
WHAT happened yesterday, DS??
We've been getting some pretty serious death threats. Serious enough to warrant the police coming over yesterday and interviewing us, taking our statements and filing a case.
We had to explain that we're an NPO running a support website and the sheriff says "whats the name of the site?" and when I told him he said "you and your husband created it? Why?" and I just blurted out "because I cheated" omg
And he said "I've been through it myself" I'm pretty sure he meant he had been cheated on because he kept walking over to my laptop and would say things like "can I see the site again?" "What's the name of it?"
So, that's what happened. It just kind of solidified that all we've been through is still tailing behind me.
Anyway I don't want to turn this into an infidelity issue since we're in OT...it's still my issue of wanting to leave a good footprint of my life.
(((DS & MH)))
Can you trace them?? Do you know WHO is threatening you??
That just makes me so mad!
Do you know WHO is threatening you??
Yes, we know who it is but I don't think I should say much more publicly about it, because I'm confident this person is reading here.
I'm sorry ((DS and MH)). You don't deserve that kind of bologna.
[This message edited by unfound at 7:09 PM, August 14th (Wednesday)]