My knight in shining armor turned out to be nothing more than a little boy playing dress-up.
BS 26, WS 29. D after D-Day#2, False R, M, and a lot of regret. Hate that douche.
They usually donít change, you will be looking over your shoulder as long as you are with him.
I am sorry, try not to drink too much, you will feel worse when it wears off. Drink water or juice.
Do try to keep NC. Every day you will feel a little better. Sometimes it is 2 steps forward, 1 and 1/2 steps back. But that still puts you half a step ahead of where you were!
Let yourself feel the pain and give yourself time. You will be more up to going out with friends later. Right now you need to go through your grieving process.
Let me tell you . . . . I gave my husband a second chance after the first affair with MOW co-worker/neighbor, he asked me too. I supported my husband for 3 yrs. then put him through nursing school (bachelor degree) and had 3 kids under 8 yrs. old. I was working full time. I was stupid and naÔve and I loved him with my whole heart and could not imagine being without him. Worked hard on R.
Yeah, he did it again, 7 yrs. later. I have learned a lot along the way. I wish I would have divorced him the first time.
Now at 53, I am starting over. Most men my age are looking for younger women.
ThIs!!!! I too am 53, and I REGRET that I did not leave the first time. All the signs were there that he was extremely broken and unable to have a mature healthy relationship.
The real problem, I should have concerned myself with, was within me. I needed to work on healing my inner self to give me the strength and confidence to do the right thing for my kids and me. Instead I prolonged the agony.
I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. I know this isn't too helpful, but you won't be feeling like this forever.....it's true that time does help.
You are so young, and I am really happy you found us. There is so much wisdom here. Please stay and read and build up yourself through the site. Post as much as you wish.
You are not alone any longer and we have your back.
[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 7:38 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]
You don't want a life of checking his computer and cell phone. You want someone that will love and respect you. When he is browsing transexuals, is he respecting you?
It's hard, but you can do this and you will come out the other side and be stronger for it.
Time - it can be your friend.
My thoughts are that either way, I have to hurt right now. I can either guarantee this will be the last time, or I can live in fear of the next time.
I think you guys are amazing and thank you so so so so so so so much. I really needed all of this encouragement. You're all right that he's not going to change or ever be capable of being a good man and a good husband. I was weak and sent him an email saying, "I miss you. I miss my best friend." And he sent one back saying, "I miss you, too, but you're going to go through with this divorce. You already have the papers and there's nothing I can do about it." He's still blaming me for being the reason we aren't together...as if I would have filed for divorce if he hadn't been cheating on me. LOL. What a loser. I'm lucky that mine is such a jerk, because when I'm feeling weak, he does a great job of reminding me why this is never going to work out. He's never going to take responsibility for anything else, either. I really, really don't want him around. NC seems like the best option. I've had him gone now for exactly a week now. Everyone thinks I should be really upset, but the truth is that I started to pull back a long time ago. I stopped wanting to be awake; I would wake up at 6 am, he'd sleep til 1pm, and then i'd count down the hours until it was dark and i could go to sleep. Crazy, right? Sounds like the ideal life of a 26yr old...hating every day.
Shiloe, i'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been through this twice with this loser, too, and I got chlamydia the first time around. I had like a lapse in mental capacities or something. I was dating the most amazing guy when I left him to go back to mr. std. I can't believe it. I kick myself for that all of the time lol. He was a med student, student body president, played guitar and piano, sang, was athletic, didn't smoke or drink, spoke three languages, and was genuinely just a really nice person. I left that guy for a guy who cheated on me twice, gave me the clap, treated me like crap, smashed a hamburger into my face even though I've been a vegetarian since I was four, screamed at me, berated me, threatened me, said things like, "You're so alone. you have no family," and then went out with TSes, cougars, and CL hookers. Jesus. Someday, we're all going to look back and feel relief. We're not going to be sad anymore and we're going to be happy with our lives again. This place is amazing, but you're right again--I never wanted to be here. I found it after my first fiance cheated on me. He went to Berlin "with his brother" but forgot to throw away the other half of the condoms...and she put the photos on facebook. I really pick winners. LOL. looking forward to my divorce.
got chlamydia the first time around
smashed a hamburger into my face