Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: downanout (45360)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: she cheated on me. what should i do. i got wronged sometimes too
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my fiance and I are on our 7th year now. not yet married.. 5 year old son. we got seperated due to she's living in LA and im here on Philippines. so we had long distance relationship. im with our son. she leaved for LA last nov. 2012. everything was going smooth until this march 2013. he spoked to me that we had to cool off. i said wtf! did i do something wrong? she said she needed space. then she said lets see what will happen this end of march 2013. i said you go home (here in the philippines) and we'll fix this personally. face to face. not thru facetime or skype. she said she dont want too because she had work. she always go out to go clubbing and bar hopping with her sister. then since the whole month of march. it was hell for me. thinking what went wrong. then i finally decided to bought her a ticket. from LA to philippines. april 24, 2013 she got here. . she said my decision to break up with you for good is not gonna change. we're just gonna talk what will happen to our son. its all good to me. but my real plan is to rekindle the relationship since were on LDR. then we fought. almost everyday. because im asking her what went wrong that shes breaking up with me. we had plans to get married. and all that stuff. but she said no. "i fell out of love with you". but since i love her and i dont want a broken family. i insisted to court her and pursue her. that i really need to get us back. i didnt say a word. i just court her and bought her flowers' massage her feet. foot spa her, etc and all that sweet stuff. then slowly. we are getting back for good. you kno. we are reconciling and my rekindling plans are taking its effect im just happy! but then i got some real intuition that is on my mind what really went wrong that she said sometime on march that she said that we had to cool off. leading to break up. then i check on her ipad and saw some messages from this guy. bumping into her and spending time with her. i read all the messages and i found out that he is the reason why shes breaking up with me. they met 3x. first they drink on a bar. nothing happened. 2nd they went to mini golf. and he invited her to go to his place but my fiance refused. on the 3rd meet up my fiance did go to his house and they had sex! i confronted her with all my evidences. and she didnt refuse. she said its true. but shes saying she loved me and shes not thinking straight that time and it just happened. i hit her in the face 1 time because of my anger and she hugged me and she said sorry. crying. i wanted to kick her out but i remember the famous phrase that "dont make decisions when ur mad" so i called it a day then i think really hard. the D-day happened june 9 2013. il never forget that day. i feel that the world is in my shoulders and im falling apart. i choose to accept her and i can see that shes doing everything to win my trust back. shes not going out of the house since the d-day unless i accompany her. i told her that she should go out with her friends but she said she dont want to because i dont trust her yet. she said she'll do everything i wanted her to do. im feeling okay now but the mind movies wont go. i feel insecure and i feel shitted on. but when i do cry she hugs me and she reassure me that it wont happen again. she said i wont leave ur side unless im ready. and she didnt go anywhere since the D-day. im a doing it right? should i really forgive her and take her back? our son saw us fighting before the d-day. now we are not fighting anymore. we are compramising each other and we can control our emotions more effectively. help guys! should i really take her back? i am still hurting but not as fresh as the D day. thanks SI

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
hotcoffee
♂ Member
Member # 39700
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kurt, are two now in the same country for good or will this continue to be a LDR? Is she still in contact with the other guy? Have you hit her before?

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2013
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, August 14th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi hotcoffee. we are in the same country now. here in philippines. but she will be back to LA february 2014. i will apply U.S visa this year. since our son is already a US citizen. and my fiancee is an immigrant. this is the 2nd time i hit her. but i really regret it. its just burst of anger because of what she did to me. 1st time i hit her because she did go out with other guy to watch movie and they had a coffee. i knew it, because i followed her. after that she did go home. then i confront her with pictures. please help. i already did go to go counsel myself about my temper problem and my violence and then after that. the cheating while on LDR just came out and then all i've learned to the counseling just vanished. nothing so serious. i didnt hit her to death. the 1st time i just slap her in the face but the slap is not that strong. then the 2nd time is the one punch that i mentioned above on my 1st post. what did i do to deserve the cheating. thanks so much for replying hot coffee.

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
AStar
♀ Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Kurt203.
It is difficult to carry on a LDR. You also can not force someone to stay with you or love you. I know you are hurting and want to keep your relationship and family in tact. You need to find out if this is what your significant other also wants. When you know this you can honestly assess your options going forward.
It is also my opinion that it is completely unacceptable to hit a woman (or anyone else) under any circumstances. It is assault - plain and simple. You need to get counselling to deal with your anger issues as well as intensive counselling for yourself with regard to your relationship.
Your significant other may or may not want to be with you- you will need to accept her decision even if it is hard for you and your son.
I also suggest seeing a lawyer to understand any custodial issues related to your child.
Take care of yourself too.


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks astar

i just asked her. she said she want to move forward together with me and my son.. she said it was a mistake having an affair while were not with her. but due to the trauma iv been going thru, the betrayal and all the lies she told me. i dont trust her yet. thats why i cant move forward. they say it will take time. what should i do. should i believe her? is not leaving me by my side while im not yet ready, is it a good sign that shes really remorseful of what she did? thanks for the inputs guys! Godbless us all.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post

[This message edited by lauren123 at 8:57 AM, August 15th (Thursday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kurt203
I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible.

Are you both in personal therapy and couple's counselling. I ask this because (treading softly as this is JFO)

shes not going out of the house since the d-day unless i accompany her. i told her that she should go out with her friends but she said she dont want to because i dont trust her yet. she said she'll do everything i wanted her to do.

Is really concerning

As of course is

this is the 2nd time i hit her. but i really regret it. its just burst of anger because of what she did to me. 1st time i hit her because she did go out with other guy to watch movie and they had a coffee. i knew it, because i followed her. after that she did go home. then i confront her with pictures.

I don't have the answer to if you should be together or not. I don't know enough details, and your timeline doesnt make sense. i suggest you go back and edit it eith paragraphs and all violent incidences occurring.

All I know is from the entire post is that this sounds like a very toxic relationship on both sides. But I feel there is a lot more to this story, I feel that there is a lot of fear in this relationship. I would be interested in as to the custodial situations with your son.


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
hotcoffee
♂ Member
Member # 39700
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kurt, I concur with Astar and Lauren. You need to deal with your own issues. LDR complicates everything. And your SO has to want this to work. I know you have a kid. His welfare should be your first priority. Sorry you are in this mess.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2013
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ma'am lauren

yes were done on our personally counseling and now were on couples counseling.

sorry im just on mobile and i can barely type. can i ask what is JFO ans SO? thank you too hotcoffee. i feel safe here in SI. thanks lauren.

btw my first post is all that i got. sorry for my bad english. GOdbless.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lauren123

sorry, the story looks toxic since i didnt divide it to paragraphs. i just cant think and cant move right now. i think im still depressed. DABDA is mixing up. thanks for the replies.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
AStar
♀ Member
Member # 39971
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JFO- just found out
SO - significant other

What is DABDA?


Me BS (41)
Him WH (45). EA and possible PA (denied)
D Day 7/21/2013
M 8 years - filing for D

**The cruelest lies are often told in silence- Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 115 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New Zealand
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. DABDA

thanks Astar

[This message edited by kurt203 at 12:33 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the story looks toxic since i didnt divide it to paragraphs.

Not sure you understand...

I'm saying your relationship is very bad and there is no point in being together if you BOTH don't work on your issues.

You need to acknowledge that your violence is an issue. Again, you need to edit you post include all violent instances etc.

I understand your hurting, but if you can't do this... How are you looking after your son?

Also

twhat should i do. should i believe her? is not leaving me by my side while im not yet ready, is it a good sign that shes really remorseful of what she did? thanks for the inputs guys! Godbless us all. .

I'm not in your relationship, dday was recent and you are not going to trust her at all. But you can't be violent and I feel that there are other instances, and I feel that you are controlling. Otherwise she wouldn't be too scared to go to the grocery store.

So my answer based on this is. No. You shouldn't be together.

[This message edited by lauren123 at 5:43 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lauren123

i appreciate your thought about this.
but it is all the violent acts. i said it all right here on my first post. and i am not controlling. in fact. ive never been jealous in our whole times together. just now. i think im traumatized and it hit me real hard. it hit me emotionally. and physically. i cant sleeo and eat almost everyday. were both working on our issues. were done in our individual counseling and now were on a couples counseling. im letting her out so we can give space to each other. i am pushing her away literallly. im telling her you got to the mall and go shopping. and go out with your friends. i even want to drive her to her friend's house. but she didnt want to. so im not controlling her. btw. thanks lauren for your inputs.

more advices please. how do i put out the mind movies?


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 11:25 PM, August 15th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mind movies will settle down in time, if you address all aspects of your relationship. Try not to dwell on them when they ocurr.

You both need to stay in IC, and continue with MC to utilise some techniques in communication.

Again, mind movies WILL NOT die down if you don't address all aspects, get the all out in the open. This of course means the violence, for example an ic will work with you to see your fears moving forward. An example of a fear is, "what if I do it again?" What if she's more likely to cheat or break up w/me because I did this?"

Really working with your IC will sort that out


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 1:08 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i really appreciate your time replying on me lauren. thanks for that.

can i ask something? is MC marriage counseling? whats IC btw? thank you laureen. i appreciate your honest replies so much.


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 3:48 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mc: marriage counselling
IC: individual counselling


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks laureen.

ill suggest to my fiancee that we go to individual counseling again. thanks!

more inputs guys. i need your advices here. thanks!


Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

up

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
kurt203
♂ New Member
Member # 40311
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, August 24th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

guys how can you stop obssessing on the affair?

Posts: 13 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 20

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.