Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying



Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library


Contact Us
In Association with
Infidelity -
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: angry and upset I am shaking...
♀ Member
Member # 40382
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way, I cannot eat, sleep or even move. I am in shock, this just hurts so much. Why??? We had everything a couple could want. I feel your pain.

Posts: 74 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Calif.
♀ New Member
Member # 40385
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like I don't have any credibility since I have not worked out my own "crap" but I want to offer you support anyway. I have gathered and hid evidence for THREE YEARS of things (some of which is pointless but I saved it nonetheless)....I have been looking for my "smokig gun" and his car in front of her house would have been a smoking gun for me.

What I wish to say is that this could be a silver lining for you that you can deal with it and put closure on it. His justification would be humorous if it was not so tragic to your feelings.

I am so sorry - I feel your pain through your posts.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: NW
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's exactly how I found out too, emotionalgirl. Only me, I pulled my vehicle right in walked up to the door and proceeded to try and kick it down. The huge blow up happened at her house, and I told them both we were done, she could have him. Walked out, tried to get a restraining order on her for my kids (couldn't), then called a lawyer and made another call and had a place to move out to....within two hours. NO WAY was I sticking around for a person that had the audacity to treat me that way. SO WHAT if there is a blow up at home? That's his problem?

He's going to keep doing it as long as he knows he can. We are 8 mths into real reconciliation now, but I still feel like I should have been MORE 180 when it happened.

I truly believe when you beg and plead, the fog doesn't lift. When the WS can see that you can live without them, that you don't need them as emotional support....that's when the fog will lift. And even that's not a promise.

I'm so sorry, emotionalgirl. I know the exact feelings you are going through as we are married 16 years with little ones still at home. Disgusting how other people can be so cruel and selfish.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 255 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. I read some of the stories here and can't believe there are so many of us in similar circumstances. I pray that we can all find some kind of resolution.

I am happy to say that I am doing much better. We had what I call the
" come to Jesus" conversation last Sunday where I gave him my boundaries and consequences. That went over like a lead balloon, but I stood my ground! On Monday I moved into our spare room and when he got home he near lost his mind. I again gave him my boundaries and consequences and told him that the ball was in his court and that as he could see, I meant what I said. I then told him that my next step would be to see a lawyer, because I was not about to sit here and let him treat me as his maid while someone else gets the good parts. He was speechless! On Tuesday he got home and notified me that he had booked an appointment with an IC for next Wednesday and also called OW in front of me to declare NC. He asked what he had to do to stop me from leaving. I laid it all out, attend IC sessions, arrange for MC for us when both our IC agree we are ready, maintain NC, and TT until further notice. He was remorseful and agreed, begged me to move back into our bed. I told him not happening until I decide it is and I don't know when that will be...actions on his part right now speak louder than words.

I hired a personal trainer for me and have gone completely 180 for me, my sanity and my health. Up to him what he wants out of this marriage, right now I am too focused on me to care about his needs and wants.

I love these new bitch boots so much I might never take them off! Things are hard right now, but I am putting me first and letting him figure out his own shit. I have been at his beck and call and been his wife aka slave for so long that I need time for me. My IC says I am doing great considering D day wasnt that long ago. I just woke up on Sunday morning and decided that I am a strong independant woman who deserves more than this bullshit...25 yrs of marriage or not. I am sure I will have ups and downs especially as I don't think I have TD yet and considering the history he may yet slip in the NC department. Only time will tell.

For now I am not saying we are in R just saying things are looking a bit more positive and that I am looking out for number 1! Oh and by the way he has no clean laundry and hasn't figured out yet that I am not doing it...he wants to act like he single, he can take care of himself like he is too.

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 7685
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Red Headed Imps 10 & 8
DDay 1/05
Divorce final 6/21/06
My new life is GRAND.
Married my new beginning 6/09

Posts: 2290 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Greater Seattle Area
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, August 22nd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks broken pieces!

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ New Member
Member # 40324
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, August 23rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been in your boots. I still am. It's not easy but you have to play hard ball. Chase him down, confront him and do all you can to gather your evidence. So what if you have a blow out. It'll feel good to show him you're not stupid and you won't tolerate it. Their actions are deplorable and he needs to be bitched out. You go girl! Stand up and put some demands on him. He'll fight back because it's in his best interest to defend his cheating lies. That is to be expected. If you push hard enough, he may eventually cave if he can't handle the pressure. Mine did. We're in MC for a mere 2 sessions but I am beginning to see some changes. Right now I think he lies because he doesn't want to deal with my wrath. I wouldn't either. Slowly, slowly he is starting to open up which in turn frees him from years of deceit. It took 3 months to get him to this point and it's going to be a long road ahead but I'm feeling hopeful. Keep your head up and hang in there. Most importantly take care of yourself. Hugs going out to you!

Me: BS 45
Him: POS 51
D-day #1 Aug 5, 2013 (2 years) clueless the 1st yr, suspicious the 2nd
D-day #2 Aug 19, 2013 (there were many more)
D-day #3 10 years worth of A/ONS
Married 21 years (not sure if we'll make 22)
2 kids, 16 and 13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Michigan
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
Go to :
© 2002 - 2014 All Rights Reserved.