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Newest Member: iknowiwillbeok (43219)

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User Topic: Help Help me please asap
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please file that report. You should have called 911 last night while it was happening.

You also need to file Temporary orders to legally keep him from waltzing over any time he feels like it. Unless and until you begin to make this legal, you are really at he mercy of his conscious.

Ahem.

Please protect yourself and your kids. You can't take this sort of crazy behavior lightly. PM me if you need to chat- I have a 2 year protective order on my exWH because he went batshit crazy and assaulted me.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3240 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I am going to talk with my therapist today and trying to get into lawyer asap. I did call police and they told me basically I got nothing on him unless I was physically threatened...boo. I am going to talk to lawyer and figure out best next steps. I don't want to do anything that is going to pour gas on the fire, but this is gettin' ugly.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 406 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to do anything that is going to pour gas on the fire, but this is gettin' ugly.

Please, please, please INSIST that there is a police report filed. No, they are not going to "do anything" at this point because there is no immediate threat. He's not there right now and he is not in violation of any order.

But you really need to get to the courthouse and request a protection order. If you think your IL's are going to protect you and your kids from him when he's angry, you are mistaken.

This is nothing. What do you think is going to happen when you "pour gas on the fire" by filing for divorce, asking to keep the marital home, asking for child support and alimony and half his pension?? He's pissed right now over something that HE HAS CAUSED and AGREED TO DO??!!

You cannot nice your way through a divorce with a lunatic. IT. DOES. NOT. WORK.

The problem here is if you don't act on this as an urgent matter, the police and other authorities will NOT take you seriously.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH pulled this type of crap, too, after 15 years of NO drama, no arguing, etc.

I told my children that night, that our home is our safe haven from the world. NO ONE, not even their father will scare us like this again. I promised them if he ever came here again w/o letting me know first, that I would call the police. He did and I did. That was the last trouble we had out of him.

Please next time call the police -- they will tell you like they told me, go to an atty, but at least you have this on file.

Please get a spiral notebook and write everything down. Daily. One day you might be in court, and you don't want him to get 50/50 custody.

Also, when my H was like this right after he left, he was having a breakdown. I could have had him put in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks and it might have saved our family --he would have gotten serious help.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:52 AM, August 16th (Friday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 1714 | Registered: Jan 2012
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I did call the police and they told me basically he can enter the home, it is community property, blah blah blah. If I was threatened leave or get court order. MEH!

He is calling ILs telling them I am irrational and am denying him entry to his property and interfering with his custodial rights. Ya, Whatever. They told him HE is acting irrational and crazy and that I am in no way doing any of these things. Lawyer told me same thing. I did not file report, but I called and they have my concern on file. They stated the law and I have no right to keep him out and that if I need a court order I need to go get RO, but sounds so Jerry SPringer....but it is on file anyway.


I have been advised to play nice nice nice to get what I want. He send me note agreeing to certain terms of the separation that I asked for (DUMBY that he is)and so that is to my advantage. I am waiting to see really good ATTY this week and have been told time is on my side, I am totally doing the right things and he has nothing on me.

I know he has an ATTy on retainer, but this guy must be pretty bad or my BH just dumb, but he has nothing really. Trying to antagonize me and trying to get me to act irrational, but I have the ability to be a stone cold Bitch if that is how he wants to play it.

So funny- he was saying I wouldn't let him see the kids which is not true. I said, sure take them out tonight. They did NOT even want to go and said "why is Daddy wanting to see us so much these days, I am kinda sick of him" and then when they met him he was acting overly excited, swinging my little one around very dramatically and the older one says "I don't know why he is doing this, he NEVER does this kind of thing" as in You never were really that interested in the kids until you realized what you lost. You were pretty much checked out as a Dad, nice Dad, but not proactive by any stretch. Who knows, maybe he will be a better Dad now that I am not there to tell him how to be a better DAD.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 406 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
eyesrnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sleepless, you are doing all the right things. I would just warn you that until you have a remorseful WH he will escalate the anger and entitled behaviors. My WH is playing victim now due to loss of his home. He has stayed out of the house for over 5 months. When i am out of town, he stays at our house without my permission and he reminds me often that he does not need this. He has recently showed up to see the kids and i wake up to see him on the couch. I don't react. He doesn't care how I feel so there is no point in it.

He is with IC and we are about to end MC because it has been a waste of time with an an angry entitled spouse. He points to me and my not being able to get over it.

Now he has given an ultimatum he has removed his paycheck from our account unless he is allowed back. I no longer have triggers when I see him. I am able to remain calm but I also will not be bullied. My L is ready to file and so am I. He can move back at any time and I can petition that he not be allowed back. But unless he is a threat, he probably will move right back in.

Strategically, he is saying that he has to pull his check out in order to get a place to live. I have made it clear that he requires a place to live regardless if he is unhappy with living with his mother. I am proposing that he get a place and we can keep the finances transparent and continue to work on building trust one step at a time. Hopefully if I can get him to establish another residency this will cease to be a threat.

My point to telling you my story is to have you realize this could take awhile and you need to have him or the people advising him to get him into a living arrangement that he can stick with because the longer this goes on the more angrier and entitled he will become.

Another option to consider is getting a postnup that gives you the house should you divorce for any reason. Talk to your L and see if this works in your state. Your DD is recent so he may be in quite the foggy state to sign it. Take advantage of this.

Take care of yourself. Set boundaries and assert them.


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 82 | Registered: Apr 2013
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 8:19 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for the advice.

The situation is under control. MY BIL came to town and talked to him. Then he moderated a meeting (he is an atty, not a D atty, but good at this stuff anyway) and he helped us come to a list of agreements about the kids, the house, the contact, etc.

He has agreed not to come over here like that ever again. Not to try and paint me like the irrational one. Agreed to back off. I agreed to a weekly schedule for him seeing kids. He agreed no legal battle, will take it at my pace.

Of course I know he is a lying, cheating AHOLE, so not sure any of that matters. But he does love kids and I do think he understands what I need now. He says he will keep paying the bills. We are going to go to a DIvorce/separation counselor too. This person will act as an objective person to moderate how to handle the kids for this interim period and also help if this gets into custody issues later in court....as I guess not all Counselors can do that, have to be court certified...

So, immediate disaster averted. I feel like I have the upper hand. I still feel like crap bc he is not remorseful and just wants to "get this all done." No EMPATHY AT ALL. UGGGG


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 406 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 27
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