I have no advice, but I want you to know you are being heard, and to bump this to the top so someone with advice may make comments.
First things first....do not jump into anything, agree to anything or make demands....yet.
Your WH has been deceiving you, yet again while you were in MC.
There is a good chance he could take his A underground now. Stop telling him what you know and how.
Breathe....you are in a reactionary state right now. Wanting to fix it, get on with it, etc...
You need to sort through what you really need to reconcile with him. What conditions you would need him to meet. What the consequences of not meeting those conditions will be as well. You have to be willing to stick with whatever you decide. You have to know which ones are deal breakers as well- meaning if he does not comply, it is over and done.
^^If you state any of the above and you do not follow through with what you say, you lose credibility. You absolutely have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to be able to save it.
You cannot jump into a plan of action willy nilly. You have to be thought out, have a plan, communicate it rationally and be willing to back up what you say with actions.
In the yellow box in the top left, there is the healing library. I suggest you click on it and start reading, especially in the the BS (betrayed spouse) frequently asked questions.
Keep posting. We are all here for you. Take care of you. Eat drink sleep.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
TrustedHer - appreciate the support very much.
And unfortunately, since you've been through this once before, you do know that you guys need to go through yet another round of STD/HIV testing. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Of course watching him grieve that loss will be painful. Of course it hurts that you were asking for something that he was denying you, but giving to her.
If you read in the WS frequently asked questions, there is some reference to this as well.
The first thing you need is transparency. Is he being transparent with his phone, his money, banking, credit cards, email addresses, both personal and business...?
If he is like most here, he may slip with NC. He may not really be NC. That is why you need to get your ducks in a row. Do not believe everything he says. CHeaters lie.
Turn off the sound of his voice and what he says. Watch his actions. You will find truth in his actions.
As far as work, get your self to your doctor. Tell him/her what is happening. Not only do you need to be tested, they can help with any meds that might take the edge off, sleeping and/or eating etc...
It feels awful right now, but I promise, it does dull. You can make it through this. You will be ok, with or without him.