What I wish to say is that this could be a silver lining for you that you can deal with it and put closure on it. His justification would be humorous if it was not so tragic to your feelings.
I am so sorry - I feel your pain through your posts.
He's going to keep doing it as long as he knows he can. We are 8 mths into real reconciliation now, but I still feel like I should have been MORE 180 when it happened.
I truly believe when you beg and plead, the fog doesn't lift. When the WS can see that you can live without them, that you don't need them as emotional support....that's when the fog will lift. And even that's not a promise.
I'm so sorry, emotionalgirl. I know the exact feelings you are going through as we are married 16 years with little ones still at home. Disgusting how other people can be so cruel and selfish.
I am happy to say that I am doing much better. We had what I call the
" come to Jesus" conversation last Sunday where I gave him my boundaries and consequences. That went over like a lead balloon, but I stood my ground! On Monday I moved into our spare room and when he got home he near lost his mind. I again gave him my boundaries and consequences and told him that the ball was in his court and that as he could see, I meant what I said. I then told him that my next step would be to see a lawyer, because I was not about to sit here and let him treat me as his maid while someone else gets the good parts. He was speechless! On Tuesday he got home and notified me that he had booked an appointment with an IC for next Wednesday and also called OW in front of me to declare NC. He asked what he had to do to stop me from leaving. I laid it all out, attend IC sessions, arrange for MC for us when both our IC agree we are ready, maintain NC, and TT until further notice. He was remorseful and agreed, begged me to move back into our bed. I told him not happening until I decide it is and I don't know when that will be...actions on his part right now speak louder than words.
I hired a personal trainer for me and have gone completely 180 for me, my sanity and my health. Up to him what he wants out of this marriage, right now I am too focused on me to care about his needs and wants.
I love these new bitch boots so much I might never take them off! Things are hard right now, but I am putting me first and letting him figure out his own shit. I have been at his beck and call and been his wife aka slave for so long that I need time for me. My IC says I am doing great considering D day wasnt that long ago. I just woke up on Sunday morning and decided that I am a strong independant woman who deserves more than this bullshit...25 yrs of marriage or not. I am sure I will have ups and downs especially as I don't think I have TD yet and considering the history he may yet slip in the NC department. Only time will tell.
For now I am not saying we are in R just saying things are looking a bit more positive and that I am looking out for number 1! Oh and by the way he has no clean laundry and hasn't figured out yet that I am not doing it...he wants to act like he single, he can take care of himself like he is too.