I confronted him. Well. He's been pushing to have another baby. That lead to a long discussion.
When I told him we aren't ok as a couple, that divorse is still a very real possibility, that I do not want another baby with him right now (even though we did have an oops and I might be already...), that I believe 100% he is still cheating and that I am trying hard not to end us right now he was floored.
His reaction was completely different than every other time I have confronted. He didn't get upset or demand my proof. He was calm. He said he can try to explain what I heard but it wouldn't matter. My mind is set. He said he is here, in the marriage. He said he hasn't cheated (we talked about what "cheating" is, not just sex but lack of boundaries etc). He said he wants us.
Is he a good talker...?
Is he a master of lying?
Do I believe him?
I have been Wishing he would post here so others can get an idea of our situation from both sides. Perhaps I'm just so blinded by anger/hate/self doubt/hurt and "set" to find something that I see everything he does as cheating.
There's always a "but".
I have access to his emails, phone, fb account etc. BUT...that doesn't stop him from creating new emails or having a secret phone or...the list goes on.
Yes he has stayed in the marriage BUT is it because he wants us, staying just for the kids, knows he can have me and the kids and still get around every method of investigating so he can continue his affairs?
Has the affairs just been to much for me to ever forgive that R isn't really possible at all? What does R really look like? What does R look like for me? For him? For us?
What will it take for me to feel safe again? What does he have to do to prove he's not cheating so I actually believe him? I know he's frustrated and feels like there's nothing he can do.
Sorry. Just rambling today.