I saw your husbands thread and your reply. I can remember very well close past discovery when my H first starting posting here.
Many BS found comfort in his posts and thanked him. However, in WS challenged him outright, stretched him - pushed him to look deeper.
Like you on one hand I felt I wanted to give some clarity. To support him.
On the other I wanted to use the opportunity for us to have a public conversation with SI members support.
I received very similar responses to you. And I felt pushed out and powerless. At the time a kind of invisible and misunderstood all at once. (not sure if this is how you feel).
both being on SI is both helpful and challenging.
Instead of responding on SI I started journaling my thoughts and feelings. I also thought outloud to some trusted SI members via PM regarding his posts and the responses he was receiving.
Over time - my jornalling and thinking did change.
Whilst some responses I still seen even with nearly 16 moths restropection as harsh and counter-helpful, Many now I am grateful for as they pushed us both further in our healing.
the thing is ppl on the other side of the msg board don't know which question or which challenge might be the right challenge to help. So they just have to run with what they see from their perspective.
It is the nature of the boards to some degree.
there is a lot of kindness here too! And if you are ever very concerned then you can always ask a moderator for some guidance, or to review a thread and see what their thoughts from a neutral perspective here are.
My H. doesn't post a lot - he is a writer - writing comes easily and he can hide in his head. He needed to find ways to show me and tell me all the wonderful things he would write on SI.
But I can say SI and my therapist, combined with TRE therapy, my children and two very true friends have helped be to heal and continue to heal.
In terms of reconciliation. I do agree with quite a few of people in Wayward that your H. looks to be in very early days of self discovery. If you felt very close to going then you too may feel this way.
He does need to continue doing the work for himself. Like his apology and posting.
I understand how powerless this can leave you feeling. Truly I do. You can heal together. And you can support one another - but it is his weakness that led your marriage to this place and he must find and excercise his strength. You can not reflect, heal and reconcile for the both of you.
Take care of yourself. SI is here for you too.