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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: school supplies?
ThisHell
♀ Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone...stupid question here...Im getting child support and some spousal and we have a separation agreement (cannot officially file divorce till sept 8) that states he and I share extraordinary activity and extroardinary expenses 50%. I'm taking care of all school clothes for three boys, and just got a nasty text back when I asked if he would cover bookbags and lunchboxes since I am taking care of all other school supplies. Hell, last year it cost us $150 for only 2 kids school supplies, not including clothing! And I offer to cover all of that if he will just take care of bookbags, and he tells me he is paying me "an incredible" amount every month, "take it out of that"....gee, thanks.

so am I wrong? Are school supplies like this day to day expenses, or exroardinary expenses that he should be helping with?


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure if school supplies are considered extra-ordinary. My X and I do split these but neither asked a lawyer about it. I do know that medical expenses and sports and other activities fell into that description. But school could be an ordinary activity like needing clothes that might fall under CS. However the amounts now for school supplies makes it seem like it should be in the bucket outside of covered by CS.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49750 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MSA says we split school expenses. By his thinking, he shouldn't have to pay for lunches, or large trips or anything. Nope. He should have to pay.


BS(me) 46, kids DS 17, DD 14.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5218 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
ThisHell
♀ Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

see, its not broken down that minutely in our agreement. it says camp, day care, afterschool, medical copays and sports stuff...

I guess it more just ticked me off that he gave me such an attitude. I never asked for 50%...I actually specified that I was taking care of all school supplies and clothing for all three boys and simply asked if he could take them to get new bookbags and lunchboxes since theirs from last year were a mess and had been used two years in a row already. Last year it cost me $150 just for 2 kids school supplies alone..not even clothing, and now our youngest is entering kindergarten. I have not asked for anything extra from him...though he had no problem asking me to cover 1/2 of a $400 bmx bike HE wanted to get oldest DS for his bday. Um, no! I got him something from me already and if he chooses to promise an expensive gift, that's on him to figure out. Yet I'm given attitude for asking for a small assistance on a necessity for school. sigh


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have two kids in school, and I had no idea it was going to be a huge issue for the Dooosh to take one child back to school shopping and I'd take the other. I figured that would eliminate me needing to send receipts and wait for him to pay me back.

School supplies are so expensive!

So I emailed him, since he would have my son that weekend he could take him to get his stuff.

I was shocked (for a minute, then remembered I'm dealing with a complete asshole) when he replied "of course I will not be buying back to school supplies. That is what I pay child support for."

Yeah, ok Dooosh. Thanks for NOT stepping up to the plate once again to do the right thing by your kids!

So I feel your financial pain. I don't understand who they think they are hurting?? It's not ME- its the children. When I have to tell them sorry I cannot buy the other things they want (daughter needs all new clothes for school since she grew 2 sizes since last September) it is not me who will be sad. It's the children.

Why don't they get that!??!


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3233 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: ATX
hoya96
♀ Member
Member # 28851
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex refuses to pay for anything other than child support and health insurance, as required by state law. We just had a 10 month, $$$ modification suit (he sued me) and my lawyer said that it could really go either way depending on the judge as far as fighting it out in court, so I decided to let it go, save legal fees, and suck it up.

I have 3 kids in private school, so the extra costs are a LOT and never ending. Uniforms and school supplies alone cost over 500 dollars. I'm a teacher married to another teacher and he makes 6 figures in corporate and refuses to help.

It is what it is.


Me: 39
3 children ages 9, 11 and 13
Out of blue ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Divorced: 12/10/10
Re-married a wonderful man: 5/12/12

Posts: 276 | Registered: Jun 2010
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aarrgghh!! Assholes. Since we are not married to stand-up men who would just do what is right, I would think you would have to go by the separation agreement. Luckily, yours states "extraordinary expenses" which I feel would be school supplies.

My DS14 needed a laptop and uniforms for school and stbx will not help pay for. I could ask for reimbursement for half in our settlement offer but I'm using it as leverage instead.

Back to your questions: No, I don't think you are wrong. I think school supplies are extraordinary expenses. He can take his reply and shove it.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Oct 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine refuses to help with this expense as well. Don't you feel special that your beloved is in the same Extreme Asshole category as mine?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8751 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Assholes being assholes. A lot of idiots think that paying child support covers their failures as a parent it seems.

Ex actually *volunteered* to give me extra to offset the cost of b2s shopping! So far I have received 1/6th of what he agreed to contribute. I hope I receive the rest but I'm not going to hold my breath. I plan as though he will not do what he says he will do and then if he actually does it's a pleasant surprise.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think my decree specifically addresses school supplies but my attorney said that they would fall under child support. However, I don't ask him for anything. Zilch, nada, nothing. He is the last person I want anything from.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1512 | Registered: Aug 2010
LisaP
♀ Member
Member # 15088
Default  Posted: 1:14 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state, school supplies, sports, medical/dental expenses, etc are all extra. Food/clothing/shelter is covered under CS. My attorney wanted to put school supplies/sports in the divorce decree, but I told her I didn't think it was necessary...they are his kids, he will pay. I never, ever imagined that XH wouldn't help pay for the extras.

Boy was I wrong!


Me BS

Divorced!

~Feel your emotions, but control your behavior~ Unknown


Posts: 2160 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Oregon
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have primary custody, but we split "extra expenses" 50/50. The mediator suggested that I should buy 85% of clothing since they are with me 85% of the time.

Therefore I buy all clothing, and the large back to school buying, but he buys all pajamas and shoes.

I pack my kids lunch every day, but he has to purchase the Costso membership.

We split school supplies 50/50. Literally, he takes one kid shopping, I take the other.

At first, my ex was the same, "THAT is covered under the HUGE amount I pay you in CHILD SUPPORT!" I went back to the mediator, and she helped him "see" what cs covers. CS is for the food in their mouths, the clothes on their back and the roof over their heads. The basics. BUT, that only covers 85% of their "life", he has them 15% and therefore needs to pay for 15% of the "stuff". Does that make sense?

My situation may be different in that I keep 100% of the kids things at my house. I pack a bag when they visit him (or ...now...they pack!) and it is all returned. We just found this works easier for us since they only go e/o weekend to him.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3593 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To my way of thinking, things they need for school are "ordinary needs", and I cover that cost fully from child support and my own income. I also pay for my kids school clothes. School lunches is definitely covered by CS as that would be an "ordinary" expense (comes under the heading of food). The things that I ask for help with are extra-curriculars and supplies needed for those extra-curriculars (think basketball shoes, mouth guards, leotards for gymnastics). I give the kids money to eat when they have away games as I feel that is covered by CS as an ordinary expense (I'd have to feed them regardless, right?). I'm sure this is not a "popular view, but I feel that things like school supplies are items that they have to have (as opposed to extra curricular activities, which let's face it, are wants) and so are not "extra ordinary".

I haven't even asked for him to cover half of all extra-curricular activities. My dd had summer basketball league. It was $50, plus I had to transport her to all games (not one was less than 30 minutes away). But I've kind of set a threshold amount in my mind. If the activity doesn't cost more than I can comfortably afford, I go ahead and pay it.

I get a modest amount of CS and he pays it on-time and without any fuss. I hate to give him any credit, but he is stepping up to the plate on that.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
ThisHell
♀ Member
Member # 37089
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you all for your replies. I had expected to cover the cost of supplies and told him as much, I just think its ridiculous that buying bookbags would be such an inconvenience to him for gods sake. but, whatever. Its good to get some clarity and feedback from others..thanks yall!


Me:BW, 34/Him:BH, 34/ 3 boys, 5,8,12
4ddays, now Divorced
We are not in Kansas anymore

Posts: 210 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 14

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