And waiting for the shoe to drop. Try as I will, I still have the insecurities....I check his phone, his emails....I suspect him of dark secrets...is he secretly gay? FOR NO REASON!! there are no flags. Every check comes out clear, but I still have this horrible feeling.
How can I make the ghosts go away? I want to be able to love my new man, and build a "happy ever after" instead of waiting for the day when it comes to a horrible end
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings
I have discussed it with him, and he says he loves me, will not cheat, and does not know how to reassure me. He is not the demonstrative type, but that is par for the course for men around here
I just don't know how to get rid of the demons of my past
I would honestly say to stop checking his phone, stop checking his email. By investigating where there is no cause, you feed the beast of fear and insecurity. Trust can be a choice, and you can retrain your mind to focus on the positives. When you are tempted to check his info, instead tell yourself out loud that you trust him because he is a good man who is faithful, respects you, loves you, treats you well, etc. and then find something else to do to occupy yourself.
The more you invest in a relationship, the more you have to lose. Therefore, it is reasonable that you feel this way. She recommends doing a lot of things that you like to do to keep your self image strong.
Enjoy the time you do have- not to be depressing but there are no guarantees of life - affairs, accidents, etc. Let go and know you can handle whatever comes and soak up life.
I have a really amazing man, who fortunately for me is very understanding, despite having a lot of baggage of his own, which he is a LOT better at dealing with than I seem to be!
Trust, love and working on the ghosts is the order of the day!
I hate this.
Kids: my two reasons for getting through each day