Other than you guys on SI no one ever knew why I was divorced. I told family and friends that we just grew apart and I was just vague with group members.
I have been carrying around this shame for two years all by myself. I don't know if this is just a guy thing or if women feel the shame as well. I know I did nothing wrong but I felt that if anyone one knew about my situation they would think of me as a loser.
I surprised my self by admitting it in the group because there are several attractive women there and no matter what you are always trying to put the best foot forward, even in a self help group. I'm glad I did it though, it kind of too the stigma away from the situation. Two years and small steps.
Once we S, then I told people the usual, "It just didn't work out", trying to protect...my kids? His career? Myself?
But, within 6 months, I started telling the truth. It felt freeing.
Bottom line, it is YOUR truth. YOUR story. I don't find shame in my story any longer. I have found a survival story instead.
[This message edited by cmego at 9:12 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]
But, slowly I realized I had nothing to be ashamed for. I did not behave horribly. In fact, I did the opposite.
Like cmego said, it is my survivor story. My scars are victory scars.
Congrats on making such a huge step in your recovery!!
Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.
I kind of have the feeling c6284x that you may start sprinting now that you've taken these first small steps...
And when it comes to other painful, "heavy" topics that are frequently in the media -- cheating, betrayal, war -- I think sometimes the platitudes come out only because someone hasn't been through the trauma of betrayal or war, and simply doesn't have a true understanding.
c6284x, divorce is only as shameful as the messages in your head.
I have been carrying around this shame for two years all by myself.
[This message edited by ladies_first at 10:33 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön