We've decided to R.
Today is one week from D Day. WH has stuck to his story, so I'm hoping more lies don't slip out at some point. At this point in time, it doesn't matter. All I know is we need to try to put this behind us and move forward.
I spent a lot of time away from home and alone or with close friends this weekend. Was going to spend the night at my parents home on Saturday night, but I couldn't figure out the tv, the guest room was a disaster (they're in the process of remodeling) and so my friends took me home... I couldn't stay there.
I ended up having sex with WH that night, I was drunk. It was good though. I woke up feeling full of hope, that we can work through this. I had to borrow his phone to text my friend, because I left my phone in their car. While I had it, I looked at his texts, he was okay with this. He was sitting right there. He had told FIL snippets of what happened (didn't actually come clean to him about everything, definitely didn't mention that he solicited sex from 19 different CL ads,) and had told him he went in for an STD test. He had asked how things were, WH told FIL they had mellowed out (FIL said, "Must have done some fast talking son") and that he did a little "compare and contrast" from when I almost "ran out" on him. FIL then asked if I "went in and had a stick shoved up my ding ding. LOL"
I was hurt by that. Hurt that my FIL would imply that I had done something even close to what WH did, hurt that WH didn't respond to it and correct him and mostly hurt that they both thought it was a joking matter. This is my life. My love. And he wants to joke about something serious like an STD test during our MARRIAGE??? UGH.
My reaction to that caused him to lose his temper and he smashed his phone, saying that he was just going to get rid of it since it causes so many problems. We started having a conversation about his family and it sent me into a total breakdown (over the past two months, I've had more than one panic attack caused by his father and/or sisters... this is after not having a panic attack for almost a decade.) They are obviously unsupportive (not to mention stupid and completely inexperienced) and I have asked many, many times throughout the years that WH not talk to FIL about us. Period.
After that, he took me to pick up my phone and I stayed with my girlfriend for a few hours. He was worried about me. Texted me, my friend, my mom. I came home and we talked. He cried. I've been waiting this whole week for him to show me some sort of emotion. He cried and said he doesn't want to be the reason why I cry, that he doesn't want to hurt me anymore, he doesn't want to see me like this because of something he's done. That he wants to start fresh and treat me the way I deserve. I feel like we had a breakthrough.
We had sex again last night. I wasn't anticipating it, but it happened. It was great until the end, when he didn't reach orgasm. He did eventually, and he was turned on the whole time, but we've had a few problems with him not being able to orgasm during intercourse lately. I will bring this up in MC.
He agreed to stop discussing me or our marriage with his family. They are unsupportive, have no experience making a marriage work and have never truly accepted me as a part of the family. Tonight we will be sitting down and listing out our boundaries, what we need out of this marriage, and we may start the Love Dare. I want to make this work. I want to move past this all.
I know it's going to be a long process, my emotions are still incredibly raw, I'm still on the rollercoaster.
Does anyone have any tips and advice as to how to navigate the R?