DS19 has an attitude toward me ever since he was 8yrs old and I kicked his cheating dad to the curb (DS doesn't know why I kicked his dad out and filed for D- he was having an EA/PA? with an 18yr old). XWH#1 has spent years filling my son's head full of nonsense and the boy has grown up just like him. We hardly speak and when we do he is rude and hateful to me. Last week XWH#1 called to let me know that DS19 will be home in a few days before going overseas (he is in the military now)and really wants us to work out our differences.
I have never did anything to my son for him to treat me the way he does. His Dad said it was because he hates my WH#2 and that I made him leave a dance when he was in the 5th grade. I had to get up the next day and pull a 12hr shift at the hospital and he wasn't talking or dancing with anyone, so I told him we were going home (as best as I can remember). I can't even remember if I stayed there or just went back to pick him up at the time. He has never brought it up to me and this was the first I have ever heard of it. My WH#2 tried to be a good step-father, but my son was always rude and disrespectful to us both. He was never abused (I don't believe in hitting a child) and if anything he was spoiled rotten. Anyway he went to live with his dad (actually grandparents) when he was 14, his choice, and I didn't fight it because it wouldn't have done any good in Texas. I spent a ton of money during the D on custody hearings and I didn't want to go there again. After that he hardly came to see us and only came when he wanted something. It was a very hurtful and hard 4yrs for me as a mother as they moved an hour away and I hardly ever saw him. He also wouldn't tell me when he had school functions and the few I found out about and went to, he treated me like crap while I was there. I know it was because of his Dad filling his head full of nonsense, because the ex's mother told me what all he said to my son about me, which were lies.
Anyway, during the same conversation, he said he was sending me the policy to sign over because my son would also have to go before a notary to sign it over to him as beneficary. He wanted to make sure that when I died that my son would have the money to bury me. Well I just got the policy and he doesn't have to sign it unless I make him the owner of the policy, not the beneficiary. The policy had my name as it was when I was married to my ex, and they had sent it to him. He figured out he couldn't collect without my signature and I know he plans on getting my son to sign it over to him, because that's the kind of lowlife, non-working jerk he is. It has already matured and he can collect thousands now and no one has to be dead to collect. They also took out a policy on my DD (DS was not born yet) at the time and he got her to sign her's over and he has already gotten the money, which he said he was holding onto for her until she straightens out her life. Yeah, Right!!! He stole her college money out of the bank when I filed for D and she never saw a dime of it. There was nothing I could do since it was in a joint account, but he never contributed a penny to it. I opened the account when my mother died and used my inheritance to fund it.
So now, I know why he wants me and my son to talk. He wants the money from my policy and thought if he acted nice, I would be stupid and sign it over to my son in order to make up. What a total POS!!!! He knows if I refuse it will just be something else he can use to turn my son against me. I love my son with all my heart, but I don't want his dad to take this from him like he did my daughter. My son thinks his dad hung the moon and won't believe anything I tell him otherwise. I don't know how best to handle this and any advise would be great.
If not, then I'd cash it in and keep the money for myself. Your DS #1 doesn't deserve it; that he would be willing to "make peace" for money says a great deal about who he is.
Can you sign it over to your DD if your relationship is good if you don't want to or aren't allowed to keep the money for yourself?
I'm not a L, so this might also be something you should go over with a L to make sure that you're doing the right thing and so that your XWH #1 can't get his grubby mitts on it.
If you dont want to use the money yourself, cash it out and put it into a trust or eduction fund for your DD that can only be used under specific guidelines. In other words, make it as difficult as possible for your smarmy XWH or disrespectful son to get their hands on it.
DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
5 Furkids (3 Dogs, 2 Cats)
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs
Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.
He wanted to make sure that when I died that my son would have the money to bury me.
Well, by all means -- do what he wants...cash out the policy, and go prepay for your funeral!
It would take some serious weight off of your children's shoulders....and it would be exactly the kind you would want...
(Although, it wouldn't be really what he wants-- but, then again, he did ask for it!)
It's yours... Fuck them...
I would look at the policy as a gift from your inlaws. It is yours to do with as you please. Cash it in and do something fun with it. Your son is old enough to know better, and his display of disrespect and using you for money should not be "rewarded." Maybe one day he will grow up and realize how big of an ass he is being to you! No one needs that in their life, and I am sorry you are going through it.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
I would not give your son a penny, if you signed it over he probably wouldn't see a penny of it anyway.
And also, next time your son is mean to you and praises his wonderful father, maybe let him know exactly why you divorced him!
As for the rest of the money, do something nice for you/your daughter. Sounds like you deserve it. If you feel bad about it, just think of it as replacing YOUR inheritance that was stolen from you.