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User Topic: Things you know but
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 2:57 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just haven't *done* anything about because of fear.

I debated posting this only because I've posted about it a few times.

But basically, I am well aware that what I consider a close friendship is not the friendship I currently have. Its either I step away completely from a 24 year friendship, or I just back off a bit and overcome my fear of being completely alone, without a close friend.

This is the first weekend we aren't hanging out in like 3 years. We usually do every other weekend because our kids are the same ages and they are very close too. Well, this time I decided I am not going to make plans and neither did she, but she also said she assumed my kids weren't here this weekend.

Anyhow, my kids have been a bit upset at this break in the routine, but I actually feel it was needed and I think my friend does too.

So, where this will head, I'm unsure of, but I need to conquer this fear and stop sacrificing my own feelings, needs, wants to maintain a relationship in which I'm not truly happy with. There are many plusses, but there are also some negatives that's becoming increasingly hard to ignore. And I won't get into them all here, but I'm guessing some of you who have been in this stitch get the idea.

Its a weird spot to be in and I don't really know how I'm going to feel or what I'm going to do, if anything.

Thanks for listening to my late night ramblings.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its either I step away completely from a 24 year friendship, or I just back off a bit and overcome my fear of being completely alone, without a close friend.

Click, are you familiar with that phrase "don't put all your eggs in one basket?"

Losing any 24-year emotional connection will be difficult. But think of it as branching out. If your make some new friends, explore some new interests, if/when you reconnect with old friend, you'll have lots of new stuff to talk about.

just haven't *done* anything about because of fear.

Congratulations on kicking fear in the ass!


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If your kids are close to hers, could you do an e/o weekend swap instead of all hanging out? You take her kids (and yours) the 2nd weekend of every month; she takes yours (and hers) the 4th weekend... Etc.?

Give you a break?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13572 | Registered: Jul 2011
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ladies_first- thanks. trying to kick a lot of fears in the butt in the last 6 months.

Ama- we could but it would be awkward to suggest because then that would mean I'm basically telling her I don't want to see her anymore. Not sure I'm ready to *say* that just yet and not sure that's how I really feel. I just want some sort of change, but I know her too well and know she will not try on her part to communicate with me on a more real level. I've tried. I just need to accept who she is and accept who I am and go forth.

Its a tough spot to be in, almost like a "marriage" with kids.

[This message edited by click4it at 1:46 PM, August 18th (Sunday)]


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An true enough! Maybe you could ask her to watch them and tell her you've got xyz you really need to take are of, like she's doing you a favor watching them? Offer to return it too, and gradually let it phase out in that direction?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13572 | Registered: Jul 2011
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We live farther apart now, so its not really an option to just drop off the kids unless it was like once a month or something. Thanks Ama, its something to think about it but feel uncomfortable too.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Topic Posts: 6

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