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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Struggling - they still work together.
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How does he look at it??
Is he in communication with her?? Does she work right next to him?? Secretary etc...

When I was younger my WS was the super and he was her boss. SHe wanted my life she was scum...Ick seriously nasty nasty..Both OW were and still are to this day.
I kinda like running into them now! Haha!!

Each person has a different situation. But what it comes down to is what you can handle..

Now I am 48 and a lot older I can't believe I handled it as well as I did. I just figured he needed to look at the nasty OW and imagine he could of been stuck with that over me! Kinda of a punishment daily to him...
I am weird I guess...
I know if I messed around on my spouse I would feel horrid and to have too look at the OM would do me in. To have to look at that person daily would be my worst punishment.
My girl friend says oh hell it is just sex people make too much of it..Yep other people just look at stuff differently.
My spouse worked at that job for 1 year after the last OW.
IDK it all just sucks..
My spouse did nothing to make me feel safe.
I look back and wonder myself how I made it. But I know I just figured if he wanted scum he could have them. I would be ok.
'Cause I was a better person then them! (still am)

You have to decide if you are willing to stay in this marriage with them working with each other. If he isn't willing to leave his current job or her leave.
I knew my

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you asked your husband or inlaws to fire her?

Posts: 708 | Registered: Jul 2013
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sucks. It really really sucks. It's only now, 6 years later, that I find the thought of her at his workplace annoying rather than stomach-churning. But I felt like you did for at least 4 years.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8824 | Registered: Jan 2008
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH continued to work with OW after I found out about the A. He also would call me from work, and get home right on time, where before Dday he was always at least 1 1/2 hours late. Despite telling me it was over, and that they avoided each other, the A continued. Fortunately, she quit last week after I sent her BH a letter outing the A. I was never able to trust him while they still worked together.


[This message edited by RedRose at 7:11 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to share that the OW is on vacation this week!!! I have forgotten what it feels like to not have to worry about anything while he's at work. Or to not see her name pop up on either one of our phones. It's so nice! I wish she would just stay gone forever.

Posts: 708 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 31383
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to contend with them working together for eight months after D day. I understand how completely devastating it is to have that fear and anger every single day!

In my case I made some very clear demands ie any email communication between them I was to be shown - even when it was just cc on an email chain and I was to be given a blow by blow description of any or all conversations that had together in a meeting context.

I went further I demanded that there should NEVER be any one on one conversations. Luckily for me WH's male EA had been a BH (twice) so had a very dim view of infidelity so I confided in him and asked him to watch my back ie let me know if I was being taken for a ride. My WH really hated that he knew because he was worried he would think less of him - well duh!!

He was terrific and just inserted himself into any interaction that OW tried to initiate.

I also demanded that if OW wouldn't leave then her duties should be reassigned so she was out of the office most of the week.

The days she was out of the office provided some comfort but it was only after we left and moved to another state and I felt reconciliation could progress and I could achieve any degree of comfort and a feeling of safety.

My advice would be to make some fairly stringent demands - anything you need to make you feel safe. Passively accepting the status quo is clearly not working for you.

Best wishes.

Me BS 49
Him WS 55
Married 13 years together 14
D Day 13 Feb 11
R going well despite the odd setback. Starting to believe we will make it.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Australia
♀ Member
Member # 39772
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Significant other refused to find a way to let his married employee go...cut back her hours, eliminate that position, etc and she has refused to quit (another employee told me they suggested she do the right thing and quit and my SO confirmed the story). As a result, I told him I could not wait till he figured out his future between the two of us and we had settlement on our home of 20 years together today. He also lost another employee who quit and who did not want to get in the middle of their crazy work place affair.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the same boat, and I work for the same place. My WW and her AP had a thing 8 years ago just prior to me dating my WW. She was single and he was married and still is.

She got a new job this past January, he got demoted and ended up her boss. Two months later, affair time. Found out, false R, second phone, still wants to work the same job.

Really no place for her to go. I told his wife and threatened great bodily harm. He was scared for a while and now calls her for bullshit stuff. He is stupid, not brave. A serial cheater.

I can only hope our spouses are doing as they say.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
♂ Member
Member # 40203
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, September 4th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also pewpewpew, I love your motto at the bottom of your page.

Posts: 166 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 29
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