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User Topic: Shitake
Jpapageorge
♂ Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

F*** me runnin’. I just drove home from the store and saw sheit’s car parked on the side of the street. I realize it is a public street. I realize it is one of the “main” thoroughfares for my neighborhood. I realize I have no say in what sheit does, where sheit goes or who sheit visits. But this is MY F**KING neighborhood. My three year old niece lives just two blocks from where sheit’s car is parked. My 15 year old niece, who saw my pain when sheit dumped me like a worn out toy, lives just four blocks from where sheit’s car is parked. I f***ing live just eight blocks from where sheit’s car is parked. None of us(my old sister, me, my brother and SIL, my brother and his two kids, my lil sister, BIL and their daughter) can get to the grocery store without driving past sheit’s car.

Why the f*** is this bothering me? Why the f*** do I want to go back and park down the street to see who sheit is visiting? Why the f*** do I feel the need to hide out in my house just to avoid the possibility of running into sheit? Why the f***, after everything sheit has done to me and after every lie sheit has told about me, do I allow sheit to be anything more than a footnote in my life story? Why the f*** am I having a mini anxiety attack just from seeing sheit’s car? Why the f*** didn’t I buy some Ben and Jerry’s Toffee Coffee Crunch while I was at the store so I could drown my anguish. Why the f*** do I impose limits on the number of curse words I use.

Good golly Miss Molly, it’s going to be a long night at work if this doesn’t pass.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm really sorry, PapaGeorge.

Your post sounds like maybe you have anger right now and have to find a way to work through it. I hope it's okay to say that.

Anger is also energy and I understand and have also tried to do some active things -exercise type-when it comes.

Anger also sometimes makes us impulsive and I know how you feel. I have to hear Nearly Exh's car drive off to Floozy land every couple days after his visit to DD. It used to make me ache and now makes me gag.

I know what you mean about the eating under stress, I do it too but don't have good judgment when the anger or stress comes with food.

I hope that you'll get through this spell soon and hope your niece won't see the car. The one thing Nearly Exh did was choose an OW who lives hours away. I hear stories like yours from friends who are fellow BS's who have similar situations as you do.

One has the OW show up at her door, yard and neighborhood, without sign of remorse. Just kind of parades around.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Jpapageorge
♂ Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is definitely OK to say I might have anger because it is ana accurate statement. The anger I have is entirely directed toward myself. My logical mind tells me I should be well past allowing sheit to have any impact on my life but the the emotional part of my mind is doing flips and twists about a car. It's a fricken inanimate object and I am allowing it to negatively impact my day. I am angry that I cannot "Spock" away these feelings and the associated physical symptoms.

But Ben and Jerry's is sooooo good.

I am so self-centered at times, I actually make myself believe that my niece would even recognize sheit's car.

The thing that makes today tough is that, from what I heard, sheit lives about 10 miles via two different freeways away and, if I ever have to be near where I last heard she was staying, I can be emotionally prepared.

Just to be clear, I am hiding out in my house until it is time for me to go to work and I will not be going anywhere near the store today.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean, j... I still get in knots if I have to deal with ex-asshat or xso. Not to get all pop psych on you, I think it's normal to have that sort of reaction to someone who causes us a huge amount of trauma.

Just remember, if you ever need someone to whack you on the nose and say "NO!", I'm your girl.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, Jpapa, that sucks big time. Totally makes sense - it's your neighborhood and she's not welcome. Definitely buy and enjoy some Toffee Crunch Ice Cream. Hope she and the anxiety go away soon. Hang in there.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW, remember, it could be worse... she could live five doors down from you, like xso did to me for about a year.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((jpapa))))

Hang in there, I'm so sorry you are separated from your pals B & J.....


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
Limbo-ish, again (after multiple S) -- weighing my options

Posts: 2587 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Logic schmogic. Traumatic crap leaves traumatic scars that defy such left-brained ideals like "I shouldn't care" and "it doesn't matter."

If I were nearby, I'd straighten out the B&J supply chain issues for you. Instead, I'm chuffing you on the shoulder from afar.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25335 | Registered: Aug 2011
Jpapageorge
♂ Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks guys.

One of the things I have been overthinking ( me overthink?) is whether my not worrying about sheit nor her life is because I have had zero contact for so long. I worry that I have not healed as much as I thought. To use a strange analogy: It is easy to maintain celibacy if you are cloistered in a monastery.

WB, I have broken two rubberbands snapping my wrist since yesterday so no nose whacking is neccessary. Given how I felt yesterday, you are a much stronger person than I am for living that close to the trash dump.

Silver, I have managed to avoid Ben and Jerrys so I think the immediate meltdown threat has passed.

DMW, sometimes hanging in there means not talking to friends who want to lead you down the primrose path of Coffee Toffee Crunch and Chocolate Therapy.

Empress, you bruised my shoulder, thank you.

I got to wake up this morning so I am lucky and it proves that, although it felt like it yesterday, seeing sheit's car is not the end of my world.

Slight t/j: It seems that rubber bands used to have more staying power, I have been through two and my wrist isn't even red.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess we need to up your game there... what's the step after rubber bands?


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15393 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Deepe breaths !


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to move hundreds (if not thousands) of miles away so I would not run into either one of them. Every time I see a King Ranch edition F-350, my breath catches. It's an involuntary reaction.

If I had not moved away so quickly, perhaps I could have 'innoculated' myself by exposing my psyche to their presence and over time build up an immunity. Hindsight...

Don't sweat it; it's just a reaction. Now that it's identified, it can be dealt with. I have faith...


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20164 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Jpapageorge
♂ Member
Member # 31800
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Selkie, I have to admit breathing is slightly easier today. I always tell others to just remember to breathe, I guess it is high time I took my own advice.

SAz, is it OK that I want sheit to move thousands of miles away? I have tried a combination of innoculation and cold turkey, I hope this is just a momentary relapse and I can get back to normalcy. Thank you for your faith.


"Either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." (and I prefer to live)
"Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed."
Spectemur agendo.
Me: FBBF

Posts: 1741 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: California
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure wish we could pick and choose our triggers. Sorry you were hurting.

Given the title of your thread, I was wondering what would be under general regarding mushrooms.

Stay strong. This too shall pass.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2834 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:13 AM, August 31st (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shoot, how did I just see this? Crapped out back is no excuse.

I'm sorry that after all this time you have to be whisked back to all that garbage. I hope that since it's been a week you've already forgotten about it.

Except for the fact that I'm drudging it back up now.

Hopefully she has no more business in your neighborhood and can keep to her own empty, lame existence.

Well, the next round of ice cream is on me. Hugs, friend.

ETS - Whoops, no hugs! I mean fist-bump of solidarity.

[This message edited by Jrazz at 2:15 AM, August 31st (Saturday)]


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17322 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 15

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